Pot Calling The Kettle Black… Eventually

| San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Time

(I’m helping a customer who is picking up an Internet order. One of the items was damaged so he’s trying to decide if he wants to take it or return it. Another customer comes in line and is waiting no more than 60 seconds.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Can you just do my return since this guy is obviously not ready?!”

(I look at the customer I’m helping and he nods at me to go ahead and help her.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me help you over here.”

Customer: “Good, I’m in a hurry and some people just want to take their time when others are ready to go! Now, let me just find my receipt.”

(She spent the next three minutes digging through her purse and a crazy stack of receipts. Glad her time is more important than everyone else’s.)

One Of The Bugbears Of The Service Industry

| Joplin, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

(I am working at a chain movie store. A young couple come in with two large cardboard boxes full of DVDs to sell back to us. I start the buy-back. I check about 10 DVDs for disk quality with no problem but when I open the next one, cockroaches literally explode out of it and all over me. Naturally, I scream, hurl the DVD away, and proceed to shake and twitch for five minutes. Once I get myself together I put the DVDs back in the box and call the customers back up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot complete your buy-back at this time. I found some cockroaches in one of the cases and don’t feel comfortable working with them. If you’d like to check over them yourselves I’d be glad to look at them when you bring them back.”

Young Woman: “You found what?”

Me: “Cockroaches.”

Young Woman: “Well, they’ve been sitting in a garage for months.”

Me: “If you go through them at home and bring them back I’ll be glad to help you then. But not today.”

Young Woman: “Okay. So, are you going to do the buy-back now?”

Me: “…no.”

A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Time

(I receive a phone call about half an hour to close.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “What time are you open ’til?”

Me: “We close in 30 minutes, sir.”

Caller: “No! I don’t want to know when you close! I want to know how long you’ll be open!”

Me: “We’re open for another 30 minutes.”

Caller: “Thanks!” *hangs up*

(I’ve worked here too long.)

Customer Service Until You’re Satisfied

| FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(The store I work for sells novelty items including adult toys. We’re currently taking donations for breast cancer, so once I ring in all of the items I ask everyone the same thing.)

Me: “And would you like to donate $2 to our breast cancer awareness organization? You’ll get your name up on our wall and you can even ring the cowbell if you’d like!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve done a lot this year. As a matter of fact I just recently agreed to service someone for free for a $50 donation.”

Me: “… Oh, that’s nice!”

Customer: “Oh, my god! I’m a hairdresser! I meant hair services, not the other kind. Oh, my god. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Trust me. Working here I’ve heard way worse!”

Never EVER Burst His Bubble

, | CT, USA | Bizarre

(I used to work in one of the retail stores for a major shipping company. We sold all sorts of shipping materials, but the one that most caught customers’ eyes was the 250′ roll of bubble wrap. One day this older man who seemed like he might have been high walked into the store, stared at the two rolls of bubble wrap stacked on top of one another, and then looked creepily over at my coworker and me.)

Customer: “I’ve always wondered how much bubble wrap it would take to ship a corpse.”

Me: “Well, I would guess that depends on the size of the corpse.” *nervous laughter*

Customer: *creepy smile* “I’ll let you know.”

(He left and my coworker and I were left wondering whether or not we should call the cops.)

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