Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

(We go to the cable aisle.)

Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

Customer: “This is the one I need?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Just like that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

Customer: “And you’re sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “Because they are all universal.”

Customer: “But how do you know that?”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”

(I am taking my 3 year old shopping for summer clothes.)

Me: “Alright, son. Pick out a package of underwear. You can have any one you want.”

Son: *picks up a pirate package* “I want these! Then I can be a Butt Pirate!”

(A customer hears an Elvis song playing and starts the following conversation with me.)

Customer: “Oh, I love Elvis. He’s the best! Do you know who Elvis is?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t believe you don’t know who Elvis is!”

Me: “Uh… I said I do.”

Customer: “Oh, you kids nowadays… don’t know any good music!”

Me: *giving up* “Yeah, I guess not.”

(Two days later, she comes in with a huge Elvis poster and asks for me at the register.)

Customer: “Hey, where’s that foreign girl who doesn’t know who Elvis is?”

(I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”

Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”

Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*

(I am a woman working at a shop that specializes in mountain climbing equipment. I happen to be very experienced when it comes to trekking, so often colleagues ask me to help people who are planning a mountain trek. My coworker is bringing a male customer over to me for trek-planning help.)

Coworker: “And here’s [My Name] now. She’s our expert when it comes to mountain treks!”

Male Customer: “Don’t be stupid.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Male Customer: “Girls don’t climb mountains.”

Me: *laughs* “This girl does! Where are you hoping to climb?”

Male Customer: “Well, I’m climbing the highest peak in the Atlas region.”

Me: “Oh, Jebel Toubkal? Excellent, I did that last year. What time of year are you planning to go?”

Male Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Male Customer: “Can you just bring back the man I spoke to first? I’m sure he’ll know more about it than you.”

Me: “You think my male colleague, who specializes in camping, low-level trekking, and biking, will be more equipped to help you than me, a woman who climbed the exact mountain you’re planning to climb?”

Male Customer: “Yes.”

(I fetched my coworker, who was forced to continue checking with me to see if what he was selling was okay. The worst part: my staff identification picture is of me at the summit of Jebel Toubkal!)

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