A Triple Rainbow Of Christmas

| Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the week before Christmas. We are run off our feet helping people choose gifts to buy. A customer rushes into the store.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for something for someone. What do you think?”

Me: “Um… Who was it you were buying for?”

Customer: “Oh, my daughter. I think she married badly. You know what it’s like when they go and do that.”

Me: “What sort of thing were you looking for? Clothing? Jewellery?”

(The customer starts flouncing around the store picking up random items. She turns with a necklace in hand.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! Just something nice. I like this! It has rainbows! I like rainbows! Do you think she’ll like it?”

Me: “I don’t know your daughter, ma’am. If you think it’s her taste, it’s on sale at the moment.”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something. I like rainbows!”

(She proceeds to flounce around the store picking up anything ‘rainbow.’)

Customer: “Do you think she’ll like it? I like rainbows! Rainbows might make her happy!”

Me: *aware of several other people waiting for me* “It’s a perfect choice. I think she will like it.”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just want something… something nice. I like rainbows!”

Related:
A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

Christmas Day Meets Groundhog Day

| St. Catharines, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Money, Theme Of The Month

(It is a very busy Sunday afternoon in the store. One of our staff is late due to bad weather and a dead car battery, so we are all rushed off our feet. I take a call.)

Me: “[Store Name]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. Hi. Do you have any sales going on with your Christmas dresses?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, ma’am. There are no dresses on sale at the moment.”

Caller: “How much are the dresses you have?”

Me: “They range from $30 to $50, depending on the dress. But, we might be having a 40 percent off sale later this week. If you’d like to, call back then and check the dresses at that point.”

Caller: “So, what sale do you have for your dresses right now? I want one just above the knee.”

Me: “Well, most of our dresses fall just above the knee, ma’am. Like I said, we have no dresses on sale today, but we might have them on sale later this week.”

Caller: “I’m going to a holiday party, you see, and I need a dress that falls above the knee.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. If you check back in a few days you might be able to get a dress for 40 percent off.”

Caller: *finally clues in* “40 percent off you say? So what price would the dresses be then?”

Me: “It would depend on the dress, ma’am. As I said, they range from $30 to $50.”

Caller: “Oh, so how much would the $50 dollar dress be? I’m going to a holiday party and need a dress above the knee. You don’t have any dresses on sale today? Do you?”

Me: *facepalm*

Christmas Jeer

| Naples, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work at an office supply store that also does computer repairs. We are open late for Christmas. I’m the certified technician. The cashier is taking a break, so I volunteer to take over her register. A customer has walked up to the customer service desk. This desk has no register, but there is a register about five feet to the right.)

Customer: “Hey! I was looking for this pocket calendar, but for this year. This other brand has more space, but I can’t find this one.”

Me: “Sure. Let’s go take a look so you can pick the one you want!”

Customer: “I already checked all of them. You don’t have it! I’m NOT walking back there! That’s what I came up here for! Now GO!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I walk back, stunned, and check for the product. We are out of stock. I come back to tell the customer. My coworker has come back, and tries to check another customer out, but register #1 has crashed. She has already taken the customer to register #2 and is checking them out.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are out of stock. We can order the one you want online, however.”

Customer: “No! I’ll just take this one. It’s already in my purse.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll take you over at register #2, as register #1 has crashed.”

(My coworker has finished checking out the customer, and is standing behind me watching this occur. The customer is standing, staring at the wall, obviously ignoring me.)

Me: “Umm, ma’am? I said I can help you at register #2.”

Customer: “You said you’d help me RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t. Register #1 has crashed, and that’s the customer service desk. I couldn’t ring you up there if I tried.”

Customer: “But that is not open. THIS ONE IS! HELP ME HERE!”

(The light for register #1 is on still, and #2 is off. No one pays attention to the lights so no one turns them on for the occasional customer that is brought to them.)

Customer: “This one’s light isn’t on. You can’t help me here.”

(I turn the light on to humor her and start ringing.)

Customer: “You all are so rude and unhelpful! I can’t believe you would treat me like this!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way about us.”

Customer: “YOU ARE NOT SORRY! YOU ARE BEING INTENTIONALLY RUDE! YOU HAVE TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!”

(At this point I can’t tell whether to be angry or laugh at the absurdity. I am leading the numbers for customer service, and I’m always going out of my way for the customers.)

Me: “Okay. Your total is [total]. You can swipe whenever you are ready. ”

Customer: “I GAVE you the card. Figure it out yourself!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I swipe the card, and turn the PIN-pad towards her.)

Me: “Please sign here.”

(The customer proceeds to scribble on the screen in long sweeping motions, before finally pounding on the screen with the stylus. It does not respond to hard tapping, only light tapping. I’m afraid the screen will break at this rate, so I put my hand out near the screen.)

Me: “Please do not break our screen.” *I tap the button*

Customer: “DON’T F****** TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH TO ME AGAIN!”

(The customer throws the stylus at me.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *hands receipt* “Have a great evening, and happy holidays!”

Customer: “Screw you! You people are so F****** RUDE!”

Me: “Alright!”

(The door closes.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really don’t know whether to be mad or laugh… I’m so conflicted!”

It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

| USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

(The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

Me: “Thank you for coming!”

Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

(The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

Preorder Disorder

| Wichita, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(It is mid December. I am purchasing Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew. I have just found out from their father that they want a specific toy which has been popular. A local big-box store has a sale on them. I order online and enter the store on my lunch break to pick them up.)

Employee: “Here are your items. Please make sure they are what you ordered online.”

(I pick up the toys and inspect them. As I am looking at the one for my niece, a customer appears from nowhere and attempts to snatch the toy from my hands.)

Customer: “Hey! That’s the toy I have been looking for! They are out of stock on the shelf. I need to buy it now!”

(The cashier takes toy from me so the customer will stop grabbing for it.)

Cashier: “Madam, he has already purchased this online and is picking it up. I’d be happy to—”

Customer: “No! I was here first and that toy should be mine! He just came and you gave it to him. He hasn’t even paid! He’s cheating! He cut in line!”

Cashier: “Please calm down. I’m sure we can order one or find you one at another store. He has already purchased this one so we cannot sell it to you.”

Customer: “LIAR! He’s a cheater and you are too! Get me your manager now so I can buy this toy for my baby!”

(At this point the customer is yelling loudly and has drawn the attention of the entire front of the store. The manager is already on his way over.)

Manager: “Madam, I’m sorry for the upset. What is the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee is cheating! This man just came in the store and she is handing him the toy that I have been looking for. He hasn’t even paid for it. I demand you sell me this toy and not give it to this cheater!”

Manager: “I’m sorry but he has ordered this online and is now picking it up. I’d be happy to—”

(In the meantime, the cashier has placed the toys in a bag and quietly hands them to me while waving for me to go. I hurry towards the door.)

Customer: *starts trying to get past the manager* “There he goes! He is stealing my baby’s toy! He cut in line and he’s a CHEATER! A CHEATER!”

(I hurry out the door hearing her screams as I hurry to my car. I hope she calmed down and got her toy. I hadn’t seen that kind of crazy since I last dared to go to a Black Friday sale.)

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