(My mom and I are at a chain beauty supply store and I’ve finally broken down and decided to sign up for the rewards program. The clerk is asking me all the necessary questions.)

Clerk: “Okay, so I need your birth date so you can get your eyebrows done for free on our birthday.”

Me: “Oh, that’s awesome! July 17th.”

Clerk: “Okay… that’s what, 5/17? Oh, wait… no, I’m so silly! 5 is June!”


Me: *trying not to sound rude* “Actually, it’s 7/17.”

Clerk: “What?!” *thinks for a moment* “Oh… oh my God! I’m too blonde for my own good.”

(I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “Coke.”

Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE.”

Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE!”

Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

Cashier: “There we go!”

(I am trying to exchange a lousy video game that came bundled with a previous game I purchased, which is within the store’s policy. Note that while I’m an avid gamer, I’m often told I don’t “look” like a gamer.)

Employee #1: “Okay, we’ll put the balance on a gift card for you.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Employee #1: “So what was this, a joke gift?”

Me: “I know right, [title] is a horrible game. Why even bother? I guess they have to give it away to make shelf room.”

Employee #1: “No. I mean because of you.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee #1: “Because you’re… I mean, look at you: you obviously don’t play games. So, whoever got this for you was just trying to mess with you. Girls who play video games are fat and ugly.”

Me: “Actually, I am a gamer. I’m returning this game because it’s awful. I can’t even wade through the miserable plot since the physics engine is subpar and the graphics are hilariously dated, though I suppose that’s to be expected by [development company]. Plus, I’m not into this genre; I much prefer FPS games. Just because I don’t look like your ignorant assumption doesn’t mean I couldn’t kick your ass on any game, any day. It’s really rude of you to assume a gamer girl has to look a certain way to enjoy video games. It makes you come off like an a**hole to have such closed-minded, verbal assumptions.”

Employee #1: *stares open-mouthed*

(Employee #2, who was next to Employee #1 the whole time bursts out laughing.)

Employee #2: “D***, [Employee #1], she told you! That’s what you get though, dude. You kinda deserved that one!”

Related:
Call Of Duty: Misogynist Warfare

This story is part of our Awesome Girl Gamer roundup!

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Manager: “Can you check the SKU for this, please?”

(My manager hands me the item so I can scan it. I try to find the barcode, but both the manager and I notice that the tag or label appears to be missing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Har har har, it must be free!”

Manager: “F*** YOU! I may not be able to do anything about customers who tell that stupid a** joke, but as for you, this ends here!”

(This marks the first and last time I’ve ever used a ‘customer joke!’)

(Whenever a customer asks for cash-back, I always repeat the amount back to them just to make sure I have heard correctly.)

Customer: “Can I have £30?”

Me: “That’s £30?”

Customer: “No, £30.”

Me: “Yes, £30 cash-back?”

Customer: “No, I want £30.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I said, £30 cash-back.

Customer: “Look, do you do cash-back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, can I have £30?”