Unable To Measure This Level Of Ridiculousness

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(We’re a store that supplies medieval needs for re-enactors, film, and theater. The phone rings and I pick it up.)

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]. What can we do for you today?”

Customer: “Hi! We’re doing a film. I need a pair of helmets and armour with a whitish look, like from The Hunger Games. How much is that?”

Me: “That’s not an off-the-shelf product. We’d have to make those.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I guess because none of the larger manufacturers have bothered to get a license, or because it’s a design the costume designer didn’t want to sell rights to.”

Customer: “Can you make them?”

Me: “Yeah, we do custom work. I’ve read the books, but never saw the movies, so I’d need you to send through some pictures. I also need your measurements fo—”

Customer: “I’m a large.”

Me: “A large in what size system?”

Customer: “My size.”

(I’m already face-palming at this point, but I press on. A lot of the theater and film people are difficult to deal with, but pay well.)

Me: “And these are both for you?”

Customer: “What? No. They’re for the actors.”

Me: “Right. I’ll need them to come in for a fitting, then. I can get your deposit at the same time, too.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for it unless it’s right.”

Me: “Considering I have to go and buy specific leather for this, you ARE paying for at least that much up fro—”

Customer: “No, I w—”

Me: “YES! You will. If you want our service, that part is non-negotiable! “

Customer: “Hey, man, I’m trying to do you a favour here. People will see your work in my movie.”

(My eyes are rolling hard enough to make them ache at this point.)

Me: “I appreciate that, mate, but I’ve got plenty of my work in movies, which is why I can afford to be the one to set the terms. Now, I’ll need you to come in with the actors so I can take some measurements, then call [Tannery] and get them to deliver.”

Customer: “Fine! I have to say, you’re being really unprofessional here. How long is it all going to take?”

Me: “If you’re willing to pay extra, they can do next day delivery, and if I work over the weekend, I can have it ready for you on Tuesday.”

Customer: “There’s not enough time for that. Why can’t you just make it? I thought you were meant to be a professional.”

Me: “Because I have to go and buy materials, cut, dye, and… wait. Not enough time. When do you need this by?”

Customer: “Oh, the shoot’s on Friday, in two days.”

Paying The Price Of Your Obfuscation

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I work in a large kitchen and bath fixture showroom. A customer walks in wanting to check out a shower set.)

Customer: *points at a shower set* “How much is this?”

Me: “Do you know which finish you would like it in? Each finish will be a different price. Also, are you doing a remodel or a replacement?”

Customer: *glares at me* “I want the price of this exact one. And that is none of your business.”

Me: “Great, that is a lovely color choice for that set. Unfortunately, I have to ask that question, because showers are controlled by brand-specific valves in the wall. This shower will not work witho—”

Customer: “I don’t care. What is the price?”

(I tell her the price for the set, explaining that it is a specialty color that needs to be ordered, which should only take a few days.)

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Write down that price for me.”

(I write down the price and make of the fixtures, as well as the color she is looking at, and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now, I do want to specify that if you do not buy the valves, the shower won’t work.”

Customer: “We all know that is a lie.” *rolls eyes* “You just want more money from us, even though you overcharge.”

Me: “We work off of manufacturing prices here, but each brand really does have their own valve—”

Customer: “Just stop talking. I am really done with your lies. Now, I want this shower. When will it get here?”

Me: “Would you like to order it today?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “Are you stupid? I have my receipt right now.”

(She waves the handwritten paper in my face that is obviously in no way an order form. I never gave any indication that it was. She merely asked for the price.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is just pricing.”

Customer: “What are you talking about now?”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for a price. What you are holding is a price.”

Customer: “Well, order it then!”

Me: “If you would like to have a seat—”

Customer: “Just order it!”

Me: “Okay, I need a full name and phone number.”

Customer: “Those are private.”

Me: “Um, well, I need to put them in our system. That way, when the order comes in, I have a way to contact you.”

Customer: “That is not true. I order things all the time and they never ask for my number.”

Me: “Ma’am, how else would we be able to contact you when your order has arrived?”

Customer: “I am uncomfortable with your handling my information. I am going to go somewhere else.”

Me:.”…..”

(Two weeks later, I get a phone call:)

Customer: “Where is my order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed an order.”

Customer: “I have a receipt!”

Me: “Ma’am, you have a price. I asked for your information, but you left before anything could be ordered.”

Customer: “You should have ordered it anyway!”

Me: “Ma’am, no money was put down, so it was not possible for anything to be ordered. Half of the cost must be put down first. You informed me that you were going to order elsewhere.”

Customer: “This is extortion!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never took money from you.”

(The customer hangs up. She came back in three days later, and still didn’t buy anything after another employee informed her she needed to purchase the right valves so that her shower would work.)


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How A DS RPG Killed The ESRB

, , | | Right | September 21, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy videogame related experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

(Customer brings a mediocre role playing game for the Nintendo DS up to the counter.)

Customer: “Hey, would this game be good for an eight year old?”

Me: “Well, does he like RPGs?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t let him watch anything rated R.”

Me: “Oh…I mean, does he like role playing games?”

Customer: “Whats that? That like one of them Mario games?”

Me: “No, it’s one where you follow a story line and usually has a lot of reading, like Final Fantasy. Has he ever played anything like that before?”

Customer: “Oh, he don’t read books. And I don’t like that it’s rated R and PG.”

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Unfiltered Story #95382

, , | Unfiltered | September 21, 2017

(I am trying to get a new subscription for my phone. The site won’t accept my SIM number because it’s either too long or too short, so I call customer service.)

Me: “Hello I’d like to buy [subscription name here] the site didn’t work.”

Employee: “Okay, what’s the SIM card number?”

Me: *tells the number*

Employee: “Hmmm, I’m afraid that doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Yes, that’s why we’re calling customer service.”

Employee: “Ah it fits now, I added a ‘1’ in front of it, now it fits.”

Me: “But… then it isn’t my SIM card?”

Employee: *ignores it and moves on*

Me: *thinks he corrected it anyway and continues as well*

(A few days later I get an e-mail from the company saying the SIM card number was incorrect and I had to send the correct info. In the end I sent the info to my father who handled it for me, idk what exactly he sent but it worked out.)

How Do I Say This Without Sounding Like An A**-Hole?

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I am working at [Retailer] as an overnight stocker when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where to find mustard?”

Me: “It would be my pleasure. It’s on aisle two.”

Customer: “Which aisle is that?”

Me: “…the aisle with the big two over it.”

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