Silence Of The Hipsters

| Australia | Right | April 20, 2016

(I work in a music and DVD store that prides itself on being able to provide hard to find items. Each of us working in the story try to have as broad a knowledge as possible of different movies, TV, and music, and so we often surprise customers when they request something they think we’ll never heard of. Occasionally, though, a customer will go out of their way to try to prove us wrong.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you had a TV series called Hannibal.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s a pretty good seller at the moment. The third season’s just been released.”

Customer: “Have you watched it?”

Me: “Oh, my god, yes! I love it! Bryan Fuller can do no wrong, as far as I’m concerned.”

Customer: *scoffing* “You know it’s based on a movie, right? You probably haven’t seen it. It’d be before your time. It’s called The Silence of the Lambs.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’ve seen Silence of the Lambs.”

Customer: “You must be older than you look.”

Me: “I just really like movies.”

Customer: “You know, there was a song written about Hannibal Lecter. It was a few years ago, but you probably haven’t heard it since it wasn’t played on most radio stations.”

Me: “You mean Lotion by the Greenskeepers? It made the Hottest 100 that year; I think it was 2005 or 2006. It’s an awesome song; it really gets the Buffalo Bill vibe down.”

Customer: *suddenly aggravated* “You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “This place is a sham, helping big corporations to funnel mass produced crap media into the homes of unknowing idiots. You think just because you can spout off some facts about a culturally significant movie that it makes you better than me? You still sell One Direction to screaming teeny boppers.”

Me: “At least the teeny boppers are polite.”

Customer: “WELL, DVDS ARE OUTDATED TECHNOLOGY!” *storms off*

Coworker: “What was that?”

Me: “I think I just out-hipstered a hipster, by knowing random facts about a popular TV show, which is based on a popular book series.”

Coworker: “People are so weird.”

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First Class A**-Hole With First World Problems

| USA | Right | April 20, 2016

(I work for a very exclusive fashion house, and many of our customers like to frequent an online forum about luxury handbags. These are hands down the WORST clients because they think that everything they read or see on the attached YouTube videos is absolute truth.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Welcome to [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have a problem. You did not give me the right storage box for my bag. You also did not give me the right felt. It’s flat, and all crunched up in the box.”

(She pulls out one of our signature pieces, which is known for its ability to fold flat.)

Me: “Oh, you have the [Bag]! It’s one of our classic pieces, and it’s folded the way it was designed to be stored. The felt that you received is the same one that came with the piece when it arrived from the workshop, and the box we wrapped it in was specifically designed to hold this bag while it’s folded.”

Customer: “That is a bald-faced lie. I went on [Online Forum], and asked everyone. They said it should come fully stuffed with bubble wrap, and in a box twice this size. I’ve also been watching YouTube videos of people’s bag reveals, and theirs look totally different.”

Me: “Okay, well, we have very specific company guidelines on how to wrap these pieces, but I can wrap it differently if you prefer.”

Customer: “I want you to wrap it the way they did on YouTube. And I want an apology for having to drive all the way out here.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll re-wrap.”

(I take her bag in the back, pull some bubble wrap from the recycle bin, and stuff it, and put it in another box. I take it out…)

Customer: “That’s not the box from the video.”

Me: “Well, this is what I have that will fit.”

Customer: *opens box… now REALLY annoyed* “And it’s not the right felt! What kind of service is this?”

Me: “Why don’t you show me the video?”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to do that. You should be smart enough to know what you’re doing.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you’re asking me to do. If you showed me—”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to tell you how to do your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, people post a lot of things online. They don’t always use the same felts and boxes that we might here in the store to post their pictures. They stage things.”

Customer: “Oh, so, it might not even be real? Why would they post if it wasn’t real?”

Me: “I don’t know. Without knowing what you saw, I can’t tell. I can only wrap it the way that I know or how you just described.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. You can just wrap it up like it was before, then. I’ll just take it the way it was.”

Me: *sighs, walks in the back to wrap it again*

I Come Fully Armed

| London, England, UK | Working | April 20, 2016

(My coworker only has the use of one arm because of a disability, but she is just as capable and competent as anyone else in the store, even if it does take her a little longer to do certain tasks. She is working our only till when a family asks for all of their items to be gift wrapped, and a queue quickly forms since she has to do both at once. Knowing it will be faster if we split the work, I jump in:)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I can wrap those while you work the till.”

Coworker: *defensively and loud enough for the customers to hear* “What? No! I can do it on my own. Go watch people or something.”

(I gave the seven lined up customers a sympathetic “well, I tried” look and they rather sadly watched me fold clothes for the next twenty minutes.)

Better ‘Safe’ Than Sorry

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Working | April 19, 2016

(My manager has just come out of a meeting with her manager.)

Manager: “[Her Manager] just told me to remove my name badge from my lanyard. I always wear it there; I don’t see what the problem is.”

Me: “Your key lanyard?”

Manager: “Yes. Just in case I lose them, everyone will know they are mine.”

Me: “Uh, your key lanyard with the front door, back door, and office keys?”

Manager: “Yes, why?”

Me: “The office that holds the safe?”

Manager: “It’s got a combination.”

Me: “It’s not a very secure combination. If I was robbing the place it would be the second combination I would try.”

Manager: “What would be the first?”

Me: “0000.”

Manager: “Oh… maybe I should change the combination. Anyway, there’s a code on the tearoom door.”

Me: “The tearoom door that is in the wall that doesn’t go all the way to the ceiling? The same one you keep the ladder next to?”

Manager: “Oh, s***.”

One Lucky Customer

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | April 18, 2016

(It’s kind of late in my shift. I call the next customer, an elderly man. He puts his merchandise on the counter. He immediately starts staring at my chest.)

Male Customer: “Wow, am I lucky. Wow.”

(I don’t know how to react without being rude so I just ring him up as quickly as possible. The entire time he’s staring at me and repeating:)

Male Customer: “Wow, am I lucky. Wow. When do you get off?”

(Since I don’t want to deal with him any more I tell him his total and stick every single item into one bag neatly enough that it won’t tear or break but badly enough that the bag weighs way too much, set it behind the counter, and wait for him to pay. He pays, and I hand him the approximately 20 lb bag.)

Male Customer: “Oh, thanks…”

(He stops smiling and kind of waddles out of the store with his bag. The next customer has a 28-item return and repurchase to get the points on their card. The customer after THAT comes up to me.)

Female Customer: “That looked intense.”

Me: “Yeah. The sad thing is that was still better than the customer before them.”

Female Customer: “Oh, what happened?”

Me: “Uh, it was an old dude and he was being creepy.”

Female Customer: “Oh, ew. I’m sorry.”

(I finish ringing her two-item purchase and read her price. She pays for her merchandise and I bag it very nicely and neatly.)

Female Customer: “Well, I hope I wasn’t as much trouble. And I didn’t hit on you. Have a good night.”

(Not gonna lie; that comment helped me keep it together until we closed.)

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