Mom Is Breaking Bad Habits

| Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I am serving a customer who is purchasing over $600 worth of clothing and accessories for her son’s upcoming 21st birthday, as well as making an exchange on his behalf.)

Me: “Okay. Was there anything else before I process the exchange?”

Customer: “No. Here you go!”

(She hands me the bag with the original item. As I remove it from the bag, an obviously used meth pipe falls onto the counter.)

Me: *in disbelief* “Um…”

Customer: “Oh, my God! What is that?”

Me: “Um, it’s a pipe…”

Customer: “A pipe? Like a smoking pipe? What is it for?”

Me: *I pause, unsure of how to break it to her*

Customer: “Is it for marijuana?!”

(By now she is already visibly flustered, looking incredibly angry, and, most of all, mortified. I decide not to tell her what it really is, in fear of her having a heart attack in front of me.)

Me: “Yeah. It’s for marijuana.”

Customer: “I’m going to kill him! What else is he doing? Oh, my God. I’m so embarrassed!”

Me: “He’s obviously got a lot of explaining to do?”

Customer: “I’ll have to confront him about this. Who knows if he’ll be getting anything at all for his birthday?!”

(To my surprise, she actually still purchased everything. I do wonder if her son confessed to what he was actually smoking!)

A Compete Idiot

, | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Where do you keep [Competitor Store] branded beans, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. We don’t carry our competitors lines. We only stock our own branded goods.”

Customer: “That’s silly. You could make money selling other stores’ goods.”

Me: “That’s an interesting concept. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?”

Customer: “Well, it’s all the same stuff inside anyway. They just use their own brand labels.”

Me: “In that case, would you like to try our own brand beans?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I prefer [Competitor Brand] beans. They taste much nicer.”

Putting The Situation On To A Knife-Edge

| Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer at a party store, picking up a Halloween costume. The store sells not only costumes, but also toys, props, things for pranks, etc. As I’m getting ready to leave, a gruff-looking customer enters and marches up to the counter.)

Customer: *pulls out a gun and aims it at the cashier* “Give me all the money or I’ll blow your f****** head off!”

(Frightened, the cashier starts doing as told, while the other customers are shocked and unmoving. I recognize the gun as not real, but sadly the cashier does not. The customer isn’t paying attention to me. I sneak over to a shelf, pick up a certain item, and quietly remove it from its packaging while he keeps yelling. Eventually, I sneak up behind him.)

Customer: “Hurry the f*** up! I don’t have all f****** d—”

(I suddenly shove the stage knife I have unpackaged against his throat from behind.)

Me: “Drop the gun or I swear to god I will slit your throat right here and now!”

(Shaking, the man slowly puts the gun on the counter. I grab it with my free hand, just in case. The cashier calls the police, and when they arrive, she explains what happened to them. They arrest the man.)

Me: “Hey. Before you take him away can I show him something?”

Officer: “I don’t see why not.”

(I hold up the fake knife, turn it, and plunge it into my stomach. The fake blade retracts into the handle and does nothing to me. I show him the knife again, and his eyes widen.)

Me: *in a singsong tone* “Plastic!”

(The customer was taken away looking both embarrassed and ticked off. The cashier let me keep the fake knife and gave me a discount on the costume I had come in to purchase. All in all, a good day!)

Slow To Register, Part 2

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(We have a self checkout section. Sometimes one of the units won’t take money and will only accept cards. When it happens we put up a bright lime neon green sign stating that. A customer comes up to one of these units, then rips the sign off because it was blocking the slot to put his money in.)

Me: “Sir, the unit doesn’t take money.”

Customer: “Where does it say that?”

Me: “On the sign you just ripped down.”

Customer: “I didn’t read it.”

Me: “Clearly.”

(I have to take the cash and use the register at the podium because the customer has no other way of paying. I put the bright lime neon green sign back up and then put another over the main screen saying ‘Beep Boop Beep Beep Is Robot For “Does Not Take Cash.”’)

Slow To Register

Raising Sheldon Cooper

| GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I am the manager. We have a sweet customer who comes in once a week with her adorable toddler. The little girl is always very happy and people often comment on her. On this day, the customer is looking at detergent on an aisle we’re restocking.)

Coworker: “Your daughter is absolutely adorable.”

Customer: “Thank you.” *to daughter* “That nice man complimented you. Can you say ‘thank you’?”

Toddler: “BAZINGA!”

(Everyone in the nearby vicinity including the woman starts laughing.)

Customer: “She can’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ that’s intelligible to anyone but me or my husband yet, but, somehow, that came out clear as day.”

Coworker: “Oh, my god. That was so funny. You just made my crappy day so much better!”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m glad we could help! Say ‘bye bye,’ sweetie.”

Toddler: *blows a raspberry*

Customer: “Sorry, I’ve been trying to teach her that’s not nice. Can you wave ‘bye bye’?”

Toddler: “YAY!”

Customer: “Close enough. I hope she didn’t disrupt your work, guys, and I’m glad your day is getting better!”

(The customer grabs her detergent and they head off towards the deli.)

Coworker: “We should give her a gift card. She’s always awesome every time she comes in here.”

Me: “You’re right.”

(When the customer checked out, we had a $25 gift card waiting for her with BAZINGA written across the back. We could hear her laughing all the way out of the store. We love it when she comes in.)

Greeting Sheldon Cooper

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