Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a TV shop. We take calls for sales and tech support.)

Caller: “No. It still won’t work”

Me: “Okay. Try pressing menu.”

Caller: “There is no menu button.”

Me: “Try going to channel 123 and tell me what the screen looks like. You should see the numbers appear in the top right corner.”

Caller: *beep* *beep* *beep*

Caller: “No, still nothing.”

Me: “Just try pressing ‘1.’”

Caller: *beep*

Me: “Um… you’re pressing the numbers on your telephone. You need to press them on your TV remote.”

Not Even Remotely Close

Crappy Management

| NV, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

(At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

(I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

Rebirth And Return

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

(I am working behind the counter at a high end department store when a customer comes up with a bundled up wad of faded fabric under her arm.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I need to return this dress I just bought. It doesn’t fit right.”

Me: “No problem. Do have the tags or receipt?”

Customer: “Of course! Here.”

(She hands me what I’ve asked for. They’re both incredibly old; the paper is actually yellow with age. The brand of the dress is one we haven’t carried in years.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t return this.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? This store always takes returns!”

Me: “This dress is too old for me to return.”

Customer: “Impossible! I only bought it a few months ago. I live far away so I haven’t had a chance to return it until now. Here, I even have the business card of the woman who sold it to me.”

(She hands me the business card, which, while legitimate, has the company’s old logo which was switched out in 2000. It is now 2012.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sale is too old for the computer to recognize. I can’t return it.”

Customer: “This is unbelievable! I just bought this dress and it looks awful on me so I want to return it.”

Me: “This receipt is from 1985. You bought this dress before I was born.”

If I Know Him I’ll Eat My Hat

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I vend at local arts and craft shows, selling handmade hats.)

Customer: “These hats are great! Do you know Sandy?”

Me: “Sandy? I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh c’mon! Sandy! He makes hats, too! Y’know, in Arizona? He’s famous!”

Me: “Nope. Can’t say I’ve met him.”

Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength, Part Two

, | Australia | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology

(I work in the sporting department with another coworker. A customer comes up.)

Customer: “Hey, uh, do you have that thing? Where you put stuff in the thing and the thing turns it?”

(My coworker and I exchange confused glances.)

Me: “Sorry. What do you mean?”

Customer: *attempting to use confusing hand gestures* “You know, that thing where you put the stuff in the thing, and it turns and gets hot?”

Coworker: “You mean a microwave?”

Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

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