Trying To Get Caught With Your Pants Down

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(A customer in his 60s approaches me.)

Customer: “Can I ask a strange question?”

Me: “Go ahead. I’d be happy to help.”

(He begins to adjust his pants.)

Customer: “Can you check the tag for my size?”

Me: “Let me stop you there, sir. The washroom is a short distance away and you can check the size yourself. When you get back I can help you find a pair of pants that fit you.”

Customer: “Coward! What is your name?!”

(I turned and walked away. I found out later that he complained to my manager that one of the employees refused to look down his pants.)

Mocking Beliefs Will Cost You

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

Customer: “Hey, how much is this?”

(I don’t know the price either, but there is a haphazardly placed sign in front of the item that vaguely matches its description.)

Me: *looking at sign* “I believe it’s $49.99.”

Customer: “You BELIEVE? Can you go check the actual price?”

Me: “Why certainly, sir.”

(I grab the item and bring it to a cash register to scan it. It comes up as $89.99.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I checked the price for you. It’s actually $89.99.”

Customer: “What?! But that sign says $49.99!”

Me: “But sir, you very obviously had doubts about this sign, because you asked me for the price.”

Customer: “But you even said it was $49.99!”

Me: “No sir, I said that I BELIEVED it to be $49.99. You didn’t like that answer, so I went to check the price like you’ve asked me to. All I’ve done was follow your directions.”

Customer: “D*** it! Me and my big mouth!”

(He still bought it, though. After all, isn’t the customer ‘always right’?)

Don’t Do The Crime If You Can’t Tell The Time

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Money

(My store has a grocery section, including an aisle of wine and beer. Since, in my state, alcohol cannot be sold before noon on Sundays, during that time the aisle is roped off. A customer comes up to my till at 10 on a Sunday, carrying bottles of wine.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I won’t be able to sell these to you before noon.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “It’s state law. Alcohol can’t be sold before noon on Sundays.”

Customer: “But I have to have these for a lunch party! It’s starting soon, and I said I’d bring the wine!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I can’t sell these now. It’s illegal and my register will reject it if I try to ring it up.”

Customer: “Don’t you understand? I NEED THESE. I will look like a FOOL if I show up at the party without any wine.”

Me: “That’s… not really something I’m able to help with. I can’t break the law for that.”

Customer: “What law? I just want you to sell me wine!”

Me: “Texas state law forbids the sale of alcohol before noon on a Sunday. If you’d like, you can come back after noon and buy the wine then.”

Customer: *suddenly calm* “Fine. I’ll come back later and pay for these then.”

(She then picks up the bottles and starts walking towards the door with them. I call security.)

Security: “Ma’am, you can’t take those without having paid for them.”

Customer: “But she won’t let me pay for them!”

Security: “Alcohol can’t be sold before noon. That doesn’t mean you get to walk out with it.”

Customer: “But I was going to come back and pay for it later!”

So Pho, So Crazy, Part 4

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I am half Vietnamese and look somewhat ethnically ambiguous.)

Customer: “Are you Japanese?”

Me: “No, Vietnamese.”

Customer: “Really? Are you sure?”

(Later, another customer runs into the store, heads directly for one of our Buddha statues, and rubs its belly. She is about to dash off again when she sees me looking in her direction.)

Customer: “I’m sorry! Every time I see a Buddha I just have to touch it. But you must understand. You have the look of the Buddha about you.”

(A third customer comes in and asks about the meaning of some Chinese characters on a teapot. Having taken some Chinese in school, and, more relevantly, having read the product description recently, I manage to tell her the meaning of a couple.)

Customer: “Are you Chinese?”

Me: “No, Vietnamese, but I took a bit of Chinese in school.”

Customer: “Really? But isn’t that shaming your family or something?”

Related:
So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3
So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
So Pho, So Crazy

A Few Cards Short Of A Deck

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I work for an alcoholic beverage company that has a staff shop at head office. The shop has recently started a scheme whereby all the retired employees on the pension scheme have been sent cards with their pension number on them and in invitation to buy at the store. Many of them have been calling the store to have the scheme explained and I am dealing with one such customer’s enquiry over the phone, and am rather eager to get the call finished as it has already dragged on a bit.)

Customer: “So, when I come down to head office do I need anything to prove that I’m a pensioner?”

Me: “Yes. All you need to do is bring along your [Company] card that you ought to have been sent.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one of those…”

Me: “That is strange. Mayb—”

Customer: “Do you think I should call head office and ask them to send me a card?”

Me: “Well, yes, I suppose that would be your best option.”

Customer: “…though I do have this card that came with the newsletter with my pension number printed on the [Company] card…”

Me: “Ah! In that case that’ll be the one you need. A white card, yes?”

Customer: “Oh… no, no it’s not white.”

Me: “Hmm, well…”

Customer: “It really is more of a cream colour.”

Me: “…”

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