Cold Customers To Calculating Staff

| Ashford, Kent, UK | At The Checkout, Math & Science

(Working on the till can sometimes get a bit boring and repetitive, especially when having to ask the same questions over and over again. To keep my brain busy, when a customer pays with cash I sometimes work out the change in my head before the till tells me what it is.)

Me: “Your change today will be [amount].”

(I enter the amount of money given into the till. Sure enough, I am correct with the change.)

Customer: “You knew it beforehand? How did you know?”

Me: “Um, mental arithmetic?”

Customer: “No, no! You work in a shop! You shouldn’t know math! Honestly, what next?!”

Makes You Want To Run A Mile In No One’s Shoes

| Kent, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I’m working alone at a smaller store in a well-known local chain. Only two of the 20 locations in the state sell shoes, but people always ask. I’m ringing up a customer when the phone rings.)

Me: “Sorry, I have to grab that.”

Customer: “Okay! No problem.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [store] in Kent; how can I help you?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [store] in Kent.”

Caller: *screaming* “HI, DO YOU GUYS HAVE SHOES?”

Me: “Sorry, no, the only stores that have shoes are [location] and [location].”

Caller: “ARE YOU SURE?”

Me: “…yeah, you have to go to either [location] or [location] if you want shoes.”

Caller: “I DON’T LIKE THAT ANSWER.”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s the only one I have for you. Anything else I can do for you tonight?”

Caller: “NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! UGH!” *click*

Me: “Well, okay then…”

Customer: *laughing* “Sounds like you’re having a great night so far!”

If A Tree Falls In A Dollar Store…

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a dollar store that has a lot of varying inventory. It’s not uncommon for people to come in and ask me if we have received a particular item in on the truck.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes I did. I love coming in here and seeing all the new stuff you get. But I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, if I can’t answer it I’m sure I can find someone who can.”

Customer: “If I’m looking for something and I can’t find it, is it free?”

Me: “I would suppose so. If we don’t have it, I can’t charge you for buying it.”

Customer: “So if I look around and I do find it?”

Me: “Then you found it and it’s no longer free.”

(The customer thinks for a second while I finish ringing him up, pays, and turns back to me as he’s walking out.)

Customer: “You win this round; can I go home now?”

Me: “I assume so; I’m not stopping you.”

(The customer walks out happy as can be.)

War On Terrible Customers

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Military

(My husband and I are waiting in line. There is a customer in front of us that is finishing up her transaction, and a younger customer in the line behind us. The customer cashes out but then tells us it will be just one more minute since she has to ring up some other items in a separate transaction.)

Younger Customer: “Oh my God, lady! Just hurry up already! People have places to be you know!”

Customer: *turning to speak to us* “I’m so sorry; I just needed to ring my personal items up separately. You see, I volunteer to send care packages to our troops overseas and need to keep the donated items separate from my personal stuff.”

My Husband: “Oh, no problem. It’s really awesome of you to do that! Take your time.”

Customer: “I figure it’s the least I could do in exchange for everything they do for us.”

(By this point, the younger girl behind us starts groaning again and I turn around and shoot her a dirty look. She turns a little red and looks away.)

Customer: *after finishing her last transaction* “Oh dear, I forgot to scan these last few items. Oh well, I guess these will just have to be put back. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”

My Husband: “Here, let us pay for those. Just stick them with our stuff.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, thank you! Here you go. Have a wonderful evening.”

(We put the items through on our order and just as the last one is scanned, the customer starts to walk away.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! Don’t forget about these!”

Customer: “Oh, you guys are buying them for the care packages? I thought you were just going to keep them for yourself so they wouldn’t have to be put back. Oh my goodness, that is just the nicest thing!” *starts welling up* “You didn’t have to do that. You are such good people. Thank you so much! I know they will be appreciated!”

(At this point, the customer comes back and gives us a hug before walking off. The younger customer starts unloading her cart full of stuff on the belt, but as soon as our transaction is finished, the checker decides to close the lane, forcing her to go stand in a line with about 10 other people waiting. Serves her right!)

Uncoiling His Plot

, | MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I am a female that works for an retail parts shop. Because of this, a lot of people believe they can pull one over on me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes I need a coil pack for my car.”

Me: “Okay, what is the year, make and model?” *he tells me his car* “Okay. I have a coil pack in stock for $89.99.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I called Competing Parts Store], and they said they had it for $34.99.”

Me: “Okay, hon, no problem.”

(I know this is wrong, since I am familiar with how our rivals tend to price things. I proceed to call the other store, and get their actual pricing.)

Me: “All right, hon, looks like they made a mistake with you. They actually list their coil pack at $91.99, but seeing as their economy pack is $87.99 I can go ahead and match that price for you.”

Customer: “Um… well, it was actually their online price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not match online pricing in store. But you are more then welcome to purchase online, hon.”

(I hear the guy’s friend whisper to him.)

Friend: “I told you it wasn’t gonna work.”