Totally Checked Out

| GA, USA | Right | October 7, 2015

(I am working on the customer service desk; we cash payroll and tax return type checks. The phone rings.)

Me: “Customer service, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just got my state tax refund check. How much do y’all charge to cash checks?”

Me: “It’s $3 up to $1,000; after that it’s $6.”

Customer: “Oh, well, see, my check is only $4… How much do you charge for that?”

Me: “It’s still a $3 fee. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Can I give you the $3 in cash, so it doesn’t come out of my check?”

Me: “Uh… it’s… gonna automatically take it out. You’re probably going to be better off finding a bank to cash it.”

Customer: *huff* “Fine.”

Very Grim Job Prospects

| CT, USA | Right | October 5, 2015

(I work retail and overhear a mother and child.)

Child: “Is that a scythe?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Child: “Mom, can I have it?”

Mother: “Why?”

Child: “So I can reap souls.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Child: “I want to be the Grim Reaper by the time I’m 15, and then retire by the age of 30.”

Me: “She’s joking, right?”

Mother: “No…”

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A Personal Lack Of Gun Control

| WA, USA | Right | October 4, 2015

(I am a female working at a firearms retailer that also offers gunsmith services. A customer comes in and tosses a handgun onto the counter.)

Customer: “What can you quote me on a barrel extension for this?”

(I look down at the handgun and note several things.)

Me: “Well, I can certainly give you a price quote, but first, sir, if you want us to work on this, I must ask that you unload the gun.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “Well… besides the obvious safety issues in handling loaded firearms, we don’t want to risk your ammo getting lost when we have to disassemble the gun.”

Customer: “Fine.” *he ejects the magazine and puts the gun back down on the counter* “Happy?”

Me: “No, sir. I need you to check there isn’t a round in the chamber, too.”

Customer: “Look, woman, see this?” *waves the magazine at me* “Without this you’ve got nothing to worry about, okay?”

Me: “That’s… not always the case. Yes, some handgun models will not fire without the magazine but most are perfectly capable of firing so long as there’s a round in the chamber.”

Customer: “Look, is there a guy who can help me? Someone who knows how man things work?”

Me: “As you wish.”

(I call my manager and explain everything.)

Manager: “So, sir, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You don’t believe my employee, who is both licensed and has been handling firearms for the past four years she’s worked here, and are willing to endanger both our lives by handing us a loaded gun?”

Customer: “What’s the problem here? I’ve got the mag in my hands. The gun is safe!”

(My manager picks up the handgun and aims it out the window at a target range we have out back, making sure he’s not about to hit anything besides the concrete wall behind the store. He pulls the trigger and of course the gun fires as it’s supposed to, despite having no magazine.)

Manager: “May I ask you to please explain how that happened then? Since, by your own admission, you should know more about guns due to being a man?”

(The customer grabbed his now completely empty gun and stormed out of the store. The kicker? The gun was of a relatively new model that had a warning to check the chamber stamped on its side. Just goes to show why gun safety is so important!)

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Won’t Get Her Pie In The Sky

| WA, Australia | Right | October 3, 2015

(I work in an Australian department store which has a food hall. An elderly customer approaches our bakery which sells fresh cakes and pies.)

Customer: “Hello, dearie, I’d like a steak and kidney pie.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t sell steak and kidney pies, but we do have a selection of others.”

(I proceed to read the selection to the customer.)

Customer: “I’ll have the beef and mushroom pie, then.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Can you pack it well? I want to take it on the plane.”

Me: “The plane?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m flying back to London today.”

Me: “You want to take a fresh pie with meat products in it on an international flight back to England?”

Customer: “Yes, of course.”

Me: “You can’t take food that isn’t sealed out of the country and into another one.”

Customer: “Of course I can. Just sell me the pie”

(I sold the customer the pie and I still wonder how far she made it before customs stopped her.)

Salsa Burn Return

| OH, USA | Working | October 3, 2015

(My coworker handles defective merchandise claims in the back of our store. I am walking past her area and see a cart with a box for a rocking chair and ottoman (unassembled) that is quite heavy.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do you need help lifting that box out of the cart? I can get one of the un-loaders and we can get it for you.”

Coworker: “Oh, no, I can get it. It’s actually not that heavy.”

Me: “Really? I helped someone put one of these on a flat cart the other day and it was really heavy.”

Coworker: *walks to the cart and picks up the box with one hand* “See! It’s like it’s … Oh, no!”

(We put the box on the ground and cut the tape sealing the top of the box to open it, finding that the box was empty except for a trash bag full of smashed salsa bottles.)

Coworker: “I thought I smelled salsa. This is ridiculous.”

Me: *looking at the front of the box where the slip from the Customer Service Desk was taped on* “I’m calling the front.”

Front Desk Worker: “This is [Front Desk Worker]. How can I help?”

Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name] and [Coworker] back in claims. Did you guys just return a rocking chair and ottoman?”

Front Desk Worker: “Yes, I did. They said it was broken.”

Me: “Did you look at it or take it out of the cart to make sure the chair was actually there?”

Front Desk Worker: “No. I couldn’t lift the box if I tried. You know how heavy they are.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t have had a problem lifting this one…”

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