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Web Of Evil

, , , | Right | April 23, 2023

I was shopping for a last-minute gift for my nephew in the toy section of a big box store. I found a realistic-looking animatronic black widow spider. I picked up the box and stood there muttering to myself.

Me: “So, how much do I really love her?”

I noticed an older lady looking funny at me.

Me: “I am trying to find a gift for my nephew. My sister-in-law is terrified of spiders. I am trying to figure out how much I truly love her.”

I sighed and put the spider back on the shelf.

Me: “She is too good of a sister-in-law to do that to her.”

The lady giggled. I found him a nice Lego set, instead.


Visiting relatives can be crazy without evil gifts! Check out these 10 Times Visiting Relatives Had Hilarious Results to see what we mean!

Getting A Lesson From The Locals

, , , , , , | Right | April 22, 2023

Me: “Sir, I will need to check your ID before I can sell you this beer.”

Customer: “H*** no! I’m not letting any of you immigrants see my ID! You might steal it!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t steal your ID just by checking the date of birth.”

Customer: “No! Get your manager to check it, but I won’t have no immigrant touching my ID! Go back to your own country instead of stealing from mine!”

Me: “I’m Native American.”

Customer: “B****, no way! I’m the native here! My family has been here for generations!”

The other customer behind him is getting tired of waiting and speaks up.

Other Customer: “No, she means she’s ethnically Native American, you dense motherf*****!”

The customer scowls at the other customer but then looks back at me, and they begin to struggle to find more words.

Me: “You got nothin’ when you can’t tell me to go back to my own country, do ya?”

The customer continues to struggle to find words.

Me: “Yeah, your bigotry needs both a history and geography lesson, don’t it?”

The customer silently shows his ID and gruffly hands over the cash.

Me: “Here’s your beer, Mr. Krüger. Nice German name you got there!”

The customer scowled but stormed out. The next customer laughed at my final comment.


This story is part of our Editors’-Favorite-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!

Read the next story!

Read the roundup!

Your Regular Everyday Idiot

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2023

One of our regulars was a royal pain in the rear. Not only was this regular known by the cops in several counties around us, but said regular was a little crazy anyway. Luckily, [Regular] hasn’t been back to us for about a year, but this was one of the more serious things that happened in our store.

Our store has preorders available. We put the order into our system as a preorder, the person gives us the money for the product, and once the product arrives, we look up the person in our system, make sure they’ve paid, and give them the product. Preorders can be made up to three months in advance. Basically: give us money in advance, the product comes in, we hold it for you, and you come in and pick it up. Simple.

Not for [Regular].

[Regular] came in and was told by one of our counter guys that a new product was available for preorder. The product was slightly cheaper than MSRP (manufacturer’s suggested retail price). Great! [Regular] wanted to preorder the product.

[Counter Guy] put the preorder into the system, took [Regular]’s money, and handed him his receipt. We generally tell customers to hang onto their receipts, because heaven forbid something happens to our system between the purchase and when the item comes in. [Counter Guy] told [Regular] to hang onto the receipt and wished him well.

[Regular] then looked at the receipt, at the counter guy, and at the counter, and asked:

Regular: “So, where’s my box?” 

[Counter Guy] then had to explain how preorders work, how you pay up front (generally less than MSRP or the market price), and then you have to wait for the item to arrive.

Counter Guy: “But you’ve already got one preordered, and therefore, you don’t have to pay extra for it, and there’s one put aside just for you!”

[Regular]… didn’t understand. He wanted his box. He wanted the product. Never mind that we didn’t have the product and wouldn’t have it for another month or so; he wanted the product NOW. [Regular] got mad and SLAMMED his fist onto the counter. The manager was called, [Regular] yelled, and there was a scene. 

Eventually, it boiled down to my coworker having to refund the money, apologize, and send [Regular] on his way. 

The worst part is that [Regular] was back after the product released — and he bought it then, paying extra for it and missing out on the promotional items that came with it. 

There are other stories, but this one really drove us crazy.

Please Don’t Whistle While I Work

, , , , , | Right | April 21, 2023

I work at a home improvement store in the flooring section, and I’m training a new employee. I am giving the kid a tour of the department when I hear a whistle. I ignore it at first, but then I hear it again. I turn toward the noise and see three guys with a grocery cart standing in the laminate aisle.

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re looking for flooring?”

Me: “Welp, you sure found it. This is the flooring department.”

And then I turn back around and continue training the new kid because I am not a dog nor a servant.

Me: *To the new kid* “You absolutely do not need to respond to anyone who treats you so poorly.”

The guests did approach the new guy a few minutes later. They weren’t apologetic, but they were slightly nicer. The new kid made a pretty decent sale from them but I refused to help them at all after that. Oh, well.

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 23

, , , , , , | Right | April 20, 2023

I’m the manager and owner of a small retail store. I get a loud, stupid customer who is verbally abusing some staff, so I intervene.

Me: “Get out of my store.”

Customer: “Get me the—”

Me: “I am the manager. And the owner. Get out.”

Customer: “I’ll make sure my friends never come back here!”

Me: “Good. I don’t want any more a**holes. I got my hands full with one right now.”

They shut up and left.

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 22
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 21
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 20
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 19
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 18