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Family (Pre)Tensions

| Related | January 16, 2013

(I’m grocery shopping with my dad.)

Dad: “Next on the list is spicy picante salsa for your brother.”

Me: “Well, ‘picante’ is just Spanish for ‘spicy’, so you can just get any kind that says ‘picante.'”

Dad: “So, when I say ‘spicy picante’, I’m being redundant?”

Me: “Yeah, pretty much.”

(We find our way to the salsa aisle.)

Dad: “Okay… your brother prefers the Pace brand. Is that how it’s pronounced?”

(He’s saying it like the English word pace, like ‘pace around’.)

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know how it’s pronounced in Spanish, but in Italian it’s pronounced ‘pa-chay’. It means peace.”

Dad: “Where did you learn that?”

Me: “In Italy.”

(I went to Italy for a school trip in high school. My dad, of course, knew that as he paid for the whole thing.)

Dad: “Do you have any idea how pretentious you sound?”

Making No Concessions

| Right | January 16, 2013

(I work on a concession in a department store, and can’t handle any of the host store’s furniture or advise people on it. To help people realise the difference, I dress differently. I’m talking to a couple about my concessions bedroom furniture. The sir turns to a piece that isn’t mine.)

Sir: “Tell me about that one.”

Me: “I can’t advise you on that; it’s [Host Store]’s product.”

Lady: “What?”

Me: “I’m not employed or trained to handle any of [Host Store]’s furniture, just my own company.”

Sir: “Stop all this talking and tell me about it.”

Me: “I can lend you a tape measure if you want to get the measurements.”

Sir: “Why can’t you measure it?”

Me: “As I said, I’m not [Host Store], so I can’t do anything with their furniture.”

Lady: “You’re wasting our time.”

(The couple walk off, loudly complaining about my lack of service. Ten minutes later they come back to me.)

Sir: “We’re going to be buying these things.” *points to the Host Store’s pieces*

Me: “That’s lovely.” *I point out a host store employee* “She will be able to do it for you.”

Sir: “Why aren’t you?”

(I explain again why I can’t, but they won’t accept my explanation.)

Lady: “I’ve had enough of your bloody attitude! You’re lazy and I can’t believe you’re being paid to be rude.”

Sir: “That’s it, you’ve lost a sale!”

(Both dramatically storm away and continue raging about how terrible I am. On the way out, they manage to wrangle the store manager and bring her over.)

Store Manager: “Of course, she can’t sell you it; that’d be stealing. She’s from another company.”

Sir: “…So she’s not being lazy?”

Store Manager: “No, she’s doing her job sending you to one of my employees.” *turns to me* “Thank you for your help.”

(The couple go on to buy the pieces, but never did apologize for their behavior.)

An Unexpected Finale

| Working | January 16, 2013

Coworker: “So you saw The Hobbit last night?”

Me: “Yes, and I enjoyed it.”

Coworker: “Wait, don’t give any spoilers!”

Me: “Hadn’t planned on it. Though the scenery looked great on the high frames 3D setting.”

Coworker: “Did it end at a good spot? Wait, don’t tell me the story!”

Me: “He picked a good spot for the transition.”

Coworker: “That’s what I wanted to hear, but don’t tell me any spoilers!”

Me: “The butler did it.”

Coworker: “Wait! No! Not listening! Wait… what?”

Supermarket Sweep Meets Generation Game

| Related | January 15, 2013

(My coworker has the day off, but she comes to our store anyway to do some shopping. She has brought a young boy with her.)

Me: “Oh, hey! How’s it going?”

Coworker: “Oh, not too much. Just taking the kid out for shopping.”

Me: “Well, that’s nice! So this is your son, eh?”

Coworker: “Actually, he’s my grandson.”

(Although my coworker is an older woman, she doesn’t actually look that old. At the very least, she doesn’t look old enough to have grandchildren.)

Me: “Well, you sure fooled me! You look a lot younger!”

Coworker: “No, I am that much younger. My son is just an idiot.”

(Thanks to her brutal honesty, I am nearly dying of laughter.)

Coworker: “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my grandson. Of course I love my son too, but sometimes he can be such a moron.”

It Doesn’t Pay To Be Honest

| Working | January 15, 2013

(I am buying two boxes of hair dye. I have a coupon stating ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ up to a $13.99 value. The cashier rings them both up, then takes off $13.99 even though the hair dye was on sale at $11.50.)

Me: “I don’t think that’s right. The hair dye is only $11.50.”

Cashier: “The coupon is Buy 1 Get 1 FREE. Not Buy 1 Get 1 Half Off.”

Me: “I know that. The hair dye is only $11.50, so I shouldn’t get the whole $13.99 off.”

Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you. This is how coupons work. You get money off the price. If you don’t want money off the price, don’t use a coupon.”

Me: “You’re just giving me an extra $2.50.”

Cashier: “Learn to read the coupons and stop trying to get things for free!”