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Blue Haired Drug Pushers

, , , , , , | Right | October 5, 2008

(One evening, an elderly Irish woman, complete with white hair, a cane, and a heavy accent, comes up to the photo counter to pick up some pictures she dropped off earlier.)

Customer: “I would like to have a discount on these photos I just printed. Can you give me five of the 20 for free?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t do that.”

Customer: “I’ll give you some perks.”

Me: “Perks?”

Customer: “Percs. You know… percs.”

(Customer reaches out to shake my hand and places three pills in it.)

Customer: “Those are good percs, I know you’ll like them!”

There’s Always Time To B**** And Moan

, , , | Right | October 1, 2008

Customer: “This phone doesn’t hang on the wall right. The handle keeps falling off.”

(Knowing exactly what’s wrong, I fix the phone on the spot. It’s a simple fix.)

Customer: “How did you do that?”

Me: “I turned this little tab around so the handle catches on it.”

Customer: “How did you know that?”

Me: “Didn’t the instructions tell you how?”

Customer: *snorts* “I don’t have time to read the instructions!”

Airheaded, Part 3

, , , , | Right | September 28, 2008

Manager: “May I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to return these wind chimes. They don’t work.”

Manager: “Okay, are they broken?”

Customer: “No, they just don’t work.”

Manager: “Well, where did you hang them?”

Customer: “On my back porch.”

Manager: “They should work just fine there.”

Customer: “They don’t… My husband and I sit on the porch and no there is no sound from the chimes!”

Manager: “Is your porch screened in? That could reduce the wind.”

Customer: “No, it’s glassed in.”

Manager: *pause* “I believe I know what the problem is.”

Customer: “Can you fix it?”

Manager: “No, but I can sell you a fan!”

Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches

, , , | Right | September 28, 2008

(After helping a middle-aged man find many CDs…)

Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

Me: “Ryland.”

Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider

, , , | Right | September 24, 2008

Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

Customer’s Wife: *to me* “I’m sorry…”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”