Going Bananas About Pajamas

| AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s December 23rd. I have never worked a Christmas at my current job.)

Me: “Hello. Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Um, no. I can’t find your pajamas.”

(I’m really confused by this. We are a hardware store, and so do not and have never sold pajamas.)

Me: “Sorry. Did you say pajamas?”

Customer: “Obviously. What are you, deaf!? They are clothes that you you wear to bed. Do you understand now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pajamas.”

Customer: “Well the very nice young lady across the street said you would have the pj’s I’m looking for. I came in last week and I couldn’t find them. So I went to the [Big Clothing Store] across the street. She definitely said you were getting a shipment of purple and pink flowered pj’s today.”

Me: “Again, as I said, we don’t sell sleepwear. If you would like I can tell you another store which might have what you are looking for, or bring my manager to confirm we don’t have any pajamas.”

(The customer is very visibly upset by this, and starts yelling and cursing at me.)

Customer: “What kind of store doesn’t sell pj’s at the holidays! I am holding you personally responsible, you b****! Why dont you get your manager and tell him that!?”

(As the customer says this she knocks over a whole shelf of Christmas ornaments and other decorations.)

Customer: “I hope you have an awful Christmas!”

(The customer starts hurling more insults and horrible names as she walks out. A coworker has observed all of the proceedings.)

Coworker: “–and a happy new year!”

Customer: “F*** you too!”

Should Stop Giving Herself A Good Dressing Down

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Spouses & Partners

(Being a big military town, it is fairly common to have women come into our bridal store to shop for military events like the yearly ball. A customer comes in with her husband.)

Customer: “I just had a baby and my body hasn’t quite bounced back yet.”

Husband: *rolls eyes* “Hun, you look great. Really. Please stop saying that.”

Customer: *ignoring husband* “But it is the annual ball, so I need to look nice. I was thinking of something in black, since black is slimming, but I’m not sure of my size at this point because of the baby.”

Me: “I would be happy to measure you but you look to be about a size 10. What did you have in mind for style?”

Customer: “Probably something very simple.”

(The customer walks through the non-bridal section with me to look over the styles and proceeds to pick every dress with NO shape she finds.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to try on something with a little more shape to it? You have a better figure than you let on.”

Husband: “Yes. PLEASE!”

Customer: “No. These are fine. I mean, I really need to work out and flatten this pooch down.” *grabs stomach*

(The customer has literally grimaced at everything she has tried on, not liking anything. Her husband has tried desperately to explain how beautiful she is, while fidgeting in an armchair next to the fitting area.)

Me: *sigh* “Okay. Let me see what else we have.”

Customer: “Thanks. I know there’s only so much you can do.”

Me: *coming up with a plan* “Oh! We just got this dress in a couple days ago and I haven’t gotten to see it on anyone. Would you mind so much just trying it on and humoring me?”

(The dress is a mermaid cut halter dress, VERY Marilyn Monroe but floor length. Perfect for a woman with real curves.)

Customer: “Ooh, um, sure.”

(The customer smiles awkwardly, clearly not wanting to be rude and say ‘no.’ As she goes into the fitting room I look at her husband, wink, and smile. The customer walks out of the fitting room looking drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous.)

Customer: “I don’t kn—”

Husband: *knocks over chair jumping up* “THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE!” *under his breath* “…and after the ball we can make a sibling for the baby.”

Dressing Up The Wrong Tree

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I am working the fitting room in a clothing store on Christmas Eve. It is pretty dead until a customer walks up to me holding three tree skirts.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I try these on?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you know those are tree skirts? Right? Those things you put around the bottom of a Christmas tree?”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I just thought they’d make great Christmas ponchos!”

Don’t Even Want To Know What A Milkshake Is

| Lafeyette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(My store is selling goodie bags of various candies as stocking stuffers. One of the candies we use are colorful chocolate-flavored spheres a little smaller than gumballs. We use only white ones for the goodie bags. The label refers to them as ‘snowman poop,’ with a little poem about how the child it’s for has been naughty. A couple roaming the store have caught sight of the goodie bags, and the man is particularly interested in the snowman poop.)

Man: “Snowman poop? It’s normally marshmallows… He must have been constipated!”

(I double over laughing, and the man begins cheering for himself for having caused such a reaction.)

A Triple Rainbow Of Christmas

| Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the week before Christmas. We are run off our feet helping people choose gifts to buy. A customer rushes into the store.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for something for someone. What do you think?”

Me: “Um… Who was it you were buying for?”

Customer: “Oh, my daughter. I think she married badly. You know what it’s like when they go and do that.”

Me: “What sort of thing were you looking for? Clothing? Jewellery?”

(The customer starts flouncing around the store picking up random items. She turns with a necklace in hand.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! Just something nice. I like this! It has rainbows! I like rainbows! Do you think she’ll like it?”

Me: “I don’t know your daughter, ma’am. If you think it’s her taste, it’s on sale at the moment.”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something. I like rainbows!”

(She proceeds to flounce around the store picking up anything ‘rainbow.’)

Customer: “Do you think she’ll like it? I like rainbows! Rainbows might make her happy!”

Me: *aware of several other people waiting for me* “It’s a perfect choice. I think she will like it.”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something… something nice. I like rainbows!”

A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

Page 193/546First...191192193194195...Last