Used And Useless

| MT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

(A customer is coming through my line with a series of energy drinks and several bags of chips. He is also holding a game with a receipt. I figure that he bought it in our game department.)

Me: “Oh, [Game]! I have been waiting for that to go on sale. It looks like a good game.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I finished the game in like a day though.”

(I’m puzzled by this, as he is holding the game.)

Me: “Really? Huh.”

Customer: “Yeah. I just tried to return it. It was too short. I can’t believe you guys didn’t take it back.”

Me: “So you bought a game and tried to return it because you finished it?”

Customer: “I was really dissatisfied after I finished it. Do you know where I can take it to return it? Or do I have to file a complaint or something?”

Me: “Well, it’s now a used game… so, [Used Game Store]?”

Customer: “They’ll only give me used game price.”

(We stand there for 10 minutes while he tries to grasp the concept of returns. He leaves in a huff. After, my boss comes over.)

Boss: “Did that just happen?”

Me: “Doesn’t it always?”

Hiss-terical

| WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am having a pretty good day, with no bad customers. A middle aged customer comes up to my till.)

Customer: “Mhhhhrmrrm.”

Me: “… Okay. Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr!”

Me: “…  Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr.”

Me: *concerned* “Will that be credit or cash?”

Customer: “HISSSSSSS!”

(I jump back in surprise, but act as normally as possible for someone who has been spat on and hissed at.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Mhhhhr!”

Me: *to Boss* “What was that?”

Boss: “Oh, she comes in here a lot. If you say the wrong thing she hisses at you.”

(I transferred off tills very quickly after that!)

Doesn’t Drink, Period

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m second in a queue to pay and the customer in front of me is an older lady wanting a bottle of whiskey. They are kept behind the counter. The owner of the store is a very polite Muslim gentleman in traditional dress. I love this store; it has a little bit of everything and the owner has a great sense of humour. The woman is asking lots of questions about the strength of the whiskey and the prices.)

Customer: “But what about the Glen Moray? What percentage is that?”

Owner: “Its 40.”

Customer: “And the price?”

Owner: “£20.”

Customer: “And the Jameson?”

Owner: “It’s also 40% and £20.”

Customer: “And how much is the Teachers?”

Owner: “£20.”

Customer: “But is it stronger?”

Owner: “No, it’s 40% as well.”

(Each time she asks about a whiskey the owner has to climb up a little ladder to check and he’s not a young gentleman. But he does it smiling all the time.)

Customer: “What’s that there? Canadian Club?”

Owner: “Yes it is also £20 and 40% proof.”

Customer: “I just don’t know. What do they taste like? Which one’s the nicest?”

(I should point out at this point that it became obvious that this lady was not a connoisseur. But was looking for the strongest whiskey to add to the 4 bottles of cheap strong wine she had in her basket.)

Owner: “I’m sorry. I do not drink so I don’t know the taste.”

Customer: *looking disgusted* “How on earth can you sell alcohol when you don’t even drink?”

Me: *taps lady on shoulder* “Well, he sells tampons, too. I hope you don’t expect him to use them!”

(The customer quietly pays and leaves.)

Can Tell You Are Closed With My Eyes Closed

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I am at the end of my nine-hour shift as a cashier on a busy Saturday, and am just finishing up with the last customer in my line. My register’s light is off, there is a closed sign at the end of my belt, and my last customer has kindly put up a large closed sign that stretches across the entrance of the lane and blocks access to my till.)

Customer #1: *as I ring up his items* “You look tired. You must be excited to go home?”

Me: “Yes. It’s been a long day.”

(I look up to see a customer climbing over the large closed sign, nearly tripping and spilling his overflowing basket of the items, and heading towards my belt.)

Me: “Sir! I’m sorry but my till is closed.”

Customer #2: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

Customer #1: “Seriously?”

Appointment Disappointment

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a retail portrait studio that gets very busy during the holiday season. It is a busy Saturday, and we are completely booked. A woman walks in with her family dressed to the nines and says she’s checking in for her appointment, but I don’t see it.)

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see you in the system. What time was your appointment for?”

Customer: “10:40 am. Are you almost ready for me? My daughter won’t cooperate for long.”

(The current time is 3:30 pm.)

Me: “Oh, well, since your appointment was for this morning I won’t be able to get you in now because we are fully booked—”

Customer: “What do you mean? I made an appointment and I expect to be seen!”

Me: “Yes, but you are five hours late for your appointment. As I was saying, we are booked today but I do have time tomorrow if you like.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I can’t believe you don’t honor appointments!”

Me: “We do, but you are five hours late.”

Customer: “But you should be ahead of schedule!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I didn’t show up for my appointment earlier so you should be ahead of schedule now since you had one less appointment to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, all of the other guests we’ve had today didn’t magically know to show up earlier for their appointment because you wanted to come in later.”

(She continued to rant about how we should be ahead of schedule for her until we finally asked her to calm down or leave. The other guests in our very crowded studio started clapping when she left.)

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