Texan Bull In A China Shop

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(I am Canadian; I was born in Canada and have lived here all my life. I don’t look Chinese at all, though my hair is brown. This day a racist customer decided I was Chinese.)

Customer: “Hey c****! Hurry up; we didn’t let you in this country to laze about!”

Me: *calmly* “Nice accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Texas. Now, d*** well hurry up! I have places to be!”

Me: “Well, first off, you’re Texan so you didn’t let me into the country. Second, my mother may have come to Canada 30 years ago, but it was from England where she was born and her great-grandparents were born! Third, my father’s family emigrated to Canada from England in 1926! So, no, I am not Chinese! Now get out of MY country!”

Customer: “Call your manager! Right now! I’m getting you fired!”

Manager: *who heard the whole thing, in his best accent* “You need to tell this c**** something, sir?”

(The customer ran away from my manager: a very annoyed, very big, Chinese man.)

Had No Doubt She Was In The Wrong Place

, | TX, USA | Funny Names, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

(While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

(I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

Cancelling Out The Stupid

| Online | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(We are running a promotion with a discount code, so we always get a lot of calls when this occurs from people who are having difficulty redeeming the coupon.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “You know, you guys, you send these discounts, and they just never work, and I, you know, I want to cancel my order.”

Me: “Sorry you’re having some difficulty with that. Would you like me to see if I can help you place the order?”

Customer: “No, I just want to cancel it. I’m tired of hearing from all of these places that it’s ‘user error.’”

Me: “I understand. What was your order number?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your order number. I’d be happy to cancel it for you so you aren’t charged at all, since you couldn’t use the discount code.”

Customer: “I don’t have an order number.”

Me: “I can look it up by your last name, then.”

(I can’t find an order from that last name. I try asking more and more obvious questions, like ‘are you sure you placed an order on this website?’ since literally hundreds of customers have used the code with no difficulty.)

Customer: “I just got fed up because I couldn’t find a place to put the code, and then it wouldn’t accept it, so I just closed the window.”

Me: “So you’re saying you never actually placed an order?”

Customer: “No, I just closed your crappy website.”

Me: “Sir… if you didn’t place an order, we don’t have anything to cancel.”

Customer: “Why won’t you let me cancel my order?”

Me: “If you haven’t placed an order, there’s nothing for us to cancel. You just… don’t place the order.”

Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t cancel my order?”

Me: “No, I’m saying that there’s no order to cancel.” *I’m reaching here* “Say you were in line at a sub shop, and then you decided you wanted McDonald’s instead. You don’t have to go to the register at the sub shop to tell them you’re leaving if they didn’t make a sandwich for you, right?”

Customer: “I don’t want a d*** sandwich. I just want to cancel my order!”

(I pause.)

Me: “Okay, your order has been cancelled.”

(Click.)