Caught Red Dyed

| OH, USA | Working | August 16, 2015

(I’ve recently dyed my hair. It’s not bright, but it’s still an unnatural shade of red. I’m a little worried that the manager is going to say something. I get there, and he doesn’t mention anything until about halfway through my shift.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], did you dye your hair?”

Me: “Yeah, I did it while I was off.”

Manager: “What color is it?”

Coworker: “….You can’t tell?”

Manager: “I’m colorblind…”

Me: “…It’s brown!”

(We all laughed. I didn’t get in trouble.)

Getting Too Old For This S***

| Allentown, PA, USA | Right | August 16, 2015

(I arrive for my work shift and greet my coworker. After I clock in and the only customer in the store leaves, she decides to use the restroom. I’m working on the store computer when I suddenly hear her shriek.)

Me: “What happened?! Are you all right?”

Coworker: *comes out looking pale* “There was an old woman in here about an hour ago, who really needed to use the bathroom. So we let her.”

Me: “Okay…?”

Coworker: “She left a pile of paper towels full of s*** in the sink!”

(Stunned, I follow her into the single-toilet bathroom and stare in horror at the mess, which is exactly as she described. We get the mess cleaned up and try to joke each other out of our disgust, when her phone rings.)

Coworker: *looks at the text and chuckles* “It’s my daughter. She’s taken a job as a hostess at [Restaurant Chain], and she just messaged to say she had to clean up vomit. Now I can reply and say I had to clean up s***! They don’t pay us enough for this!”

A Return To The Dark Ages

| Liverpool, England, UK | Working | August 15, 2015

(After buying a large amount of DVDs from a second-hand DVD shop, I get a notice off my bank that I have gone into an unplanned overdraft. Turned out my student loan hadn’t gone in in time. I should have checked this in advance, but the shop has a seven-day time limit to change your mind and return a purchase for no reason. I go in the next day.)

Me: “I’d like to return these.”

Employee: “What’s the problem with them?”

Me: “Nothing. I just realised I don’t really have the funds for a purchase as expensive as this.”

Employee: “None of them are damaged so I can’t return them.”

Me: “That’s not what your website said.”

Employee: *scoffing* “I’ll get the manager.”

(He leaves and the manager comes back.)

Manager: “You want to return these?”

Me: “Yeah, your website said I have seven days to return for cash?”

Manager: “Yeah, whatever. I’ll sort it out for you, I guess.”

(The manager then starts taking the DVDs out of the cases and putting them in the plastic sleeves they keep them in behind the desk. This must take 15 minutes, as there are a lot of DVDs.)

Manager: “Card?”

(I hand him my debit card.)

Manager: “No, card.”

Me: “Which card?”

Manager: “Your [Store] membership card.”

Me: “I don’t have one…”

Manager: “I can’t give you store credit without a membership card.”

Me: “I don’t want credit; I want the money.”

Manager: “We don’t do returns for cash.”

Me: “Your website said I have seven days to return for cash, and 30 days to return for credit. I only bought them yesterday.”

Manager: “Yeah, well, we don’t do that here. I can only give you credit.”

Me: “I wish you’d told me that earlier. I’d rather just keep them than get store credit.”

(The manager looks down at the pile of empty DVD cases next to the pile of DVDs in the shops protective sleeves. He looks at me, grins slyly, and slides them both over. He then walks off.)

Me: “You’re kidding me?!”

Pouring Oil On Troubled Waters

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | August 14, 2015

(I’m doing in-store demos of an iron that comes with a calcium filter, calcium in the water being that white stuff that comes out of your iron. A woman who purchased the iron last year comes up to me with a question.)

Customer: “Hi there. Do you know why my iron is leaking brown liquid?”

Me: “Did you empty your calcium filter?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Regularly.”

(I’m just about to tell her to return it for a replacement when she adds…)

Customer: “Do you think it has anything to do with the olive oil my husband accidentally poured into the water tank?”

Me: “…”

Surprising Language

| CA, USA | Right | August 13, 2015

(I’m working the registers and serving a Chinese person. My perky coworker, who’s Latino, walks by.)

Coworker: “Ní hǎo!”

Customer: “¿Cómo está?!”

Coworker: *completely taken by surprise* “That’s Spanish!”

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