I’m buying a couch from a big box store. As I’m checking out, I also grab a bag of candy.
Me: “Excuse me. It scanned for $1,200, but it was on sale for $1,000.”
Clerk: “Which item?”
Me: “Not the licorice.”
I work in a pool supply store. One day, while I was doing an analysis of a water sample for one customer, a particularly chemically illiterate gentleman elbowed his way in to ask:
Customer: “Where do you keep the stuff that will remove all the oxygen from water so algae can’t grow in it?”
Me: “We don’t have anything like that.”
Customer: “No?”
Me: “No such chemical exists within our walls.”
Customer: “Can you order something?”
Me: “No, it’s not something that I think exists, at least for regular people like you and me.”
Customer: “That’s stupid!”
Me: “Well, H2O minus the O equals H2.”
Customer: “Well, that’s perfect!”
Me: “No, that’s Hindenburg.”
He decided to see if our competitor down the street would have such a product.
Related:
H2-Slow, Part 24
H2-Slow, Part 23
H2-Slow, Part 22
H2-Slow, Part 21
H2-Slow, Part 20
The company I work for has a group of employees with disabilities. [Coworker] is part of this group. I love working with him. He tells the best jokes and always greets people with a smile.
I was helping [Coworker] stock a shelf when a woman came plowing through with a cart. She clipped [Coworker] in the heel and only stopped to take an item from his hand. When she decided she didn’t want it, she put it on the wrong shelf.
Customer: “When will you start stocking [item]?”
Coworker: “I don’t know what that is.”
Customer: “Ugh.” *To me* “You don’t look r*****ed.”
Me: *Blank stare*
Customer: “When will you start stocking [item]?”
Me: *Blank stare*
Customer: “What? Are you mad because I hurt his feelings? Do you think he even knows?”
Me: *Blank stare*
Customer: “Did I hurt your feelings, buddy?”
[Coworker] mimicked my stare. The customer started getting uneasy, looking back and forth between us.
Customer: “Well… if he had answered… I wouldn’t have said that, but… You know he’s not all there… STOP STARING AT ME AND SAY SOMETHING!”
We continued to stare at the woman without saying anything.
Customer: “Oh, my God! You’re both crazy!”
The woman left her cart and walked out of the store. Once she was out the door, we broke and laughed until we were nearly in tears. We checked [Coworker]’s heel, but it was unharmed.
This story is part of our Editors’-Favorite-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!
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I overhear a lady in the home improvement section of [Big Box Store] talking to two of the workers there.
Customer: “Could I just buy black paint and paint my light bulbs instead of buying a black light?”
This story would be bad enough with just that, but what made it worse is what the two workers said.
Worker #1: “You know, I don’t know.”
Worker #2: “Me, neither. Maybe give it a go and let us know what happens?”
I had to walk away, scared for humanity.
I work at a health food store. A customer walks in.
Customer: “I have taken all your products, and nothing works. I want a pill that I can take once a day, smaller than an Advil, for losing weight. I want to be able to eat anything I want and not exercise and still lose at least ten pounds by the end of the month. I don’t want anything else, and if you don’t have this, I am going elsewhere.”
Me: “If you find that pill, you should market it because you’ll be a billionaire.”
Customer: “You’re going to let me go elsewhere?”
Me: “I don’t know where ‘elsewhere’ is, but it sounds like a magical place. Let me know when you find it!”
They stormed out without the magic diet pills.
