(I work in a motor factor (in America, an auto parts/accessories shop) which is on the same estate as a car workshop. Outside there is a huge sign for the workshop stating the things that they do e.g. brakes, exhausts, MOT testing, etc.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book my car in for a five-point service.”

(Now, we do various easy-peasy checks e.g. oil, water, and we fit batteries, bulbs, radios, etc., so often customers are often confused as to exactly what we do and do not do.)

Me: “You mean the five-point check? Just pull your car into the bay outside and I’ll be out in a minute.”

Customer: “No, NO, I meant the service you have advertised outside! New brakes, oil change!”

Me: “I think you’re confusing us with the garage next door. We’re just a motor factor.”

Customer: “But you’ve got a sign outside!”

Me: “Let’s have a look then…”

(We look and the sign is for the garage next door, not our motor factor. I point out that our building has a completely different name outside it.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising! Why can’t you do it?! I demand that I get a free service for the inconvenience you have caused me!”

Me: “Sorry mate, we’re just a motor factor. I’d happily service my own car, but I’m not a mechanic, I’m a history student. If you’d like the five-point service, try the building with the same name as on the sign.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want YOU–” *stabs me in the chest with his finger* “–to service my car right now!”

Me: “Okay, if you just follow me, and talk to that gentleman there–” *points at garage owner* “–I can service your car straight away.”

Customer: *walks off swearing*

This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup!

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(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: *puts bag back*

This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

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This story is included in our Candy roundup!

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(I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…)

Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?”

Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ’em back.”

Customer: *very angry* “You’d god-d*** better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!”

Me: “That was a joke …”

This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Hilarious Customer Stories When Sarcasm Was The Only Answer

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(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

(A coworker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
Customer: “What’s the difference?”

——–

Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
Customer: “Which one is bigger?”

——–

Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”

——–

Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”

——–

Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”

——–

Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”

——–

Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”

——–

Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”

——–

Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”

——–

Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”

——–

Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
Me: “Yes…”
Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘
*click*