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Tornado 1, Whiny Caller 0

, , , | Right | July 26, 2008

(This happened during the Midwest’s massive flooding in June, 2008.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. I’m sorry, but—”

Caller: “Can you get me the price of a digital camera?”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry but we are currently in a code black.”

Caller: “What is that?”

Me: “That is where the managers are telling the employees and the customers to move to the center of the store due to violent weather.”

Caller: “But could you just look for me quick?”

Me: “Sorry, but I have to get to the back of the store because there is a tornado coming!”

Caller: “You people are so selfish. I am going to call your district manager and—”

Me: *hangs up and runs for my life*

Her Wiser Self Is Weeping Right Now

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, may I see your ID for your credit card?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: *points to the back* “Because it says to ‘See ID’.”

Customer: “Oh, right. I wrote that there so you can take it.”

Me: “I still need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Why? I wrote that so you know it’s me.”

Me: “Imagine if someone stole your card, told me they wrote ‘See ID’ and I accepted it?”

Customer: “But that didn’t happen; it’s really my card. Just take it!”

Grab Bag: MMA-SF

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2008

I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me:

1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts, and keep me company?”

3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream, ‘I want to be alone’?!”

5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

Exorcisms Not Included

, , , | Right | July 23, 2008

(I’m a cashier at a popular toy store chain when a woman came up to the register with an opened Ouija board.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

Me: “Is there anything, in particular, that’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “Well, no, it works. I’m returning it because it let evil spirits into my house!”

Me: *laughs*

Customer: “Why are you laughing? This game let spirits into my house, and I demand a refund!”

Me: “Uh, oh, alright then.” *I process the return*

Customer: *On the way out* “You really shouldn’t be selling satanic toys like this. What if a demon had come through and possessed one of my children?”

Me: “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll definitely pass that on to management.”

No Means No Means No

, , , | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl-like environment are bettas.”

Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

Customer: “What about the platties?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

Me: *facepalm*


This story is part of the Terrible Fish Owners roundup!

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