Me: “…and would you like to put a three year warranty on this product? It protects it with us so you don’t have to deal with the manufacturer. ”

Man: “Three years? I only plan on using this until December!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Are you moving or something?”

Man: “Uh, no. Didn’t you hear? The world is going to end in December. Your warranty is useless! You’re just trying to get more money out of me while we still have a system of value! I see what you’re doing!”

Me: *speechless*

Man: “You won’t survive long in the wasteland.”

Me: “Uh huh. You have a nice day, sir.”

(It is 1992. I am working cash register.)

Customer: “Can you guys order a disc if I don’t see it out here?”

Me: “Sure, I can make you a special order.”

Customer: “Great, what do I do?”

(We go through a form with the customer’s name, phone number, the band name and the album name.)

Customer: “They’re called Split Enz, and the album is See You Around.”

Me: “Oh, cool, I’ve heard of that band, but not that album. One minute…”

(I look up the album in our distributor’s catalog.)

Me: “Hmm, they don’t list that album here.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So, I can’t place the order without the distributor’s catalog number. Hang on a second.”

(I phone the distributor and find out that the album is out of print.)

Me: “They say it’s actually called See Ya Round, but I’m sorry, I can’t order this for you. The album is out of print.”

Customer: “Of course it is! That’s why I need you to order it for me!”

Me: “If there aren’t any copies out in the bins, I can’t order you something that’s not being made anymore.”

Customer: “No, it’s out of print! Order me a new one!”

Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t actually work that way. If it’s out of print, the record company isn’t making it anymore. They aren’t sending us any more copies. It’s out of print.”

Customer: “Yes, I know it’s out of print. That’s why I have to order it, duh! Why can’t you get it?”

Me: “Because it’s out of print?”

Customer: “I just said that! Order one!”

Me: “Um, have you tried any of the used record stores in town?”

Customer: “Jeez! If it’s out of print, why can’t you just order me one?!” *storms out*

(My mother and I are shopping because she needs a new broom. We are at the checkout.)

Clerk: “Would you like me to wrap this up for you?”

Mother: “No thanks, I’ll ride it home.”

(I am a customer at an optical store. As the clerk is inputting my order, the phone rings. Meanwhile, the manager is sitting at her desk cruising the Internet.)

Clerk: “Excuse me.” *answers phone* “[Store name], this is [clerk’s name]. How can I help you?” *pause* “Yes, ma’am.” *pause* “I’m waiting on another customer, so can I place you on hold?”

(At this point, the second line rings. The clerk looks frazzled & tries but fails to interrupt the first caller to answer the second line. Meanwhile we are still waiting.)

Manager: *to the clerk* “I TOLD you that you have to answer the phone!”

Me: “Guess she shouldn’t have been sitting here waiting on a customer.”

Manager: *gives me a dirty look*

Clerk: *to the first caller* “Ma’am, as I have been trying to tell you, I have another customer here. If you can just wait a few seconds I can finish with them and give you all the time you need.”

(With that, the clerk finally manages to place call on hold and turns to me.)

Clerk: “Okay, so will you be wanting to order a six month supply or the entire year? If you order the year we have a discount—”

Me: “That’s okay. I know. We want the year.”

Clerk: “Great, so that’s—”

Manager: “STOP! You didn’t tell them about the discount! You have to tell them.”

Me: “I know about it and we are ordering the year’s worth.”

Manager: “But she didn’t tell you.”

Me: “Well, it’s stated pretty clearly on that very large sign behind her. Since she had to answer the phone, we had lots of time to read it.”

Manager: “Well, it’s company policym so she has to tell you.” *to the clerk* “Oh, [clerk’s name], be sure to get that guy I put on hold. He needs help.”

Me: “Wait a minute. You want her to tell me about something I already know so she can try to sell me what I already said I want AND deal with two other customers on the phone at the same time?”

Manager: “Yeah.”

Me: “And I’m supposed to wait while she’s on the phone?”

Manager: *snarkily* “Yeeessss. She’s busy, duh!”

Me: “And why can’t you help someone?”

Manager: *stamps her foot* “I’m the manager!”

(I ended up calling to complain to the district manager. Unfortunately, her tone suggested I was not the first one to complain!)

(I’m at the counter of my local DVD store purchasing a DVD when the following happens.)

Cashier: “Did you know for an extra £3 you can buy this film on Blu-ray?”

Me: “Yes, thank you, but I don’t have a Blu-ray player.”

Cashier: “But for an extra £3 you get a better quality picture, an extra disk of features, and it’s in 3D!”

Me: “I’m honestly okay. I don’t have a Blu-ray player.”

Cashier: “It’s only an extra £3! You could buy the Blu-ray and play it on a [console] if you don’t have a Blu-ray player!”

Me: “Look, I know you have to try to upsell as I work for your branch in [town], but I really don’t have a Blu-ray player or a [console], so a Blu-ray copy would be no good to me!”

Cashier: “FINE! Take your stupid DVD, then!” *slams purchase into a bag*