The Mother Of Bad Pickup Lines

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I’m cleaning behind the registers alone when a customer comes up to the counter. He looks about 30 and is a little unkempt looking. I’m 18. He’s been staring at me and overall been acting creepy and talking about how he can’t buy more shoes or socks because his mother won’t let him. Finally at the end of the transaction, this happens:)

Customer: “You know… I think you’re very attractive… Would you, maybe.. Like to go out some time?”

Me: “Thank you. That’s very sweet but I’m still in high school.”

Customer: “Oh, what grade?”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “I don’t mind.”

Me: “Maybe another time, but thank you.”

(He then proceeds to ask again and I decline a second time.)

Customer: “So, where do you live?”

Me: “Oh, around here.”

Customer: “Well I live in [retirement apartment complex].”

(I assume this means he lives with his mother. He then proceeds to give me his email address and name on a post it note which I accept because at that point I just wanted him out. He’s been seen in the shopping centre near my store but hasn’t come back yet. Thank god!)

Mothers In Disguise

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I am shopping to get some polos for my mom and my little brother, who are at a concert. I am a 20-year-old woman; however, my voice makes me sound younger. I also love a particular robot franchise. I am searching the toy aisle for a figure that I don’t have, when I approach another customer in the aisle.)

Customer: *huffs, turns to her husband* “Look at her. Can’t keep them together.”

Me: *looks at her*

Customer: “Yes, I am talking about you! You shouldn’t be having children at your age!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “And how can you afford to spoil your kid? You can’t get a decent job like that!”

Me: *realizing what she is implying* “Actually, I can spoil my kids.” *reaches into my shopping basket to pull out a can of cat treats* “See?”

Customer: *crosses her arms*

Me: “This…” *pulls a buildable figure off the rack* “…is for me.”

Customer: “So immature!”

(I am used to getting criticism for liking the robot franchise, which is aimed at younger boys.)

Me: *shrugs* “So?

(Just then, the woman’s son peers from another aisle.)

Customer’s Son: “Mommy, I can’t find them with the Legos.” *looks at me* “Is that [Character]?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Customer’s Son: “That’s the one I want!”

Customer: *turns to face away*

Me: *kneels down to hand it to her son* “Do you have [Other Character]? He goes with [Character].”

Customer’s Son: “Really?”

Me: “Yep! They and [Third Character] make a group known as a trine. They’re best together.”

(The woman’s husband grabs the other character’s box as the woman sulks away.)

Customer’s Son: “Thank you! Sorry Mommy was mean. She said [Franchise] is for little kids and I’m a big boy, but now I know it’s for big girls, too!”

Gotta Hand It To Him

| Campbellton, NB, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(There is a really creepy guy who comes into our store almost every day. He usually just chats with the female staff, telling us all how sexy we are and inviting us over for coffee, and is generally harmless. One day near Halloween I am on a ladder stocking a shelf when I feel someone rubbing my backside. I jump, nearly falling off my ladder, and turned around in time to see the creepy customer, smiling strangely at me.)

Me: “Excuse me. Did you just touch my bottom?”

Customer: “Who, me? No. No, not me.”

Me: “I’m sure someone just touched me, and you were right there. Did you see who it might have been?”

(The customer then holds up a rubber decorative hand from the Halloween department and looks me dead in the eye.)

Customer: “It was him… I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! IT WAS THE HAND! Unless you liked it…” *winks at me* “…then it was me.”

(He walks out holding the fake hand above his head, the whole time shouting to nobody in particular.)

Customer: “It was the hand! Not me, but the hand! Come over for coffee and see what my hand can do!

(We didn’t even bother to stop him from walking out without paying for it. The $2 just wasn’t worth it.)

Not Being Very Adult About It

| Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I work at an adult themed store. We close at 10 pm and I have just locked the doors. I have two friends waiting for me in the parking lot, and we start having a conversation. Before we know it, we have been standing around talking for two hours, when a guy in a truck pulls up and gets out of his car.)

Customer: *pulling on door* “Aw, are you guys closed?”

Me: “Yeah, we closed two hours ago.”

Customer: “Well, can you open real quick? I need to buy something.”

Me: “No, we closed two hours ago. If it was really important you would have come in earlier.”

Customer: “But it IS important! You should open and let me buy something!”

Me: “Dude, this is a PORN store. It’s not life threatening, so, no I will not be opening. Buy your sexy-time things elsewhere.”

Customer: *slinks off embarrassed*

Underwear Scare

| Duluth, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Excuse me? I need to get some underwear. I know what I want, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Can you describe the brand to me?”

Customer: “Well, actually, I’m wearing it right now. Could you just look at it and tell me if you have it?”

(At this point, in the middle of the sales floor, she literally UNZIPS her pants, pushes them down a little, and pulls out the tag.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am really not comfortable doing this. If you could go into a fitting room and write down the information on the tag, I would be happy to help you.”

Customer: “No, just read the tag! It’s right here!”

(I’m backing away, and she actually manages to CORNER me.)

Me: “Ma’am, I would have to touch your underwear in order to do that. I’m really not comfortable with that while it’s ON YOUR BODY.”

Customer: “I don’t see what the big deal is! REACH IN THERE AND READ THE TAG!”

Me: *squinting and pretending to read, lying through my teeth* “You know what? I think we discontinued that brand a while back. We don’t have this anymore.”

Customer: “Oh really? That’s a shame. I always liked this underwear.”

Me: “Yeah, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well… have you met Jesus yet?”

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