Their True Colors Are Off-Color

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(I work in a custom shirt shop. We have a lot of variety in our shirts that we keep in stock, trying to have two-three shades of all the basic colors. However, more unique colors don’t have a high turn over, and we try to keep our overstock as low as possible to keep down costs. This customer had had shirts designed by us before on a basic light brown but now wants some brighter, spring colors.)

Customer: “There’s this really pretty coral that’s popular right now. Do you have anything in a coral?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just have a few shades in the more basic colors. I have a couple shades of pink I could show you.”

Customer: *pointing to two shirts on the wall* “Well, that shirt over there is more of an orange, but the colors on this fox here is more of an umber. Do you have any shirts closer to an umber?”

Me: “Again, we tend to have just a couple shades in the basic color palette. I could show you our two oranges.”

Customer: “No, no, that’s more of a rust! I don’t want another fall color. I want something brighter.”

Me: “Well, that’s called ‘Tennessee Orange,’ and that one is ‘Safety Orange.’ Those are the only oranges we have.”

Customer: “What about something in more of a fuschia-y salmon?”

Me: “I have pink. I have neon pink and dark pink. Would you like to see the two shades of pink?”

Customer: “Well, I also like purple, but I don’t want a royal purple. What about something in like a mauve?”

Me: “I have purple. I have dark purple and light purple. I can bring out two samples and show you our shades of purple.”

Customer: “Well what colors DO you have?!”

Me:  “Basic colors, two-three shades of each. Red, yellow, blue…”

Customer: “Let me see your blue.”

(I FINALLY bring out the three shades of blue we have, hoping she likes one.”

Customer: “Is this ALL you have?”

Me: “Yes, we have three shades of blue. These three shades. Royal, turquoise, and light blue.”

Customer: “Fine. I will take the BABY blue.”

Me: “You mean this one… the light blue, right?”

(All I can think is someone had the big box of crayons as a kid and felt like showing off!)

One Man’s Chocolate Is Another Man’s Poison

| Clearwater, FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend and I are walking through a store when he notices a chocolate fountain on display.)

Boyfriend: “Who would actually buy one of these? You can just rent them.”

Me: “Probably someone who entertains a lot.”

Boyfriend: “But if you owned one then your guests would never leave!”

(Another customer has overheard us and butts in.)

Random Creepy Customer: “Poison! If you poison them then they’ll never come back!”

Boyfriend: “… I guess that’s true.”

(At this point, my boyfriend quickly leads me to another aisle.)

Boyfriend: *whispering* “If you ever see that customer again, don’t eat anything she offers you!”

Going Into A Song And Dance Over It

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(A customer is buying over $200 worth of used CDs, most of which are missing barcodes and have to be manually entered. To boot, they are mostly classical, which means they’re covered in text, often in different languages, etc., and it’s hard to pick out the information I need.)

Customer: “Is there any way this can go any faster? I’m in quite a hurry.”

(Yes, I’m sure he picked out all 50 friggin’ CDs in QUITE a hurry.)

Pull The Plug On The Appointment

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a fireplace store. I take a call from a customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, the fan on my stove isn’t working.”

Me: “Oh, no. That’s not good!”

Customer: “Yeah. So what’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well, hard to say over the phone. It could be a number of things. If you’d like I can set up a service appointment and have one of our techs check it out. Please be aware that we are booked out about two weeks.”

Customer: “Seriously!? What the h***! I’m cold!”

Me: “Well, you have to option to bring the fan into our shop; it’s cheaper and you can do that pretty much anytime.”

Customer: “No, I’m not really comfortable working on this thing.”

Me: “Is your stove working?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So just your fan isn’t operating? ”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Does it make any noises or grinding sounds?”

Customer: “It’s not doing anything at all. I just got this fan two years ago, I’ll be very unhappy with you if it’s broken already.”

Me: “I hate to ask it, but just to make sure, have you checked to make sure that it’s plugged in?”

(The customer completely goes off on me, calling me all kinds of names. I have permission from my boss to hang up on people who are rude to me without cause but at this point I’m not sure what to do. I let him finish his rant and just change the subject.)

Me: “Do you want to schedule for [date two weeks from now]?”

Customer: “I guess. How much is a service call?”

Me: “$150.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous!”

Me: “Sir, we’re the cheapest around here and we’re booked out because when you’re good, you’re busy.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll take it but this is ridiculous. You guys are con men, ripping off old people like me.”

(We hang up and less than an hour later, I get another call from him.)

Customer: “Hi. Um, not sure if I talked to you earlier, but um this is… and I, um, checked with my wife and it looks like she unplugged the fan to plug in the Christmas tree lights. So, uh, I’d like to cancel my appointment. Um, thank you.” *click*

In Too Deep (Voice)

, | Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I’m a fairly feminine looking guy and my voice is relatively high. Sometimes I get mistaken for a girl. I’m checking a lady out at the register.)

Customer: “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?”

Me: “Thank you! That’s very kind of you!”

Customer: “I see you here all the time and you’re so friendly and fun to talk to. I’d love to speak with your manager about your excellent service!”

Me: “Wow! Thank you so much! Unfortunately my manager isn’t in today, though. I think she’ll be in tomorrow.”

Customer: “All right, then. I’ll give the store a call tomorrow to speak with her. What’s your name, Miss?”

Me: “Sam.”

Customer: “Your full name?”

Me: “… Samuel.”

Customer: “… Oh.”

Me: *quietly, trying to make my voice a little deeper* “Would you like your receipt?”

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