That Was A Close Shave

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | July 26, 2016

(I was working at a large chain retail store that has a variety of electronic gadgets. This customer is asking about some of our electric shavers. I’m female and helping a male customer.)

Me: *showing a particular model of shaver* “This model is safe to use in the shower and is one of our more popular sellers.”

Male Customer: “Does it give a good, close shave for your face?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it shaves my beard pretty well.” *chuckle*

Male Customer: *reaches out and caresses my cheek* “Mmmmm, yes, you do have soft skin.”

Me: *hands him the shaver* “Okay, you have a good day, then.”

(I walked away and he left the store right after that.)

Don’t Slip On The Banana

| USA | Working | July 25, 2016

(I have a deep scratch on my wrist, that vaguely resembles a failed attempt to slit my wrist.)

Boss: “Whoa! What happened there?!”

Me: “Oh, The Banana and I got into an epic battle over my yarn.”

(After receiving an odd look, I quickly add:)

Me: “And that’s an example of a sentence that makes a lot more sense if you know my cat is called The Banana…”

Insert Inert

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | July 25, 2016

Me: “How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “With credit”

Me: *clicks button on screen* “Okie dokie, insert whenever you’re ready.”

(The customer holds up her card. Like most cards these days, it has a chip. She tries to swipe it and the machine times out.)

Me: “Your card is a chip so you will have to insert it. Let’s try it now.”

(Customer swipes again.)

Me: “You have to insert.”

(She turns her card over and tries to swipe again.)

Me: “No, see the chip at the end of your card?”

(She turns her card so that she swipes the chip.)

Me: “You have to insert it! See the slot at the bottom there? Put the end with the chip in there.”

(The customer stared at the slot. Confused, she gave her card to me and I correctly inserted it for her.)

The Devil’s In The Digital

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Right | July 25, 2016

(We specialize in household goods that supermarkets won’t carry but people still need, like phones, vacuum cleaners, perfumes, mobile phones, electric razors, cooking appliances, the works.)

Customer: “You, umm, you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “I need a wireless house phone! Where do you have those?”

Me: “Right over here, sir. If you’ll follow me…”

(Now, protocol for the store is that all items are locked behind glass as display items, and sold items come up from the warehouse. All products come with a code that customers tell the cashiers to have their products brought up.)

Customer: “Hmm, how about that one? That’s a double set, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is. Good brand, too.”

Customer: “Hmm… Can you take it out, so I can feel it in my hand?”

Me: “No, sir, this is our display model. I’m not allowed to take it out without permission from our manager or assistant manager.”

Customer: “But I need to check if it’s a digital phone.”

(All wireless phones we sell are digital. I’ve never heard of an analog wireless phone.)

Me: “They’re all digital, sir.”

Customer: “All? But digital signals cause the Devil to whisper into your brain and cause cancer! I demand you show me an analog wireless phone.”

(This goes back and forth a bit, with me explaining that there is no such thing as an analog wireless phone. A second part about this is that I’ve literally never encountered an as openly religious person in my life before this as this customer was, because keeping your faith to yourself and not forcing it upon others is a big part of society here.)

Customer: “The Devil has already whispered into your brain! I know it! NOW SHOW ME AN ANALOG WIRELESS PHONE!”

Me: “Sir, it’s literally impossible to avoid digital signals in this day and age. Wireless Internet is a digital signal. Wi-Fi is a digital signal. Television is mostly a digital signal nowadays. Even that cellphone you put in your pocket before you walked in? That’s also a digitally encoded signal.”

(At this point the customer just stared at me and walked out of the door, holding a silver crucifix and murmuring prayers.)

Employee, Phone Home

| OH, USA | Working | July 24, 2016

(It’s a slow day at work. Five of us are sitting by the back stairwell, just talking and killing time. One of the managers joins us, right as a coworker pulls her phone out. Management has stated that if you have your phone out, they’ll take it for the day and write you up.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], [Coworker] has her phone out!”

Manager: *looks over at my coworker* “So she does.”

Me: “Aren’t you supposed to take it?”

Manager: *shrugs* “It’s not like we have anything else to do.”

(Half of us pulled our phones out. I ended up going home early.)

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