(I am finishing ringing up a sale for a customer. The final step on the signature pad is to confirm the transaction total.)
Me: “Okay, sir, just say ‘yes’ to confirm the total on the signature pad and I’ll get you your receipt.”
(The screen on the pad has two buttons: one reading ‘yes’ and one reading ‘no.’ The customer leans down with his mouth close to the pad and shouts…)
Customer: “YES!”
(Coworker #1 has a very attractive girlfriend, prompting Coworker #2 to ask him how he got with her at least 10 times a week. Eventually, Coworker #1 decides he has had it.)
Coworker #2: “I can’t believe you scored such a hot chick. How did you get her to be your girlfriend?”
Coworker #1: *deadpan* “I kidnapped her and forced her to live in my basement. Stockholm syndrome did the rest.”
Coworker #2: “You’re kidding. You’re kidding, right?”
Coworker #1: “Of course I am. SHE kidnapped ME. I mean, obviously!”
(The subject was never brought up again.)
(The store I work in has had a serious power outage, so a coworker and I are standing in the main aisles directing guests. As we’re standing there, an elderly customer on a personal scooter almost runs me over.)
Me: “Can I help you find something?”
Customer: “Why’s the power out?”
Me: “We’re not entirely sure yet, but our managers are contacting the power company. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Customer: “Hop on my lap and take me to the men’s department.”
(My eyes go wide and I can barely respond. After I politely decline and provide directions, my coworker just looks at me.)
Coworker: “Did that just happen?”
Me: “Yes… yes it did. And unfortunately, this isn’t the first time.”
(I am working customer service at a big box store. A customer comes up with a box of bullets. Store policy and law states that ammunition cannot be returned for any reason. This is clearly printed on the bottom of the receipt, surrounded by a double box of asterisks.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I need to bring back these bullets; they’re the wrong caliber.”
(The customer hands me the receipt.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but all ammunition is non-refundable. It says right here—”
Customer: “No, I don’t want my money back; I just want to get the right ones.”
Me: “I understand, but we can’t take ammo back under any circumstances. It’s store policy and the law.”
Customer: “No, no, no! The guy who sold them to me said if they were the wrong size I could come back and exchange it!”
Me: “No, he didn’t. There are three signs in sporting goods that clearly say you cannot return ammo. On the ammo case, behind the counter, and taped to the counter itself. It’s also clearly marked here on the bottom of your receipt. There is no way any associate in this store would tell you such a thing because it is against the law.”
(The customer leans over on the counter, in my face.)
Customer: “Are you calling me a LIAR?!”
Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”
(Clearly not expecting that answer, the customer stumbles his words a bit.)
Customer: “So… so what? I’m out by $30 and stuck with bullets I can’t use?”
Me: “Yes, sir, you are.”
Customer: “F***!”
(He snatches the receipt from my hand, and his bag of ammo, and storms off.)
(I have a cuddly toy with me that I have had for years, and it’s sort of a comfort blanket. He comes everywhere with me and looks very scruffy as he is well loved. Since on this occasion I am travelling, I am holding him instead of having him in my suitcase. I have some time before my connection, so I wander through some local shops. Everything is fine until I try to leave a toy store I’ve been looking in. I am very shy and get easily frightened by people who raise their voice at me. I am also a teenager and seemingly too old for toys. There are two employees in the store, but only one is present at the moment.)
Employee #1: “Hey, you!”
Me: “Hmm?”
Employee #1: “Are you going to pay for that?”
Me: “Pay for what, sorry?”
Employee #1: “That toy! That toy you’re holding.”
Me: “Um, I didn’t pick him up in here; I walked in with him. In fact, I’ve had him for years. And besides, he’s all scruffy; I don’t think you’re allowed to sell things as scruffy as him.”
Employee #1: “Him? Who’s him? I was talking about that toy!”
Me: “Er, so am I. His name’s [Toy’s Name] and I’ve had him for years; you’ve made a mistake.”
Employee #1: “Look, I don’t have time for this; just put it back and I won’t call the police.”
Me: “But he’s mine!”
Employee #1: “You’re too old for toys; give it back.”
Me: “No I won’t; he’s mine.”
(The employee marches over to me, terrifying me and making me clutch my toy even tighter.)
Employee #1: “Just give it back already!”
Me: *in tears* “No! He’s mine! I’ve had him for years; you can’t take him off me!”
Employee #1: “IT’S NOT YOURS UNTIL YOU PAY FOR IT!”
(The employee then makes a grab for my toy and I pull away. I am now very scared and in floods of tears. Another employee comes to see what is going on.)
Me: “No! No! He’s mine! You can’t take him!”
Employee #2: “[Employee #1]! What’s going on?”
Employee #1: “I caught this girl stealing this toy! Now she won’t give it back and keeps saying that it’s hers now for some reason.”
Me: “But he IS mine!”
Employee #1: “ENOUGH WITH THE ‘HE’ CRAP! IT’S A TOY AND IT IS NOT YOURS!”
(I am sitting on the floor, crying, still clutching my toy.)
Employee #1: “CROCODILE TEARS WON’T HELP! JUST HAND THE TOY OVER!”
Employee #2: “[Employee #1]! That’s enough! If you’re so sure she stole this toy, then go and find where she got it from; I’m quite sure I’ve never seen one like that in the store!”
(Employee #1 sulks off. Employee #2 sits on the floor beside me.)
Employee #2: “So, want to tell me your side of the story, love?”
Me: “I was just looking round and when I went to leave, he said I had to pay for [Toy’s Name], but I didn’t get him here. I’ve had him for years; I never go anywhere without him! I can’t sleep without him! You can’t take him off me!”
Employee #2: “I see. Can I have a look at [Toy’s Name], please?”
(I nod and show him my toy, still keeping a firm grip in case he tries to take him off me too.)
Employee #2: “My, he’s a precious little thing, isn’t he? I think he might need a bath though, and not with those tears, either! Maybe a few repair stitches too! Come on, smile; I believe you. I know we don’t sell anything like him, and we certainly wouldn’t be allowed to sell something that well loved! Now go on; get out of the shop before [Employee #1] gets back!”
Me: *wipes away tears* “Really?”
Employee #2: “Yes, it’s obvious how much you love him anyway. Go on; run before [Employee #1] catches us!”
(I smile and run out of the store clutching my toy. I look back to see Employee #1 marching towards Employee #2, but I don’t hear any more. I just ran to the station and remained there until my connection arrived! But thank you, Employee #2 for being so understanding!)
