(I work for a national electronics retail chain as a manager. I have one other employee working for me this night.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a new battery for my car’s remote.”

Me: “Okay. Let’s take a look.”

(The customer hands me the remote, I take it from her and quickly open it using a tool I keep on the counter. I find that the remote actually takes two button batteries, which is nothing unusual. I take them out and put them on the counter. I turn around and see I only have two left. I pull them off the rack, open one and put it in the remote. I go to open the second one and the customer stops me and snatches the still sealed battery out of my hand.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s one of the batteries you need for your remote.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I show her the numbers on the old batteries and new ones match.)

Customer: “There’s two of them?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Where’s the other one?”

Me: *I point to the battery in the remote* “I already installed it.”

Customer: “I didn’t see you do that. Where did it come from?”

Me: *I pick up the now empty battery package* “I just installed it.”

Customer: “I want to see you install it.”

Me: “You want me to take it out and put it back in?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I take the new battery back out and put it back in.)

Customer: “NO! I want to see you open it!”

Me: “You want me to seal the package then open it again?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Ma’am, the packages come glued closed from the factory. I can’t re-seal it.”

Customer: “Then get another one!”

(At this point, I can tell the customer is going to be unreasonable but I do my best to keep my composure while my employee silently stands next to me observing.)

Me: “Ma’am, I only have two left. One is already in your remote and the other one is in your hand.”

Customer: “Listen to me you little p****! You don’t be condescending to me! Do what I tell you or I’m gonna complain to your f****** boss!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager and I am trying to help you. There’s no need for name calling.”

Customer: “DON’T YOU F****** TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU MORON! THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE THE BOSS HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR!”

(At this point, the customer is unreasonably irate. I decide that $5 worth of batteries is not worth raising my blood pressure. I take out the new battery and re-install her old ones then close the remote.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU PUT THE NEW ONES IN?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I put your old ones back in.”

Customer: “WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

Me: “You are being overly difficult over something very basic. I have chosen to exercise my right not to serve you. Please leave my store.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO ME! I’M GONNA CALL YOUR CORPORATE OFFICE!”

Me: “I’ll be expecting to hear your complaint.”

(The customer storms towards the door.)

Employee: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

Customer: “SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(The employee looks at me and smiles, dumbfounded by this ridiculous encounter. I then call my district manager and tell him about the encounter. He assures me he will stand behind my decision not to serve her. Minutes later, I go to the grocery store to get something to snack on and find the same woman standing in an aisle yelling at three managers of the grocery store.)

(Being a big military town, it is fairly common to have women come into our bridal store to shop for military events like the yearly ball. A customer comes in with her husband.)

Customer: “I just had a baby and my body hasn’t quite bounced back yet.”

Husband: *rolls eyes* “Hun, you look great. Really. Please stop saying that.”

Customer: *ignoring husband* “But it is the annual ball, so I need to look nice. I was thinking of something in black, since black is slimming, but I’m not sure of my size at this point because of the baby.”

Me: “I would be happy to measure you but you look to be about a size 10. What did you have in mind for style?”

Customer: “Probably something very simple.”

(The customer walks through the non-bridal section with me to look over the styles and proceeds to pick every dress with NO shape she finds.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to try on something with a little more shape to it? You have a better figure than you let on.”

Husband: “Yes. PLEASE!”

Customer: “No. These are fine. I mean, I really need to work out and flatten this pooch down.” *grabs stomach*

(The customer has literally grimaced at everything she has tried on, not liking anything. Her husband has tried desperately to explain how beautiful she is, while fidgeting in an armchair next to the fitting area.)

Me: *sigh* “Okay. Let me see what else we have.”

Customer: “Thanks. I know there’s only so much you can do.”

Me: *coming up with a plan* “Oh! We just got this dress in a couple days ago and I haven’t gotten to see it on anyone. Would you mind so much just trying it on and humoring me?”

(The dress is a mermaid cut halter dress, VERY Marilyn Monroe but floor length. Perfect for a woman with real curves.)

Customer: “Ooh, um, sure.”

(The customer smiles awkwardly, clearly not wanting to be rude and say ‘no.’ As she goes into the fitting room I look at her husband, wink, and smile. The customer walks out of the fitting room looking drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous.)

Customer: “I don’t kn—”

Husband: *knocks over chair jumping up* “THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE!” *under his breath* “…and after the ball we can make a sibling for the baby.”

(It is my lunch break and I am doing some Christmas shopping at my store. I find a shirt for my mother that clearly has a orange sticker that says it’s $9. I go to the self check out and call my coworker over.)

Me: “This shirt come up as $12, and the tag says $9. Can you please change it?”

Coworker: “No. If it comes up as that price, then that’s how much it costs!”

Me: “But it says clearly right here—”

Coworker: “I don’t care what it is! Now, I have other stuff to do!”

(It is super slow. Right now it’s just an elderly man and me at the self check out.)

Me: “Just void out my whole order.”

Coworker: “No! You scanned it, you are going to pay for it! Don’t make me call the boss!”

(I walk away without paying and leave the stuff there for her to pick up. Later, I tell my other coworker, who is also a good friend, what happened.)

Friend: “She always thinks that she’s better than every girl who comes in! She won’t say anything to me, just watch.”

(We both go the self check out. The shirt I was going to buy my mom is still in a cart where we keep things guests don’t want. My friend grabs it and scans it, and calls my coworker over.)

Friend: “Hey! This is supposed to be $9. See the tag?”

Coworker: “Oh, of course! I will change it right away!”

(The coworker changes it for him. She turns around, sees me, and smirks. I walk over and pay for the shirt.)

Me: “Thanks, [Friend’s Name]!”

Coworker: “You are not allowed to do that!”

Me: “I just did.”

(It’s December 23rd. I have never worked a Christmas at my current job.)

Me: “Hello. Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Um, no. I can’t find your pajamas.”

(I’m really confused by this. We are a hardware store, and so do not and have never sold pajamas.)

Me: “Sorry. Did you say pajamas?”

Customer: “Obviously. What are you, deaf!? They are clothes that you you wear to bed. Do you understand now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pajamas.”

Customer: “Well the very nice young lady across the street said you would have the pj’s I’m looking for. I came in last week and I couldn’t find them. So I went to the [Big Clothing Store] across the street. She definitely said you were getting a shipment of purple and pink flowered pj’s today.”

Me: “Again, as I said, we don’t sell sleepwear. If you would like I can tell you another store which might have what you are looking for, or bring my manager to confirm we don’t have any pajamas.”

(The customer is very visibly upset by this, and starts yelling and cursing at me.)

Customer: “What kind of store doesn’t sell pj’s at the holidays! I am holding you personally responsible, you b****! Why dont you get your manager and tell him that!?”

(As the customer says this she knocks over a whole shelf of Christmas ornaments and other decorations.)

Customer: “I hope you have an awful Christmas!”

(The customer starts hurling more insults and horrible names as she walks out. A coworker has observed all of the proceedings.)

Coworker: “–and a happy new year!”

Customer: “F*** you too!”

(It is a very busy Sunday afternoon in the store. One of our staff is late due to bad weather and a dead car battery, so we are all rushed off our feet. I take a call.)

Me: “[Store Name]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. Hi. Do you have any sales going on with your Christmas dresses?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, ma’am. There are no dresses on sale at the moment.”

Caller: “How much are the dresses you have?”

Me: “They range from $30 to $50, depending on the dress. But, we might be having a 40 percent off sale later this week. If you’d like to, call back then and check the dresses at that point.”

Caller: “So, what sale do you have for your dresses right now? I want one just above the knee.”

Me: “Well, most of our dresses fall just above the knee, ma’am. Like I said, we have no dresses on sale today, but we might have them on sale later this week.”

Caller: “I’m going to a holiday party, you see, and I need a dress that falls above the knee.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. If you check back in a few days you might be able to get a dress for 40 percent off.”

Caller: *finally clues in* “40 percent off you say? So what price would the dresses be then?”

Me: “It would depend on the dress, ma’am. As I said, they range from $30 to $50.”

Caller: “Oh, so how much would the $50 dollar dress be? I’m going to a holiday party and need a dress above the knee. You don’t have any dresses on sale today? Do you?”

Me: *facepalm*