Not Going According To Phone Plan

, | Macedonia, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Technology

(I work in a small-scale electronics store and am the only female sales associate in the place. We get paid largely on commission, and specialize in cellular phones. I helped a gentleman in his 50s set up his phone plan.)

Me: “Well, sir, your plan is almost ready to go. Now I just need some information on who the other phone line is for and we’ll be all set.”

Customer: *winks creepily* “The other phone is for my son. Good looking kid in his twenties going to law school. You’re a smart girl; save his number and give him a call. You’d be well taken care of.”

Me: *laughs awkwardly* “I will keep that in mind, sir. In the mean time, let’s get your phone plan taken care of so you can be on your way.”

Customer: *frantically dials his new phone* “Robert?! It’s Dad. Come to the [Store] right now! There is a girl here you should meet.” *pauses for son’s response* I’d say a six. Hard eight if she put in a little effort.”

Pent Up On Pentagrams

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Wild & Unruly

(I’m stocking an aisle when a customer walks up.)

Me: “Hi, is there anyth—”

(She gets a look of horror on her face and quickly walks away. I attempt to call to her but she ignores me. A couple minutes she comes back with a manager in tow.)

Customer: “This is the girl! This is the devil worshiper you need to fire!”

(Both my manager and I exchange a confused look.)

Manager: “What exactly is your problem with her, ma’am?”

Customer: “She wears a symbol of Satan! She’s a minion of Lucifer!”

(This is when I remember the star symbol earring I am wearing.)

Me: “Ma’am, this earring is not a symbol of Satan. It’s just a star. You’d have to flip it a full 180 degrees to be the symbol you’re referring to.”

Customer: “No! It’s a sign of the devil! You’re a devil worshiper!”

(My manager and I tried to explain to her the difference between the well-known satanic pentagram and my simple star symbol but she won’t listen. The manager escorted her away from my section and I removed my earring for the rest of my shift.)

Last Name Last Thought

| Franklin, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(I’ve worked retail for years, but this is my turn at being the clueless customer. This store can look up your membership card with your name and phone number. I am currently wearing my name tag, which has only my first name on it.)

Associate: “Oh, you work at [Other Store]. You must know [Coworker], who used to work here!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, [Coworker]’s great! Oh, I have a membership card, but I don’t have it on me.”

Associate: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I’m not sure… [My Name], I think.”

Associate: “…”

Me: “Oh, my God, I’m sorry! I thought you were asking for [Coworker]’s last name! Sorry! Do I win the award today?”

Associate: “Not even the strangest thing that’s happened today.”

The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

The Slippery Subject Of Price

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer puts bananas on the conveyor belt at my till. I pick them up and type the

number for the bananas in.)

Customer: “Wait up. The bananas are [price] for one set of bananas, not [price] for one single banana.”

Me: “No. We have no scales here so the price of fruit is per single item.”

Customer: “You didn’t explain that fast enough so I’m not getting them.”

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