A Total PPOODJ-Head

, | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

(I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

(I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

(She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

(She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

Not Skirting Around The Issue

| Lake George, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Spouses & Partners

(An older customer, maybe in his 50s, walks in to my female clothing store.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Don’t worry. I’m not a cross-dresser or anything. I’m just looking for my wife”

(He says the first half in a very derogatory tone of voice.)

Me: *smiles sweetly* “Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you’d look great in a skirt!”

(The customer glares at me and leaves!)

Taking A Swipe At Common Sense

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I am working as a cashier during Easter weekend at a popular retail shop. I have a long line but am getting people rung out quickly. A customer in her early 30s is next in line.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

(The customer puts her items on the belt, and doesn’t say a word to me.)

Me: *rings up her order* “Okay, that will be [total].”

Customer: *swipes her card very fast* “Why isn’t this working?!”

(She swipes the card back and forth quickly. All the while the machine beeps to inform us that it cannot read her card, because she is swiping it too fast.)

Me: “Oh, you need to swipe it slower so the machine can read your card.”

Customer: “Oh.” *continues swiping too fast, back and forth* “Your machine is broken! It won’t accept my card!”

Me: “You just need to swipe it a little slower.”

Customer: “I AM SWIPING IT! YOUR STUPID MACHINE WON’T TAKE MY CARD!”

(She proceeds to keep swiping it back and forth just as fast as before and is getting a bit rough with the machine.)

Customer: “SEE!? IT WON’T WORK!”

Me: “Would you like me to try and swipe the card back here? Sometimes the front one doesn’t work but mine will.”

Customer: “All right… Wait, you’re the store who got hacked, right?”

(I get asked this a lot. During last year’s Christmas shopping season a bunch of credit and debit cards were hacked. People are still cautious about the security breach.)

Me: “Yes, but we have taken care of the issue and your card is safe to use now.”

Customer: “I don’t want my card hacked.”

Me: “As I said, your card is safe.”

Customer: “I don’t want my information stolen!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but we took care of the issue. I’ve used my card here plenty of times since it was fixed and no one has stolen money from me.”

Customer: “Well, that is because you are an employee. They wouldn’t steal money from someone who works for them.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “[Store] wouldn’t steal money from the people who work for them.”

Me: “Oh, no. It wasn’t [Store] that hacked into people’s accounts. It was a hacker.”

Customer: “But I bet you got a huge paycheck during that time when you were stealing money.”

Me: “Yes, my paycheck was bigger but that was only because there were more hours to go around. [Store] didn’t steal any money.”

(My manager comes over to see why I was taking so long.)

Manager: “Is something wrong, [My Name]?”

Customer: “I’m just making sure your employee doesn’t steal my card information. She asked to swipe it in the card reader behind her because the front one isn’t working. I don’t want my information stolen!”

(I explain to my manger why I asked to swipe her card with my card reader and why she thinks I am trying to steal her information.)

Manager: “As my employee said, [Store] didn’t steal anyone’s money. It was a hacker. I myself was a victim of the breach.”

Customer: “But you work here! They couldn’t steal money from you! You’re just lying so you can get away with stealing more people’s money!”

Manager: “I assure you, we are not trying to steal your money.”

Customer: “But your employee is trying to take my card!”

Manager: “Why don’t you try swiping your card again in the front card reader?”

Customer: *swipes her card fast again, then a few more times violently* “See?! It won’t work! Your employee must have broken the machine so she could copy my card information into the database!”

Manager: “Try swiping it a bit slower.”

(My manager motions over the card reader at the right pace. The customer slides her card again and it goes through.)

Customer: “It worked! Thank goodness you were here to prevent your employee from stealing my information!” *looks at me* “All you kids are thieves. I hope you get fired for this!”

Me: “Er… have a nice day.”

(I hands her her bags and she leaves.)

Manager: “Don’t worry. You aren’t going to be fired for her ignorance.”

Sorry Doesn’t Seem To Be The Hardest Word

| AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(I’m ringing up a customer and giving her her bags. I forget to give her the light jacket she bought and don’t notice until she drives off. Hoping she’ll come back, I put it next to myself for safe-keeping and keep checking customers. Twenty minutes later, she returns.)

Customer: “Where’s my jacket?!”

Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *I give her back the jacket* “I’m sorry about the inconvenience, I—”

Customer: “You should be ASHAMED of yourself! This is very poor service!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am—”

Customer: “I had to get out of my car, bring in my things, see my jacket missing, get my walker, get BACK in my car, and drive all the way back here, and it was very difficult! What’s your name? I’m calling corporate about you, and they’re gonna write you up!”

Me: “I’m sorry about—”

Customer: *wry laughter* “Oh, and of course, you never ONCE said sorry!”

Me: “But I, just— I’m very sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, you apologize NOW, after I TELL you to!”

(I return to my line, shaken and a little upset, and continue ringing up the customer I was helping earlier, who witnessed the whole thing.)

Next Customer: “But you said you were sorry FOUR times. I counted!”

The Warranty Comes Warranted, Part 2

, | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Technology

(I’m selling a customer an iPad and introducing a new warranty which covers accidental damage, meaning you can replace your iPad for $50 rather than buying a whole new one. It’s a fantastic deal and, as the customer in question is buying the iPad for his eight-year-old daughter and wants the most expensive model, I am trying to convince him that the extra $99 for it is really worth it.)

Me: “Sir, just to check, you’re getting this for your daughter, you said?”

Customer: “Yeah. I mean, we’ll use it too, but it’s mostly for her.”

Me: “I see. In that case, you really want to consider getting the extra warranty.”

Customer: “But it comes with one that covers it for a year, right?”

Me: “Yes, but it doesn’t cover accidental damage. If she accidentally drops it and cracks the screen, it’ll cost full price to replace without the warranty. With the warranty, it’s only $50 to replace it.”

Customer: *considers it for a moment, then shakes his head* “Nah, we’ll be okay. I’ll tell her to be real careful.”

Me: *gesturing to a nearby table where we have iPads set up for kids to play with* “Sir, I’m sure your daughter is really careful with her toys, but iPads are really fragile and kids sometimes forget they’re not as hardy as their other things.”

(In perfect timing, a kid at the table then starts banging the iPad on the table hard. I grimace and the customer cringes slightly.)

Customer: “Err, no, no. It’s okay. We’ll be careful.”

(I get him to at least buy a screen cover and ring him up. He’s excited and happy at the end, so I figure everything’s all right and hopefully his daughter is as careful as he says she is. The next day, however, I see him come in with the iPad, case, and several small glass shards from the broken screen in a Ziploc bag. He sees me on his way to the tech counter and sheepishly holds up the bag.)

Customer: “I guess you were right. I’ll get the warranty this time…”

Related:
The Warranty Comes Warranted

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