Using The FF Word

| VA, USA | Working | July 18, 2016

(I am shopping at a very popular lingerie store because there is a half-price promotion on my favorite underwear. I do not buy bras there, as they do not stock my size. I find what I want and go to the register to make my purchase.)

Me: “Just these, please.”

Cashier: “I see you’re buying underwear today. Would you like to find a matching bra?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? We can even do a fitting!”

Me: “No, I’m all set.”

Cashier: *suddenly aggressive* “It will only take a few minutes! You should get a bra.”

Me: “No, really, I’m not interested. I don’t need a new bra. Besides, this store doesn’t carry my size.”

Cashier: *rolls eyes dramatically* “Uh huh. Sure. We can find your size.”

Me: “What’s the largest size you have in stock?”

Cashier: *confidently* “40DDD.”

Me: “I wear an FF. So as I said, just the underwear, please.” *takes out credit card and holds it out expectantly*

Cashier: *after staring at my chest in silence for a few seconds* “Um, really? Where do you shop? Because let’s go measure you, I’m sure we fit your into OUR sizes. OUR sizes are different.”

Me: *nearly slams head on desk* “No! No, thank you. I was measured here last year, and was given a DDD. Your largest size. Five sizes too small. So I’m going to pass on buying something I know doesn’t fit.”

Cashier: *huffily* “Fine!”

(She snatches my card, processes the payment, and throws it back at me. Just as I’m leaving I hear her yell across the store to a new customer.)

Cashier: “You! You need a bra fitting!”

There Is Security In The Situation

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Working | July 18, 2016

(I am 13 and have been diagnosed with ADD for a few years. I have forgotten to take my medication and end up taking a hoodie out of the store without paying for it. After realising this, I full on sprint back to the store to pay for it. The sensors didn’t go off when I walked out and when I arrive back the manager, a security guard, and the cashier are all standing at the entrance arguing.)

Manager: *to cashier* “You idiot! Why did you just let her walk out like that!” *looks at me* “That’s her!”

Security Guard: “All right, miss, if you’d come with me.”

Me: *confused* “I didn’t realise until I got to the bus stop. I just came back to pay for the hoodie.”

Manager: “As if! We don’t tolerate your kind here. If you truly intended to pay for it, why didn’t you pay for it with the rest of your items?”

Me: “It’s kinda hard to explain, but in short, I’m Attention Deficit and didn’t take my tablets.”

Security Guard: “Well, if you pay for it now, we can let you go. No charges. I had seen you running back here so that’s sorted.”

Manager: *tells Cashier to go back to register* “And why don’t I believe you? Like I said earlier, if you truly intended to pay for it, why didn’t you to begin with?”

Me: “Why would I–“

Security Guard: *obviously siding with me because I am a child and do seem to be sorry* “Just let her go. She can pay for it now and all will be forgotten. Why would she have come back if she didn’t mean to pay for it?”

Manager: “Fine then… I guess she can be let off, THIS time.”

Security Guard: “Don’t worry about it. Most people would’ve just walked off and never thought about it again.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(A moment of awkward silence…)

Me: “I’m gonna go buy this now.”

Security Guard: “You do that.”

A Bad Sign About This One

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | July 18, 2016

(A customer approaches my print center counter.)

Customer: “Hi! I’d like to order a sign for my business’s door, but I want it to be in full color.”

Me: “Sure! What size did you need the sign to be?”

Customer: “It’s a sign for my door. But in full color.”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to know what size you’d like to order.”


Me: “Ma’am, I need a measurement. I have to tell the sign company what size you want them to make your sign.”

Customer: *holds up her smartphone* “If I show you a picture of my old sign, will that help? It’s on my door. But I want the new one to be in full color.”

(She eventually had to call her husband over, and HE informed us that the sign they wanted was 2”x10” in size.)

Insert Inert

| MD, USA | Right | July 16, 2016

(I am at a shoe shop that sells special inserts. I’m the only customer in the shop, and the only [visible] employee on duty is being very helpful.)

Me: “Thanks, so will these inserts do?”

Employee: “Yeah. Now, when you insert them in your shoes, remember to place it this way.” *he picks up a shoe and demonstrates* “With the arch placed where your foot’s arch will be. If you don’t put them in right, it could mess with your hips when you walk.”

Me: “Right… that’s fairly obvious, isn’t it?”

Employee: “Oh, you’d be surprised at the people I’ve seen. One lady came back to the shop complaining about pain in her legs, and it turned out she’d put in her inserts completely backward. I was kind of impressed with how she managed to squeeze the inserts inside those shoes without noticing they didn’t fit that way. So, now I make sure customers know how to put them in correctly. I’m not taking any chances with my job ever again.”

Only Wears Blood (Of Christ) Diamonds

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Right | July 16, 2016

Customer: *verbatim – as in the customer actually spoke this way* “Is this diamonds in this earrings is real?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “They isn’t fake? Or created?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I MEAN… is they is made by God? Is they outta the dirt? God’s dirt?”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds, ma’am.”

Customer: “But is they is made by God?! Is they is from the dirt God made?!”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds; from the earth.”

Customer: “GOD’S earth?! I only wear things that is made by God, from the dirt that God created!”

Me: “Well, I can’t tell you for sure that God made these diamonds, or the dirt they came from, but they are as genuine as they get. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

(What I wanted to say was, ‘He sure didn’t make the patent leather and lycra that your outfit is made out of!’)

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