If I Know Him I’ll Eat My Hat

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I vend at local arts and craft shows, selling handmade hats.)

Customer: “These hats are great! Do you know Sandy?”

Me: “Sandy? I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh c’mon! Sandy! He makes hats, too! Y’know, in Arizona? He’s famous!”

Me: “Nope. Can’t say I’ve met him.”

Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength, Part Two

, | Australia | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology

(I work in the sporting department with another coworker. A customer comes up.)

Customer: “Hey, uh, do you have that thing? Where you put stuff in the thing and the thing turns it?”

(My coworker and I exchange confused glances.)

Me: “Sorry. What do you mean?”

Customer: *attempting to use confusing hand gestures* “You know, that thing where you put the stuff in the thing, and it turns and gets hot?”

Coworker: “You mean a microwave?”

Related:
Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

(We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

Customer: “That’s really high!”

Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

The Game Of Life

| TN, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

(I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”

The Nineties Called…

| RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work next to the electronics department. I am in the area when two customers walk up to an electronics associate.)

Customer: “Do you sell any VHS?”

Associate: “No, ma’am. We sell dvd players, though.”

Customer: “What’s DVD?”

(Associate proceeds to explain DVDs, still remaining very professional.)

Customer: “But you don’t have any VHS?! I find that hard to believe! Couldn’t you check the back room in case you have one lying around?”

Associate: “Ma’am, we haven’t sold VHS in years.”

Customer: “So you can’t check?”

Associate: “We don’t carry any VHS products anymore.”

Customer: “UNBELIEVABLE! How do you not carry VHS?! You’re gonna lose customers like that.”

(There is awkward silence. I’m a few feet away trying really hard not to laugh. But it’s not over yet.)

Customer: “What about [Brand Name]s? Do you have portable cassette [Brand Name]s?”

Associate: “We don’t have any cassette products anymore either.”

(The customer is genuinely bewildered at this point. She eventually decides to purchase a dvd player.)

Associate: “… And how will you be paying today?”

(The customer hands over a credit card.)

Associate: “Ma’am, this card is expired. In fact the card expired in the early 2000s.”

Customer: “WHAT?! No wonder you guys are going out of business. Can’t even take my payment!”

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