A Noteworthy Customer

| Brighton, England, UK | Right | October 23, 2015

(An eccentrically dressed man comes up to my till. I go to scan his items…)

Man: “No, wait! I can’t stand the beeping noise. It disturbs me. Hold on.”

(The man puts his fingers in his ears and nods to me. I scan through his items and he removes his fingers.)

Me: “That’ll be £4.49 please.”

(The man hands me a £10 note and I take a £5 note out of the till to give him as change.)

Man: “Could you check that, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What would you like me to check?”

Man: “The £5 note. I need to know it’s real.”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I take out our note-checking pen and show him that the note is genuine.)

Man: “Thank you. You can’t be too careful can you? The banks like to keep some fake ones in circulation so that the public think there are crime rings everywhere. But there aren’t; it’s just the banks.”

Me: “Ah, I see… Well, you have a nice afternoon, sir.”

Man: “Thank you! And may all your wishes come true!”

A Very Secure Marriage

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Working | October 21, 2015

(We have a security company who picks up our banking a couple of times a week. They dress very casually so as not to draw any attention. They usually say hi or wave as they pass by our front counter, so that managers can be directed to the office. I am working on the floor when I hear a staff member yell from the front of the store. This staff member questions everything.)

Staff Member: *yelling* “[MY NAME], SECURITY’S HERE!”

(I race for our office door which is at the back of the store.)

Me: “Oh, I am so sor—”

Staff Member: *from front of store* “SECURITY’S HERE”

(I see him cringe.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’ll be having words with her. It won’t happen again.”

(I quickly call the front desk on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, I have it. Stop calling it out. I need to talk to you later.”

(I finish with the security guy and head down to the front counter.)

Me: “[Staff Member], security has asked me to talk to you about the way you announce their arrival. You can’t do it like that”.

Staff Member: *in her usual loud shrill voice* “Why?’

Me: *quietly* “Because they are here to pick up the banking and don’t want to draw attention to themselves.”

Staff Member: “So? It’s their job.”

Me: “They don’t want to draw attention due to carrying thousands of dollars in their bag, so they don’t get held up or worse.”

Staff Member: “So what am I supposed to call them?”

Me: “For one thing don’t yell anything across the shop. If you must say anything, either phone or page. Call them a courier or something, but not security or banking guy. Just stop yelling it. Actually just page me to the office; don’t even call them a courier.”

Staff Member: “If I just page you to the office, how do you know who it is for?”

Me: *internally cursing* “They come on the same day every week. I’ll know.”

Staff Member: “But what if you call me and ask who it is?”

Me: *more internal swearing* “Tell me my boyfriend is here.”

Staff Member: “Your boyfriend? But you’re married”.

Me: *even more internal swearing* “That is how I’ll know it’s security.”

Staff Member: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m going on break.” *runs off before my internal swearing becomes external swearing*

Won’t Be Tricked Out Of His Treat

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Right | October 21, 2015

(I am shopping with my parents at a home improvement store during the Halloween season. There is a skeleton on display that has candy on it.)

Dad: *reaches for candy*

Mom: “Don’t take that! It’s for display!”

Dad: “It looks like samples to me.”

(We head to the cash registers to make a purchase. A woman who appears to be the manager is with the cashier.)

Dad: “Just curious, is the candy on the Halloween display free?”

Manager: “I would expect…”

Dad: *to Mom* “Ha! I told you!”

Mom: “You gonna go back and get some?”

Dad: “Nah.”

Manager: “I’ll go get you some.”

(The manager actually goes and gets us some candy.)

Dad: “Thank you!”

Don’t Count On The Employee Discount

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Working | October 16, 2015

(A new salesperson is recently hired at my store. Right from the beginning, it is pretty clear she won’t work out. She will sigh and roll her eyes whenever the manager asks her to do something, ignores the customers, lies to the other stores about whether we have enough inventory to transfer to them, and picks fights with the usually good-natured other salespeople. Since we really need people and the owner and manager are very kind, they allow her to stay for her full probation period. They hope things will get better, and try to talk to her about her attitude several times. However, after numerous complaints from customers and staff, they’ve had enough.)

Manager: “[Salesperson], I think we should have a talk.”

Salesperson: “Okay…”

Manager: “We really feel that your heart hasn’t been in your work. I think it’s time that we parted ways. I hope you find a job that makes you happier than you have been here.”

Salesperson: “Whatever. This job sucks.”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we wish you luck.”

Salesperson: “I was planning to buy a whole bunch of stuff here, though. Can I still get my employee discount?”

Manager: “No, that only applies to current employees.”

Salesperson: “Are you f****** kidding me? Fine, I’m taking my business elsewhere! You’ve just lost a good employee AND a good customer!”

Manager: “Somehow I doubt it.”

Use Your Head(ache)

| Australia | Working | October 16, 2015

(I have a massive headache. My manager tells me to go to the office to get some of the painkillers from the first aid box. I am in my late 30s; the office girl is in her late teens.)

Me: “Hi, [Coworker], could you please give me a [Brand Painkiller], please?”

Coworker: “Uh, no, I can’t.”

Me: “Oh, [Manager] said there were some in the first aid box.”

Coworker:  “Yes, I know. There are.”

Me: “So can I have two, please?”

Coworker:  “No, I’m not allowed to give you any.”

Me:  “Why not?”

Coworker: “You might be allergic to them.”

Me: “I’m not allergic to them.”

Coworker: “How do you know you aren’t allergic to them?”

Me:  “Because I’ve used that brand for 30 years and I asked for them by name.”

Coworker: “Well, I can’t give them out legally; I could be sued if you are.”

Me: “So if you can’t give them out, why have them in the first aid box?”

Coworker: “Just in case someone has a headache.”

(At that stage I thought that smashing my head against the brick wall might make my head feel better.)

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