Moments You Wish You Had A Camera For

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Retail, Office Supply Store | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

(My store sells desks and other office furniture. A customer who recently purchased a desk comes marching into the store, looking angry.)

Customer: “YOUR COMPANY IS SPYING ON ITS CUSTOMERS!”

Coworker: “What?”

Customer: “You’re spying on your customers!”

Coworker: “How do you figure?”

Customer: “I just bought a desk from you guys, and on the instructions it says there’s a ‘hidden cam’ I’m supposed to install!”

Coworker: “Sir, a cam-screw is just a type of screw. This one’s called a hidden cam because after you build everything, you won’t be able to see the screw any more.”

Customer: “No, it’s a camera! You’re trying to steal information about people, and sell it to the government!”

Coworker: “Sir, why would my company waste hundreds of thousands of dollars sneaking cameras into desks, cameras that are covered up by other pieces of the furniture and pointed at the floor?”

Customer: “Well they could be listening in on my conversations!”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be called a ‘hidden mic,’ then?”

Coworker: “And why would we go so far as to clearly label the hidden cam as a hidden cam?”

Customer: *leaves, defeated*

Can’t Get A Handle On The Situation

| NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(We sell brooms and mops, but we also sell a variety of replacement broom handles and broom and mop heads, all of which fit with each other. I get called to the cash for customer service.)

Customer: *in French* “Yes, my father was in here yesterday and bought me five mop handles, but he never brought the mop heads.”

(I figure he left them behind at the cash, and the customer has come to retrieve them. She hands me her receipt, and I see he only paid for the mop handles, not the heads. She cuts me off before I can speak.)

Customer: “Yes, so I can’t really do much without the mop heads you know. Somebody should have told him. I’m going to need the mop heads.”

(I realize that the customer thinks they come together, and wants me to correct ‘our mistake.’ She cuts me off again, speaking to her friend in French.)

Customer: *in French* “I don’t think this girl understands a word I’m saying. This store is unbelievable. Their manager doesn’t even know what I’m talking about. I should—”

Me: *in perfect French* “Yes, ma’am, I understand perfectly. Your father came in yesterday and bought you five mop handles, but forgot to buy mop heads to go with them. That is unfortunate, given that you had to come back today to buy them. However, as they are sold separately and do not come together, and customers often buy one or the other as replacements, my cashiers would have had no reason to believe that he had forgotten to pick them up or remind him. If you would like to buy some mop heads, I can show you exactly where they are; just follow me.”

(The customer turns bright red, and her friend turns away trying to hide her laughter.)

Customer: “Oh, uh… no it’s okay, thank you. I’ll find them myself. Thank you.”

(The customer practically ran away to the cleaning department, paid for her mop heads without ever making eye contact with anybody, and left quickly. I’ve never seen her since.)

Putting The Sham Into Shampoo

| Tinley Park, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

(I work at a 24-hour store as a cashier. From 7-8 am I am the only cashier on duty. A customer has just dumped two baskets FULL of travel size shampoos, conditioners, body washes, and sunscreens on the belt.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Make sure you put everything in separate bags.”

(I look at literally hundreds of mini bottles on the belt and my eyes bug out.)

Me: “You mean all the shampoos in one bag, and all the conditioners in one bag?”

Customer: “Of course! You’re not that bright are you? No wonder you get s*** shifts at a crap place like this.”

(At this point, another customer gets in line behind her and I can see his eyes bug out at all of the items as I have to check.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. That’s $98.74.”

(The customer starts digging through her purse to find her wallet.)

Customer: “I don’t have my wallet, so I don’t have my card.”

Me: “Do you have cash or any other way to pay for the items?”

Customer: “Do you not listen?! God you’re dumb! I don’t have anything!”

Me: “Well, give me a moment. I have to have my manager come over and void out the order.”

Customer: “You really should be nicer to your customers when your manager is around.”

(My manager comes up and voids the order, all the while hearing this customer bad mouth me.)

Other Customer In Line: “Lady, she’s just doing her job and she’s doing it rather well. I would have smacked you by now if you had talked to me that way. And if there is anyone dumb here, ma’am, it would be you who couldn’t even remember to bring your own wallet to the store with you.”

Manager: *to the first customer* “I’ve voided the order, but I will keep all of it at customer service for you today so you can come back and get it later and not have to wait in line again.”

(The customer gives the other customer in line behind her the finger, and huffs before leaving. My manager turns to the other customer in line.)

Manager: “So, how big of a discount would you like today, sir?”

Other Customer In Line: “Just my membership card thanks!” *to me* “You did good!” *grabs a chocolate bar from one of the racks* “Here, have this on me!”

Been Awake For A Maternity

| Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

(A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

Me: “Good evening, sir.”

Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

(He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

(He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

(He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “What?”

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

(The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

(The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5

| USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(The new ‘Grand Theft Auto’ game has just been released, and my coworker and I have been very adamant on informing all parents of the content, going so far as to read off the ESRB rating site as needed to make sure they’re alright with the game. A 14-year-old boy and his mother come in.)

Son: “Yeah, I’m here for the new GTA game.”

Me: “Alright. Just to check, ma’am, are you alright with the M rating on this? It’s got a lot of objectionable content including—”

(I read off the back of the case.)

Mother: “…I don’t know.”

Son: “It’s fine!”

Me: “According to the people who rate these, there’s also male genitalia in a non-sexual context involving cult members and necrophilia. There’s also a torture sequence.”

Mother: “No! Absolutely not! We’re not getting it.”

Son: “YES WE ARE! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THIS FOR ME!”

Mother: “No. We’re leaving.”

Son: “I’M BUYING IT!” *looks to me expectantly*

Me: “She is your mother, and she said no. I’m not able to sell this to you.”

Son: *to mother* “YOU CAN’T TELL ME NO! YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT! THIS IS A F****** WASTE OF TIME! I’LL JUST COME BACK WITH DAD AND HE’LL GET IT FOR ME!”

Mother: “You do not use that language with me! That’s it, we’re leaving. NOW!”

(The mother storms off, forcing the son to leave. I turn to my boss and other customers who are staring after them in shock.)

Me: “And that, right there, is why we make sure to advise on the content.”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence