Gay Rights And Copyrights

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

(A female customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

This Call Is Not Open And Shut

| Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

Me: “Okay”.

Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

(This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

(It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

Me: “Ehm…”

Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

| Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

(The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

(As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

Related:
Left A Stool In The Stall

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9

| Orange County, CA, USA | Bigotry

(I’m super early for a job interview, so I decide to waste time in a nearby retail store. I’m in the electronic section playing on one of the video game displays. This place’s employees wear very distinct outfits. I’m wearing a black suit with a blue and black tie, and a blue dress shirt. A customer walks up to me holding a pair of headphones.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you tell me the price of these?”

(I ignore the customer, thinking he is talking to someone else.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! CAN YOU TELL ME THE PRICE OF THESE!?”

Me: “What makes you think I work here?”

Customer: “Because you look like you work here.”

(I see two white women walking by, wearing the company’s uniform. I point at them.)

Me: “Why don’t you go ask them for help? They work here.”

Customer: “They don’t work here. They look too well off to work here. Only black people would work here. This job is perfect for them! Now help me, d*** it!”

(Me being black, the two employees come over and intervene before I lose my cool. I decide to just leave the store. The customer is still shouting at me.)

Customer: “You work here and you know it!”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 3

| Cabazon, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Our mall is a big tourist destination. They don’t often speak English, and occasionally have translators. They are also notorious for wanting ‘new’ items ‘from the back’, even if the item is brand new.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I help you find?”

(The customer looks at me confused, then to his translator, who tells him what I said. The translator responds to me.)

Translator: “He would like this dress shirt in his size.”

(I measure the man, and get his dress shirt size from the wall. He removes the tissue paper, cardboard, and plastic clips that all new shirts come with. After looking at it, he drops it on to the ground.)

Translator: “He says he likes it. Can you get him one?”

Me: “So, he doesn’t want that one?”

Translator: “It’s for a gift; he wants a folded one. This one is dirty.”

(I notice an assistant manager is behind me, waiting to see if I need them to step in.)

Me: “I didn’t see anything on it when I pulled it out, but if it’s damaged, I can have a manager approve a discount for you?”

Translator: “No. He only wants a new one. He says it’s ‘ruined’ now.”

Me: “Alright, let me go see what I can do.”

(I take the shirt for reference and go to the back. I refold his shirt, exactly as they are packaged, and take it back.)

Me: “How about this one?”

(The customer looks very happily at me, and says thank you several times before wandering off to the register.)

Manager: “Was that the same shirt?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Did you clean it with a lint roller or something?”

Me: “Nope, but two can play at the bull-s*** game.”

Related:
This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2
This Round He Lost (In Translation)