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The T-Shirt That Never Comes

| Working | August 2, 2013

(I am purchasing a Metallica t-shirt. I am a 23-year-old female, but I look much younger.)

Cashier: “A Metallica shirt? Aren’t you looking for a Bieber shirt?”

Me: “Eew. No. I listen to Metallica.”

Cashier: “I doubt that.”

Me: “I don’t really care. Just let me buy my shirt.”

Cashier: “You’re too young to be listening to Metallica, little girl.”

Me: “First off, why do you care what I listen to? Second, I’m a 23-year-old woman. Just let me buy my shirt.”

Cashier: “I bet you can’t name five songs.”

Me: “If I do, will you let me buy my shirt?”

Cashier: “I bet you can’t.”

Me: “‘Battery,’ ‘Ain’t My B****,’ ‘Seek and Destroy,’ ‘One,’ and ‘Through the Never.’ And guess what? Those are all on different albums. ‘Battery’ is from Master of Puppets, ‘Ain’t My B***’ is from Load, ‘Seek and Destroy’ is from Kill ‘Em All, ‘One’ is from And Justice for All, and ‘Through the Never’ is from The Black Album. Give me my shirt, and let me talk to your manager.”

(I buy my shirt, and the manager gives me 25% off for my trouble with his idiot cashier.)

All’s Well That Messengers Well

| Right | August 2, 2013

(I work at a healthcare store. Whenever we have promos such as gift cards when purchasing more than a certain dollar amount, we call our regular customers a week in advance to let them know. After each call, either actually talking to the customer or leaving a message, we put a check next to their name on our list. One cranky regular misses the promo weekend and comes in three weeks later.)

Customer: “Hello, [My Name]. I’m just parked outside. Can you get me my products?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

Customer: “Don’t you have any promos? You haven’t had one since December.”

Me: “No, I know it’s been a while.”

(I make sure not to mention the promo three weeks prior, as I know she missed it, and I am sure she will throw a fit. I go to the back to get her products. As I am coming back, I see the customer yelling at my coworker. She then turns to me.)

Customer: “This is so disappointing! I told you guys to call me every time you have a promo. [Coworker] said that you had one three weeks ago!”

Me: “Oh, we did call you. I’m sure we did. You’re the first one we call.”

Customer: “No, I did not get any call. No message. This is the second time!”

Me: “I remember the first time you said your daughter forgot to tell you.”

Customer: “Well, this time I really didn’t get any call! No message, nothing!”

(The customer goes on and on as I am ringing her in, and I am just nodding. She’s always in a hurry, so I need to ring her in as I am listening. I can see the other customers looking at her.)

Me: “I really apologize, but as you see here on our call list, I called all these customers including you. Your name even has an asterisk ’cause you’re the first one we call.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get anything! There could be something wrong with my answering machine, but I doubt it! You guys owe me!”

(The customer storms out of the store. The next day she calls.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh [My Name], this is [Customer]. I just called to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I asked my daughter if she knew of any promos you guys had, and she just gasped because she forgot to tell me that you guys called.”

Me: “That’s okay Mrs. [Customer]. It’s not a problem.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Bye!”

First Aisle Problems

| Right | August 2, 2013

(I’m a customer in line waiting to pay, when suddenly the registers freeze and have to reboot. There are two impatient customers in line behind me.)

Employee: “Sorry, but the registers just froze. Please be patient while we reboot them.”

Impatient Customer #1: “What did she say?”

Impatient Customer #2: “The registers froze.”

Impatient Customer #1: “Ugh, it’s like living in a third world country!”

Time Waits For No Superman

| Working | July 31, 2013

(It’s a slow morning. A coworker and I are prepping watches for display.)

Me: “Ooh! Superman watches! Please tell me we have Batman.”

Coworker: “Why? Superman is so much better than Batman.”

Me: “Lies! Lies I tell you!”

Coworker: “Superman is SUPER-man. Super-strength beats some rich boy with toys.”

Me: “That rich boy with toys is a normal human, and hold his own—if not surpasses—metahumans on a regular basis!”

(The debate continues until my supervisor wanders by.)

Supervisor: “Personally, I think Spiderman is awesome.”

Coworker: “…no.”

Me: “Do not bring your Marvel into our DC; walk away now.”

Supervisor: “My bad…” *walks away*


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Shuriken Sale On Aisle Three

| Related | July 30, 2013

(My seven-year-old daughter, five-year-old son and I are going into a store. A man on a sporty black motorcycle pulls up. He is completely dressed in black. We are probably ten feet away from him. My son starts speaking very loudly.)

Son: “I think that guy is a ninja.”

Daughter: “You can’t see ninjas.”

Son: “Ninjas need stuff too.”

(The man just laughs.)