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Nautical Always Right

, , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Where are you located?”

Me: “We’re on [Road], in the [Shopping Center].”

Caller: “Oh… I’m in Alpharetta. How far away is that?”

Me: “Uh… a long way. There are probably several of our other stores closer to you.”

Caller: “No, it has to be your store. How far away?”

Me: “Probably about a 45-minute drive. Maybe longer if there’s traffic.”

Caller: “How do I get there?”

Me: “Well, you’d have to take 400 down to 285, and–”

Caller: “Wait, wait, that’s not gonna be useful to me. Where’s the nearest river crossing?”

Me: “…river crossing?”

Caller: “Yeah. I’m taking a boat.”

Me: “…you’re taking a boat from Alpharetta?”

Caller: “Yes. You’re intentionally being difficult.”

Me: “The nearest river crossing is about ten miles from here.”

Caller: “Oh… can you come pick me up from there?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Fine. I’ll go to another store!”

And The Cycle Starts Anew

, , , | Right | March 31, 2009

(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [Other Location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to [Hospital] last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [Other Location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”

I LAve L.A.

, , , , , | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh, my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s Friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

Perspiring & Persistent

, , , | Right | March 30, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [My Name] speaking, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a present for my girlfriend. She plays soccer a lot, and I was wondering if you carry Febreeze for her soccer shoes.”

Me: “Uh, yes sure we do.” *start to list varieties*

Customer: “That’s good. I really hope she likes it. Would you like it?”

Me: “Well, it depends on your girlfriend, sir. I may not enjoy the gift, but if you said that she needs it for her soccer shoes then she probably will.”

Customer: “She says she sweats a lot.”

Me: “Oh, well, soccer is a very physical game.”

Customer: “Do YOU sweat a lot?”

Me: “…um, no, not particularly.”

Customer: “So you would not like this gift.”

Me: “No sir, but I’m not your girlfriend.”

Customer: “Would you like to be?”

Meet Satan Claus, Santa’s Maladjusted Brother

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(A customer walks in about thirty minutes before we close on Christmas Eve. We are closing early due to the holiday. Every customer that night is buying last-minute gifts.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you find?”

Customer: “A converter box.”

Me: “Sure, let me show you what we have.”

Customer: “What’s this $40 off crap?”

Me: “If you go to [website], you can get a coupon for $40 off.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s some mail-in rebate scam. Never mind…”

Me: “Okay, shall I ring this up for you?”

Customer: “You seem to be in a bit of a hurry. What’s the rush?”

Me: “It’s Christmas Eve, and we close in fifteen minutes. I want to get the store ready to close so I can leave as soon as possible.”

Customer: “You’re closing early for what?”

Me: “Christmas Eve.”

Customer: “Wow, they give you guys time off for anything these days!”

Me: *facepalm*

Manager: *facepalm*

Another Customer: *bursts out laughing*

Customer: “What!? Ugh, fine! I’ll take the box!”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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