Has Their Bobble Head In The Clouds

| AZ, USA | Bizarre, Transportation

(I’ve just finished shopping at a big box retailer in my city. I am heading to my car when I see a middle aged woman wandering around the parking lot pushing a huge cartload of items and looking very dazed and confused. Concerned for her, I make eye contact to get her attention.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I just can’t find my car. I’ve been looking for 20 minutes now! I always park right over here. It should be here!”

(The woman, while shouting some of her phrases, still manages to keep her voice monotone and remains looking very dazed and confused the entire time we speak.)

Me: “Have you tried the alarm?”

Customer: “Oh, no. It’s a 20 year old car. There’s no alarm. I just always park over here. It should be here.”

Me: “Well, what does it look like? Maybe I can spot it.”

Customer: “It’s a white Buick LeSabre. It should be right here. I always park over here.”

(I glance to the car parked right beside mine. It is a white Buick LeSabre.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, is this your car?”

Customer: “No, no. That’s not my car! I would never have so many bobble heads on the dash! My car should be right around here. I always park here.”

Me: “Okay, what rows have you looked on? Maybe you parked a little further over than normal?”

Customer: “No, I always park right around here. My car should be here. I don’t understand where it’s gone.”

(After a few more minutes of me trying to help the woman and her always responding with “No, it should be right around here. I always park here,” I’ve given up. Just as I am about to take my leave, an employee out collecting carts comes over.)

Me: “Good luck finding your car, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you. I know it should be here. I always park here.”

(As I leave, I see the employee begin talking with the woman. 30 minutes later, I have to return to the store as I have forgotten something. I park nearby the same spot and notice the woman, her cartload of groceries, the employee, and now a manager are all standing by the Buick LeSabre I was parked next to before.)

Manager: “Why don’t you just give that one a try, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, that’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads. It just has to be around here though. I always park here.”

Manager: “Please, just try it. It’s the only one in the parking lot. Just put your key in and see if it unlocks.”

Customer: “Fine, but it’s not my car. I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash.”

(The customer puts her key in and, sure enough, the door unlocks.)

Customer: “But I don’t have that many bobble heads on the dash!”

Manager: “Ah, there, we’ve found your car. Have a nice day!”

(The manager motioned to the employee and the two of them practically ran away from the woman before she could say anything else to them. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched the woman put her groceries into the car and mumble about the bobble heads.)

The New Job Is Very Loki

| Oneonta, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I have been working at the store for a few months. I haven’t had the funds for a haircut, thus my hair is fairly long. I also am sporting a full beard. A couple and their young son come to my register and I ring them up.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

Child: *who has been staring at me* “Um… excuse me…”

Me: “Yes?”

Child: “Are you Thor?”

Me: *trying not to crack* “Yes, son, I am. I’m actually on an undercover mission from my father, Odin, hunting for Loki. He may be in disguise. Let me know if you see him, all right?”

Child: “YES, I WILL! WOW! WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE AT SCHOOL I MET THOR!”

(It was the highlight of that job. I kept the Thor voice the whole time and his parents gave me the most grateful smiles!)

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Double-Layered Satisfaction

| IL, Chicago, USA | Bizarre

(I see a customer, who I helped on the floor, leaving the fitting room.)

Me: “How did the pants work for you?”

Customer: “They were perfect! They fit me so well that I didn’t even have to take off my other pants to try them on!”

(She wasn’t joking and actually purchased the pants!)

Keep All Your Baggage At Home

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am working on the tills next to my colleague. He has just finished ringing everything up for the customer. At this point we offer bags to customers to try and cut down on the amount we use.)

Colleague: “That will be [total]. Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ve got one at home!”

(After the customer paid and left, we just looked at each other trying not to laugh.)

Isn’t Buying Into The Sale

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(We regularly have deals on cases of paper where a customer can purchase a specified number of cases, and receive another one for free. A customer comes into the store and makes a bee-line for the sale cases. This week’s deal is buy two, get one free.)

Customer: “Two cases of paper, please!”

(I immediately suspect there will be an issue. I radio for an associate to start heading to the paper display in case there’s a dispute, then ring up the customer’s paper.)

Me: “Okay! Your total is [cost of two full price cases and sales tax].”

Customer: “What!? Your sign says buy two, get one free! Why isn’t my second one free!?”

Me: “Sir, buy two get one means that you have to BUY TWO cases first. Then your third one’s free.”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT THE AD SIGN SAYS!”

Me: “It is, sir. It says BUY TWO. You know, like PURCHASE TWO? You have to PAY FOR two cases before you get the third one?”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT IT SAYS! I WANT MY SECOND CASE FOR FREE!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t just give you a free case of paper. The sale you’re thinking of is buy one, get one – not buy two get one.”

(At this point I’m pretty sure the customer realizes his error. There is a long pause while he stares at me expectantly, and then…)

Customer: “FINE! Give me my third case! But I want to speak to your store manager! That’s misleading and you’re cheating people out of their money!”

Me: “Sure thing, sir. Here’s his business card. He’ll be in tomorrow. Have a nice night!”

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