The Sweet Taste Of Karma

| Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

(I work in a busy chocolate store. One of our more popular items is a mint chocolate bar. They sell really quickly and we often run out of them within two days of the delivery. A customer wants to buy six of them, but we are out.)

Customer: *staring at me and my coworker in utter disbelief* “What do you mean you’re all out?”

Me: “We don’t have any left. I just sold the last few about 10 minutes ago. They’re really popular and—”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY ARE. I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! GIVE THEM TO ME! AND I EXPECT THEM FOR FREE FROM ALL THE STRESS YOU’RE CAUSING ME!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re really sorry. We don’t have any left, and if we don’t have any left, that means we don’t have any to give to you. You’ll have to come back another time.”

Customer: “I’M NOT GOING TO COME BACK ANOTHER TIME! YOU TWO USELESS LITTLE SCABS ARE LYING TO ME! YOU’RE HIDING THEM FOR YOUR FAT SELVES! I DEMAND ALL YOUR MINT BARS RIGHT THIS INSTANT! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU DON’T HAVE ANY LEFT! I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED FOR THIS.”

(At this point, a little old lady has wandered in, looking disgruntled.)

Old Lady: *taps the screaming customer on the shoulder* “They said they’re out. That means they can’t give you any. What do you want them to do? S*** them out? Because you deserve that instead of the bar!”

(The screaming customer stormed off and we haven’t seen her since!)

Listening Is Priceless

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

Customer: “No… Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

(I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

(I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

Me: *sighs*

Deranged Exchange

| Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(I work at an electronic cigarette store in a popular local mall. I have just returned from a month-long vacation. I’m counting inventory when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I bought this from you two weeks ago.”

Me: “From me personally, sir? I’ve been on vacation for the last month, but I’d be happy to help yo—”

Customer: “Yes. I’m sure it was you. The product isn’t working.”

Me: “Can I take a look? Often times it’s a quick fix.”

Customer: “No. I’d just like to exchange it.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. Just give me a new one.”

Me: “Sure. Let me see if I can diagnose the problem and perhaps you can keep the one you have after all. If not I’ll be happy to replace it.”

Customer: “I didn’t bring it with me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well? Are you going to exchange it?”

Me: “Unfortunately I’m unable to process an exchange without you giving me the product back.”

Customer: “Just give me another one for free!”

Me: “Sir, as I stated, I unfortunately cannot give you a new product for free without receiving the old one from you.”

Customer: “Fine. In that case I’d like to return it.”

Me: “Again, sir. I cannot give you back your money if you do not have the product to return to me.”

Customer: “NOBODY TOLD ME THAT! THEY SAID I COULD COME BACK AND RETURN IT WITHIN TWO WEEKS, AND IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS!”

Me: *remaining calm* “So, let me get this straight: you want to return your product and get your money back, but you don’t have the actual product to ‘return’ to me?”

Customer: “YES! WHY IS THIS SO F****** DIFFICULT?! GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I’LL KICK YOUR A**!”

(The man pushes me. I am a bit shocked that this has escalated so quickly but I keep my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that will not be possible.”

Customer: “YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS AND CHEATS! I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”

Me: “I would be happy to provide you with the number of the local police department if you’d like. Then when they get here you can explain to them how you assaulted me and threatened to ‘kick my a**’ when I very nicely explained that I cannot process a return for an item that you are not actually returning.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, would you like that number? Or I can call if that would be more convenient for you, sir.”

Customer: “Well… F*** you!” *storms off*

Me: *yelling to the customer as he leaves* “You have a pleasant evening, too, sir!”

My Unfair Lady

| Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Rude & Risque

(I work in an adult-themed shop. A female customer has just walked up to make a purchase.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: “Okay… Did you find everything?”

Customer: *grumbles*

(I take this as my hint to stop trying to be helpful and just get this over with as soon as possible.)

Me: “All right. Your total is [price].”

Customer: *handing me money* “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You must not be a proper lady, working in a place like this. Shameful!”

Me: “You mean me working here, trying to make a living and keep my bills down, is shameful compared to you walking in my store to buy smut and hooker clothes, then acting very rude towards me?”

(The customer turns bright red, pays, and leaves.)

R-Word Is R-Rated

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(My coworker also happens to be my very best friend. He is severely disfigured, but sweet and very talented at carving. However, because of his appearance, our manager keeps him working in the back room most of the time. One day our manager is out sick and has left me in charge. My best friend comes out of the back room to bring me some inventory. A customer sees him.)

Customer: “Oh, dear!” *to me* “Bless you, dear.”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

Customer: “For hiring someone like that poor boy!”

(She is speaking as though my friend isn’t standing right beside me. He looks hurt, and I try to hurry the customer along.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “People like you really are a blessing, dear. Even the retarded need jobs in this country. I would never employ one, but I certainly respect those who do.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, could you please not say that word?”

Customer: “What, retarded? But it’s what he is.”

Me: “No, he isn’t. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

Customer: “But look at him! He’s obviously retarded, dear. You don’t have to lie. He can’t understand you.”

(At this point, I am very angry and my friend looks near tears.)

Me: “Ma’am, he is not mentally impaired, and he understands every word that we’re exchanging. It’s not difficult to grasp that you’re an enormous bigot, either. Please leave the store.”

(The customer starts to leave in a huff, but pauses to admire some hand-carved birds at the front of the store.)

Me: “By the way, he made those.”

(The customer glares at me and storms out.)

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