(To make it easier to keep track of how long things have been in our store, the date is printed on their tags along with a corresponding color. Right now we’re running a 50% off sale for almost every tag color except two, and there are multiple signs on our walls telling our customers this. A customer walks in briskly and approaches my counter without even looking at me.)

Customer: “I don’t want to think today. You’re going to tell me the price of things.”

Me: “Uh… okay?”

(The customer shoves a coat in my face.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “Well, what does the tag say?”

Customer: “I don’t want to think!”

Me: *looks at tag* “Well, it says that it’s $69. It’s also printed on a mint green tag. That means it’s 50% off right now.”

Customer: “I don’t want to think about it! How much is that?”

Me: “Well, half of 70 is 35, so it will be about $35.”

(The customer leaves the coat on my counter, and walks away in a huff. She then brings up another coat.)

Customer: “How much is this one?”

Me: “Well, what does that tag say?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I don’t want to think about it!”

Me: “The tag says it’s $99, and since it’s an orange tag, there’s no discount on it today.”

(The customer throws this coat down on top of the other, then proceeds to bring me a third.)

Customer: “How much is this one?”

Me: “Well, what does the tag say?”

Customer: “I already told you that I don’t want to think about it!”

(She walks out of my store angrily. Meanwhile, one of the regulars who was in the store and witnessed the entire exchange comes up to me.)

Regular: “Wow. She didn’t even say thank you.”

(I’m purchasing something from my workplace, and they happen to give very generous discounts to employees.)

Manager: “Alright kiddo, that’ll be $5.59.”

(I pay for my item. The next customer in line happens to be purchasing the same item.)

Manager: “That’ll be $22.39, please.”

Customer: “What!? That guy only paid five bucks for his! Why do I have to pay over $20?”

Manager: “Sir, he works here. He gets an employee discount.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying this price! I want to pay what he paid! This is a complete rip-off!”

Manager: “Alright, when can you start?”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The discount is for employees only. When can you start? I think I can arrange an interview for you next week.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would I want to work here? I already have a well-paying job! I don’t want to deal with any stupid customers!”

Manager: “And that’s why he gets a discount, and you don’t!”

(It’s early in the morning, and so the home-wares store that I work in is pretty quiet at the moment. It is so quiet, that I can hear this customer from the other end of the store as she walks in, getting progressively louder as she approaches me.)

Customer: “…coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups…”

(Hearing this, I turn around to see a middle aged woman and her 10-year-old son looking at me expectantly, still repeating ‘coffee cups’ as she gets closer.)

Me: “Um, was there something I can help you with tod—”

Customer: “…coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups…”

Me: *trying my best to act normal* “Sure… just on the shelf in the corner there.” *points*

Customer: “Ah! Coffee cups!”

(I’m about seven years old, shopping with my mom at the grocery store. My mother had stopped to look at something, and I am looking at a display in the center of the aisle. Out of nowhere, a very large old customer nearly rams her cart in to me.)

Old Customer: “You better move out of my way, ’cause I ain’t movin’ for you.”

Me: *terrified* “I’m sorry!”

(I quickly run to my mom.)

Me: “Mommy, I didn’t mean to! I moved as quickly as I could.”

Mom: “You didn’t do anything wrong, but next time someone acts like that; don’t move. You tell them to ask politely.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(We finish our shopping, and then my mother takes off nearly in a run. She comes to a stop in front of a shopping cart. I see the rude customer.)

Mom: “You better move out of my way, ’cause I ain’t movin’ for you.”

Old Customer: “Excuse me?”

Mom: “You heard me! How dare you act like that in public! How does it make you feel to talk to a seven-year-old that way?”

Old Customer: “But he—”

Mom: “If I ever see you treat my son like that again, you will have to answer to me. I bet you’re probably old and alone, if you’re that rude!”

Old Customer: *walks away in a huff*

(A customer is looking for an icy-pole maker.)

Me: “Okay, now you said you were after a certain brand name?”

Customer: “Yes, all I know is that it starts with a ‘K’.”

(We do not currently stock any icy-pole related products by brands starting with a ‘K’, but we do have some starting with a ‘C’.)

Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t one of these ones here, miss? We have—”

Customer: “No, no! I’ll know it when I see it. It definitely starts with ‘K’. Oh look, there it is!”

Me: “Um… are you sure, miss? That machine is by the Zoku brand.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! Zoku! It start’s with a ‘K’! ‘K’ for Zoku!”