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When Employees Lose It

, , , | Right | May 15, 2008

(I failed to complete a job in an hour for a customer. She became upset, so I offered her a refund.)

Me: “I am sorry about this… we became extremely busy as you can see by the five people behind you now.”

Rude Woman “Well, how come you didn’t tell me you would be this busy?”

Me: “I seem to have forgotten my crystal ball at home and I am not quite able to tell the future without it.”

Rude Lady “WELL I NEVER. I want your name!”

Rude Me: “Okay, ma’am, but you’ll look pretty funny being called Bryan.”

Rude Lady “I want your manager’s name!”

Ruder Me: “Seriously? Sure thing, maybe Rick will suit you better anyway.”

(She took her jewelry and stormed off. I called my boss a few hours later; she had contacted him and I was warned. Well worth it though!)

Spontaneous Customer Combustion

, , | Right | May 15, 2008

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store], how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you take credit cards? My husband has a huge party coming up. I need a basket immediately, the biggest you have.”

(I ring her up and then ask for her credit card number. I also ask for the CVV code on the back of her card. Big. Effing. Mistake.)

Caller: “Excuse me, you want my what now?”

Me: “Your CVV code, ma’am. The three-or-four-digit code on the back of–”

Caller: “I KNOW what a CVV code is, d**nit! I’m not giving it to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s company policy. I can assure you–”

Caller: “I am NOT giving you my code! Get me your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, I swear, it’s policy–”

Caller: *Shrieking now* “You rotten children are just trying to ROB ME! GET ME YOUR MANAGER! NOW!”

(I get my manager.)

Manager: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “You’re a bunch of thieves! No one asks for a CVV code nowadays! My husband has had dealings with the LIKES OF YOU!”

(At this point, she’s yelling so loudly that she’s audible to other employees in the room.)

Manager: “Miss, I–”

Caller: *does something inaudible*

Fellow Employee: “What just happened?”

Manager: *staring at the phone* “I think she just broke her phone.”


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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Postal Paranoia

, , , , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

Me: “All right, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

Woman: “No!”

Me: “I, uh–”

Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

(The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)


This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

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Night Vision Might Be Good, Too

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

(I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

Guy: *to girl* “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

Guy: *to me* “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her–” *points to girlfriend* “–which would you choose?”

Me: “Well… this one has a built-in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

(The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with his girlfriend.)

Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “More than you would think.”

At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”


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