Double Blush

| AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m working near the fitting rooms in a department store one afternoon when an older lady approaches me.)

Older Lady: “Hello, dear!”

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Older Lady: “I was just wondering, dear: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I do.”

Older Lady: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush.”

Me: “Aww, thank you!”

(With a smile on her face, the older lady leaves. I wish her a nice day as she goes. Just a few seconds later, a completely different older lady appears out from between the clothes racks. She looks rather excited.)

Older Lady #2: “Oh, hello there, sweetie! I was just wondering: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Um… Yes? Yes, I do.”

Older Lady #2: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush!”

Me: “…”

In Need Of Some Self-Consolation

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I own a hobby game and used video game store wherein discussion of games, systems, merits, and issues is common. A pair of guys, each with their girlfriends, are in. The girls aren’t gamers but are having fun. The guys are acting like they know what they’re talking about but clearly don’t. I tolerate it for a bit before one of them is an a** toward the young woman he’s with.)

Woman: *looking at display boxes* “Which one’s better? Xbox or Playstation?”

Guy: *over-dramatically, condescendingly, with zero sarcasm* “WELL! THE PLAYSTATION OBVIOUSLY!”

Me: *less than thrilled with the condescending tone toward a legitimate question from a non-gamer* “Well, each of them have their merits.”

Guy: “Yeah, well, the Playstation is the best one! It kicks the XBox’s a**!”

Me: “It’s technically the more powerful, but people are pretty happy with the XBox’s network, especially after the Playstation network was hacked.”

Guy: “Oh yeah? Well, nobody can hack me! Someone hacks me, know what I’d do to them?”

Me: “No, they’d didn’t hack the users. They got into the network, credit cards, and accounts. Stuff like that.”

Guy: “No. You know what I’d do to them? I’d hack them back! I’d send them a Trojan horse virus!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah, I’d send them a Trojan horse virus that’ll set their computer on fire!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah. I got these two Trojan horse viruses, see. One that’ll totally wipe them out and if that doesn’t work, the other one will set their computer on fire! You know something? That virus is illegal in all 50 states except one. Michigan. And you know who wrote it? I did.”

Me: “O…kay. Right then.” *goes back to working counter*

Guy: *a little while later* “You know what I hate? People who act like they’re better than you. Like they know more than they think you do. I know stuff. I got a nursing degree from Washington State Community College!”

Me: “Yup. Sure thing…”

A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 3

| Ocean, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(It’s Friday the 13th. I’m ringing up some college-age students.)

Me: “Your total is $6.66.”

Customer: “Oh, no! And it’s Friday the 13th!”

Me: “No, no. It’s okay! You’re getting rid of the six sixty-six, not accepting it. It’d only be bad luck if you were getting it as change.”

Customer: *looking very relieved* “Okay… That sounds right. But what about you?”

Me: “I’ll be okay. It sounds strange, but 13 is actually a lucky number for me.”

(I ring her up and move on to her friend. By sheer chance, the total is $13.34, and I immediately see where this is going when she hands me a $20 bill.)

Me: “Uh. Your change is… $6.66.”

(She looked very uncomfortable as she took her change, and her friends teased her all the way out the door.)

A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 2
A Price For The Devil To Pay

Coated In Confusion

| TX, USA | Funny Names

(At the department store where I work we have call boxes where customers can request assistance. When the button is pressed, the name of the department where the customer needs help is paged over the PA system.)

Customer: *to coworker* “Excuse me. My wife was just paged to swimwear. What does that mean? Where is that?”

Coworker: *confused* “Um, we don’t have any swimwear right now. The section where it would be has coats right now.”

Customer: “But she was paged to swimwear!”

(My coworker looks at me for help. I’m several feet away and haven’t really been paying attention to the conversation, so I think he is just trying to find swimwear.)

Me: “All our swimwear is on clearance now since we have all our coats in, but we will probably get some in a few weeks.”

Customer: “But they paged my wife to swimwear!”

Me: “Yeah that’s where the coats are—”

Coworker: “What’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats?”

Coworker: “No, what’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats!”

(Suddenly something dawns on me.)

Me: “Wait, did the page say, ‘Misses’ Coats and Swimwear?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Mrs. Coates in swimwear!”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the call box. Someone needed help in that section so it announced it over the PA.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks away looking confused*

Calculated Customer Service

| USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science

(I have just finished processing a customer’s transaction. Her total comes up to $22 and some change. She gives me a $50 bill. I have already typed in $50 as a cash payment. Once my till opens, she stops me.)

Customer: “Okay, wait. Can I give you $2? I just don’t want to get a bunch of change back. This way, I’ll get $30 back.”

Me: “Okay. Sure.”

(I add in the $2, give her $30 back and then 21 cents, which is what the register tells me I should give her.)

Customer: “Wow! That was really fast! You must be really smart! You calculated that all by yourself!”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t too difficult! I just added the $2, so I ended up giving you $30 back, and then I gave you back 21 cents, which was what the computer screen told me to give you back in the first place.”

Customer: “Wow! Okay!”

(She walks away, takes her purchase with her and leaves the store, amazed at my ‘fast’ calculation.)

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