Returns From The Dead

, | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

(At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

(This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “Not happening.”

Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

(I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

Me: “$43.”

Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

A Sizeable Lack Of Information

| Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(On a slow evening, a customer comes in and immediately approaches me at the counter.)

Me: “How are you this evening, ma’am? Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “I’m looking for sweater for my daughter.”

Me: “Okay. What size is she in? And is the sweater for any particular occasion?”

Customer: “Well, she’s petite and slim. Really small for her age.”

Me: “Well, what size shirt does she wear?”

(It’s really hard to sell to a customer when you don’t know what they are shopping for.)

Customer: “She’s petite and small.”

Me: “Well, how old is she?”

Customer: “She is small for her age.”

Me: “I understand that, but if I don’t know what size she is in, I can’t show you what I have available in that size.”

Customer: “She is slender and petite.”

(Giving up, I show her the only sweater I have in stock for girls.)

Me: “Okay. I have this one here. It’s great for the spring time and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion. The biggest it comes in is a 5T.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.  She’s a size eight.”

(The customer left the store telling me I should’ve known what size she was looking for.)

Comic: A Heady Proposition

| Pennsylvnia, USA | Comics, Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Top

Crazily Honest

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(The store I work at is about a block from a mental health services office. We often see their clients in the store and know that some can be a bit eccentric.)

Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

Customer: “Not bad for a crazy guy but as long as I take my meds, I’m okay.”

Me: “Well, there’s something to be said for honesty…”

Not Central To Their Understanding

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography

(I am from Central America but have lived in Colorado all my life. People usually ask what part of Mexico I’m from and I just have to give them a smile and let them know I am in fact not from Mexico but a small Central American country. I am helping a customer check out.)

Customer: “Wow you have no accent even though you’re Mexican!”

Me: “I’ve lived in Colorado all my life but I’m actually from a small Central American country.”

Customer: “Oh! Maria, my maid, is from Central America. Do you know Maria!?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there are many Maria’s from Central America. Where is she from?”

Customer: “Maria! You must know Maria!! My maid! MARIA!”

Me: “Well, I’m from…”

Customer: “Nooo. Maria! Maria. Maria! From Central America! You KNOW her! Mmaarriiiaa!”

(This went on for a few minutes. Obviously we never figured out who she was talking about even though she kept saying the name Maria longer and louder.)

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