Several years ago, I had a business sewing custom curtains. I was at my customer’s home hanging up the curtains. I had done curtains for every room in her home.

Customer: “I’m so very pleased with your work. Please make me a slipcover for my couch?”

Now, as much as I love to sew, I hate making slipcovers.

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that job, but I can give you the name of someone who makes gorgeous slipcovers.”

Customer: “No, I insist that it be you. I won’t take no for an answer.”

She had been a difficult customer, so I quoted her an outrageous price.

Me: “Okay, I will do it for $5,000.”

Customer: “That price is ridiculous.”

Me: “I agree, but since I am going to hire the other person to create the slipcover anyway, I think it’s fair.”

I never heard from her again.

I have just put turned the sign on the door of our small shop to “Closed”. A customer comes up to the door as I am doing this and appears shocked that the door is locked.

Me: *Pointing to the closed sign* “Sorry, sir, we just closed.”

Customer: “Why the f*** have you closed?!”

Me: “Because I want to go the f*** home!”

Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that!”

I point to the sign just above the “Closed” sign:

Sign: “Please note: staff members have permission to talk to customers in the same manner that customers talk to them.”

Customer: “Well, f***.”

Me: “F***, indeed.”

The customer opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it and wandered off.

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I’m thirty and my manager is thirty-six. We have to conduct an inspection where we flip off the main power supply to make sure all the emergency lights in the store work.

We go into the electrical room, and there are several panels, each with a rather impressive-looking Main Switch.

I can’t resist.

Me: “Pull the lever, Kronk!”

Manager: “…what?”

Me: “You don’t know what that is? “

Manager: “No.”

Me: “The Emperor’s New Groove. Boo.”

Manager: “Never seen it.”

A moment later, she pulls the switch and nothing happens.

Me: “Wrong… lever.”

I work at a retail chain. This particular day I am working at the register when a customer I have never seen before comes along with his purchase. As I’m ringing it up, he asks for a discount.

Me: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Customer: “No, but can’t you give me your employee discount?”

Me: “Sorry, but the use of those is tracked by the management. If I used it on a customer, I could lose my job.”

Customer: “Oh, stop bluffing! I need that discount!”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t do that if I want to keep my job. Your total is [total].”

Customer: *Now angry* “Outrageous! I’m spending so much money right now! Have you no loyalty to your customers?!”

The grand total I should be willing to lose my job over? About €30.

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 23
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 22
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 21
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 20
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 19

This isn’t even the most-cringe way a customer has demanded a discount! Check out these 10 Stories About Customers Who Will Do Anything For A Discount!

It’s 2014, and I’ve just started a retail job. I’ve worked in another store, so I know a lot about what I am doing.

A woman phones me, looking to order a vacuum. I see that our distribution centre has nothing, so I place the order and tell her I will contact the company to find out how long it will be until our distribution centre gets more.

I call the company, they give me the details, and I call the customer back. I tell her the company will be shipping more out to our distribution centre in another week.

Me: “Now, with luck, you might get it by [date] at the earliest. If not, it would be the week after.” 

Woman: “Thank you!”

The call ends.

The date I gave the customer passes, and a day or so later, I get a call from a man.

Man: “My wife ordered a vacuum, but we haven’t gotten a call yet.”

I look up the vacuum.

Me: “Our distribution centre now has stock; it just hasn’t shipped out yet.”

Man: *Very annoyed and aggravated* “Well, what are we supposed to do? We were promised it would arrive by [date].”

I look at the customer orders and see only two names.

Me: “Is this vacuum for [Woman]?”

Man: “Yes.”

Me: *Very bluntly* “Okay. I was the one dealing with your wife on this. I never promised it would arrive by that date. I said with luck, that would be the earliest it would arrive. That’s a long way from a promise.”

The guy grumbles something.

Me: “The order is still in our system; we’ll call when it arrives.”

The call ended after that, and I just shook my head laughing.