(I work in a clothing store at an outlet mall where we get a lot of Canadian customers. It was particularly cold on the day this occurred. Two teenage girls walk into my store.)

Me: “Hey, how are you girls doing this morning? Are you staying warm?”

Girl #1: “We’re trying!”

Me: “When I came into the store from my car this morning, it was 18 degrees! That’s FREEZING!”

Girl #1: “Yeah it is… Wait, how did you know we were from Canada?”

Me: “…I didn’t…”

Girl #1: “But how did you know we needed Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?”

Me: “Uh… that was Fahrenheit.”

Girl #2: *laughs at her friend* “Wow! Now this girl probably thinks we’re stupid! Good job!”

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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(I work third shift as a cashier in a major retail chain. To keep everything running smoothly, all third shift cashiers are trained for running the service desk and answering the phone. It is spring break and there has been an increase of prank phone calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [large retail store]; how may I assist you?”

Caller: *giggling and unintelligible gibberish*

Me: “Sorry, what was that?”

Caller: “Is this the Krusty Krab?”

Me: *deadpan voice* “No, this is Patrick.”

Caller: *fits of laughter* “Thank you! You made my night!”

(I’m escorting a young couple around the store, and helping them register for their upcoming wedding. I hear my manager announce a Code Adam—a missing child security protocol in the United States—for a small boy over the P.A. system. I apologize to the couple, and start to walk to my assigned section when the man speaks up.)

Man: “Excuse me! We’re not done registering yet!”

Me: “I am so sorry, but as you heard, there is a Code Adam in place right now. I need to go help find the child. Hopefully we’ll find him quickly, and once we do, I’ll come back to you and help you finish your registry.”

Woman: “There are plenty of you working here; your coworkers can handle it. Besides, it is the fault of the parents for not paying attention to their little brats. Now, does this particular set come in stainless?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is a little kid missing right now. I cannot just assume that he’s okay. You can still take a look around and see if there is anything else you like while we’re searching. Like I said before, I will come back to you all once the child is found.”

Man: “Look b****, you obviously don’t get it. We’re ready to drop thousands of dollars with you guys for our wedding, as well as our new home. The least you can do is be more helpful and answer our questions. Otherwise, we’ll just go elsewhere.”

Me: “Sir, you are free to take your business anywhere you’d like.”

(I reach over and take the scan gun from the woman’s hand.)

Me: “And you’re right, I should be more helpful. I’m going to go help the parents of the missing kid, who are probably in hysterics right now.”

(I turn around and rush to my assigned area to begin searching for the missing boy. Luckily, I quickly find him building a pillow fort in our back stock room. The parents thanked me profusely, and I even received recognition from corporate!)

(I’m the closing supervisor and have just verified someone has finished their bi-weekly training. The training covers customer service, which includes not telling a customer ‘no’ without verification.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]; how can we help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for sweeping compound, lea—”

Coworker: “We don’t carry sweeping compound. What would you use it for? Kitty litter works fine.”

Customer: “I don’t need oil dry; I need sweeping compound.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell stupid s***.”

Me: *to my customer* “I’m sorry about this.” *to my coworker* “Go clock out and leave.” *to my customer again* “Sir, I apologize for how you’ve been treated. I’ll assist you today to get your list complete and then give you a 20% discount. Sweeping compound is right this way.”

(My coworker stomps off and calls the manager to say I was arguing with him and tried to fire him. The manager comes over as I am personally checking out the customer.)

Manager: “[My Name], need to talk quick.”

Me: “Sure.” *to the customer* “Thank you, sir, for being tolerant of us, and I hope to see you back.”

Customer: “Absolutely! Everyone else has been great.” *to the manager* “You hire the nicest, smartest girls here. Your grump could learn from them.”

Coworker: *seeing the customer leaving* “See! I told you we don’t carry that stupid s***!”

Manager: “[My Name], never mind. [Coworker], give me your keys.”

Coworker: “Why? I didn’t do anything wrong!”

This story is part of the grouch day roundup!

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(I work in a high-end doll store. We have two types of doll: dolls based off characters with books and stories, and more customizable, ‘look-alike’ dolls that girls can get to look like themselves. One of our character dolls is a very popular limited-edition doll, and has sold out a few weeks before Christmas.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s [limited edition doll]?”

Me: “She’s actually sold out; I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “Than I’ll order one! She’ll be here by Christmas, right?”

Me: “She’s actually sold out company-wide; we don’t have any left in any of our stores or online. Since she’s limited edition, we won’t be getting in any more.”

Customer: *tearing up* “But my granddaughter looks just like that doll!”

Me: “Well, we do have another doll; she’s a look-alike doll and looks almost identical to [doll].”

Customer: “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

Me: “This doll will look like your granddaughter, too! She has the exact same color and length hair, and the exact same color eyes, and the exact same skin tone as (doll).”

Customer: *crying* “But my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

Me: “The only difference is the face shape.”

(I show her the different face shapes, and how they compare.)

Customer: “I don’t see the difference.”

Me: “Exactly! And this doll comes wearing a different outfit than [doll].”

Customer: “I don’t care about the outfit… but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!”

(I finally convince her to go to the other department to at least LOOK at the other, nearly identical doll. The customer is sobbing ‘but my granddaughter looks JUST like [doll]!’ the whole way.)

Coworker: “Did you just make a grown woman cry over a doll?”

Me: “Yep, first world problems.”