In Addition, You’re An Idiot

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Right | November 14, 2015

(I am a cashier, with a customer hauling a rather expensive patio set along with some groceries in my line. I ring him up and show him the total.)

Customer: “That price is incorrect.”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I will have someone get a price check right away.”

(I have someone check the price of the patio set and it comes back the same as I had on the register.)

Me: “Sir, the price of that patio set is [price].”

(I show him the screen with a picture of his patio set and the price.)

Customer: “No, your total is wrong! I will show you!”

(The man then proceeds to take out a calculator and attempts to add up all his purchases.)

Me: “Sir, I can assure you the register has a built in calculator, so it does not make adding mistakes.”

Customer: “WELL, IT HAS THIS TIME!”

(I have a rather long line building up by this point which has attracted the attention of one of my managers. She walks over and sees the man furiously typing away on his calculator.)

Manager: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here? Can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s not adding the total properly! This is very poor service!”

Manager: “One moment, sir.”

(My manager took me aside and told me to take my break. I did as she said, thankful to be out of there. Later, my manager came into the breakroom and told me that that was the third time that customer had done that in a week. Apparently he couldn’t afford the patio set so he thought he could swindle a cashier into giving it to him cheaper.)

You’re Only Free To Leave

| Bridgeport, CT, USA | Right | November 13, 2015

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to return this. It works fine. Just don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “Okay, let me just take a quick at the receipt see how you paid. Oh… I’m sorry, sir, this is three months outside of the return policy. I won’t be able to take it back. Is it defective?”

Customer: “What? No. So? It works. Where does it say the return policy?”

Me: “Here, there, there, and it was emailed to you. I can’t take it back being so outside the return policy and it being opened.”

Customer: “I am never shopping here again!”

Me: “Okay… sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “I will accept a free store credit for the trouble so I can buy a charger.”

Me: “No, I can’t give you a free store credit; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “This is just ridiculous! I can’t believe I can’t get free stuff here!”

Needs To Park That Attitude

| MD, USA | Right | November 13, 2015

(I work as a cart attendant. My store has a strip of red paired curb that is a fire lane in which no parking is allowed. I see a customer parked in this area.)

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry but you can’t park here as this is a fire lane.”

Customer: “I’m not parked. I’m waiting for my wife to come out. I’m still in the car.”

Me: “Sir, even if you are still in the car, the car is not moving and is therefore parked.”

Customer: “The car is not parked! I’m still in it! So f*** off!”

Me: “Sir, what gear is your car in right now?”

Customer: “It’s in park, you moron!”

Me: “Then in that case the car is considered parked. Please move away from the fire lane or I will have your car towed.”

(The fuming customer finally moved, glaring at me as he did so.)

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Wish You Could Eat Your Words

| FL, USA | Related | November 13, 2015

(I am very small for my age, and am in fact underweight.)

Me: “After this can we get something to eat?”

Mom: “But you just had breakfast!”

Me: “Yeah, but I didn’t want that sixth pancake.”

Growing Up Dorm-al

| USA | Right | November 12, 2015

(I work in a very popular cookie store located on a college campus. Our regular customers include a couple of faculty members who live with their two small children in a dorm on the campus. They host events for the building’s residents as well as teaching classes. One day, the woman comes in with her young son.)

Me: “All right, here’s your total and it’s just going to ask you about tip and receipt.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Child: “How old do you have to be to work here?”

Manager: “Well, most of the employees are college students, so they’re all older than 18.”

Child: “But I’m a college student! I live in a dorm with my parents and sister!”

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