Not In Good Company

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(It’s my first week on the job, working in a retail store selling bed linen, table linen etc. I take a phone call.)

Caller: “I was in [different store] and they said you had covers for futons.”

Me: “I’ll just check for you.” *put the phone on hold, and turn to a coworker* “Do we have futon covers?”

Coworker: “No, but sometimes king sized quilt covers fit them.”

Me: *gets back on phone* “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have futon covers but we do have king sized quilt covers that might fit.”

Caller: “No, king quilt covers are too small for my futon and [different store] said that you would have them.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them.”

Me: “They are mistaken. We don’t.”

Caller: “They said you had them.”

Me:  “No, we don’t. The closest thing we have is king sized quilt covers.”

Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them!”

Me: “Maybe you could ring them back.”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “To ask them exactly where we keep them. They seem to know more about this shop than I do.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, they’ve told you that we, in a completely different company, have them and you believe them over me, who actually works in the company.”

Caller: “Oh, you don’t have any?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, bye.” *click*

Annoying Customers Are A Sure Thing

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(We have a customer who always comes in looking for things to buy for wedding presents and then a week or two later would return them. She is a real time waster.)

Customer: “I need this in queen size. It’s for a wedding present.”

Me: “Have you looked on the lower shelf of the table? There might be one there.”

Customer: “You do it. I can’t bend.”

Me: *gets down to check* “No, sorry. There’s none here.”

Customer: *cocking her head sideways, with what she thinks is a cute look* “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’ll double check with someone else.” *to coworker* “Do we have any more of this design in queen?”

Coworker: *in full hearing of the customer* “No, and we can’t get anymore in. They are discontinued.”

Me: *turning to customer* “Sorry, we don’t have any left.”

Customer: *as always, with what she thinks is a cute look on her face, she cocks her head sideways* “Are you sure?”

Me: “You just heard me ask for you and heard the answer. Yes, I am sure.”

(After what seemed ages she finally bought something else and then two weeks later returned it. As usual, the recipient’s bed was the wrong size and she had already bought them something else.)

Counting And Discounting

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Math & Science, Money, Top

(I’m a cashier at a place that sells small items of furniture, storage containers, and so on. We are having a 10% off sale. My last customer caused a huge amount of trouble due to getting angry and shouting over not understanding the difference between 10% and $10, so I’m feeling frazzled. A mother and her child, probably seven or eight, come up to my register and start unloading their items while they talk.)

Mother: *to the kid* “Now, this container was $19.95, but we bought two, so how much is that?”

Kid: “$39.90!”

Mother: “Well done! But remember, there’s 10% off today. What’s 10% of $39.90?”

Kid: “$3.99, so the real price would be… umm, $35.91?”

Mother: “That’s right! Nicely done! But now here comes the hard one, so look out! I have my membership card!”

(The child’s eyes widen. Membership cards give a further 25% discount.)

Kid: “Okay, okay, umm…”

Mother: “You can do it!”

(By this time, I’ve scanned the items and bagged them. Just as I’m about to say the total, the child beats me to it.)

Kid: “$26.93!”

Mother: “Fantastic job! I think we get to stop at the playground on the way home!”

Kid: “Yes!” *jumps up and down gleefully*

(After my last customer, a fully grown man who couldn’t understand what a percentage was, I’m literally dumbfounded. In the end, I call my manager and we give the mother a further employee discount, which her child also worked out.)

Doesn’t Live In The Real World

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Time

(I’m the manager of a watch store in a mall. I am taking care of some display work when a couple walks up to my kiosk.)

Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Hey. No, thanks. I think we’re just looking.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good. Just let me know if you have any questions.”

(I go back to my display work and the couple wanders around the booth. As they come closer to me I notice the man is looking confused. I’m about to ask him if there’s something I can clear up for him when he speaks up.)

Customer: “Are any of these watches real?”

Me: “I… What?”

Customer: “These watches you’re selling. Are any of them real?”

Me: “Yes, sir. All of my watches are 100% authentic time pieces.”

(Meanwhile, his wife is snickering.)

Customer: “No, I mean are any of these real gold?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. Seeing as I am in a kiosk in the middle of a mall, I do not have the security systems in place for me to sell genuine gold watches, which often start at several thousands of dollars.”

Customer: “Oh, but what about this one right here? It looks like it would be a real gold watch.”

Me: “No, sir. That watch is gold colored plating over base metal, mostly nickel. It runs $39.95.”

Customer: “Oh. But are those real diamonds on it?”

Me: “… No. I think they’re glass or plastic.”

Customer: “You sure you don’t have anything real in the back?

Me: “I’m a kiosk, sir. I don’t have a ‘back.'”

Customer’s Wife: *outright laughing now* “I am so sorry. You have been so patient!”

(She drags him away. A manager at the next store who has observed this and is in hysterics.)

Me: “I give up. Are you hiring?”

Returns From The Dead

, | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

(At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

(This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “Not happening.”

Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

(I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

Me: “$43.”

Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

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