(I’m working near the fitting rooms in a department store one afternoon when an older lady approaches me.)

Older Lady: “Hello, dear!”

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Older Lady: “I was just wondering, dear: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I do.”

Older Lady: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush.”

Me: “Aww, thank you!”

(With a smile on her face, the older lady leaves. I wish her a nice day as she goes. Just a few seconds later, a completely different older lady appears out from between the clothes racks. She looks rather excited.)

Older Lady #2: “Oh, hello there, sweetie! I was just wondering: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Um… Yes? Yes, I do.”

Older Lady #2: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush!”

Me: “…”

(My kids and I may be a bit unusual in that so-called alternative lifestyles have never phased us. People are just people. We are shopping in our local store when some college boys enter. They are obviously taking part in some fraternity prank. All are in extremely dressy gowns complete with makeup, jewelry, stockings, and purses. After failing to get a reaction from my kids and me, they start following us through the store getting more and more outrageous. One practically threw his purse in front of my cart. I stop and wait for him to retrieve it, giving him a little smile.)

College Boy: “Well, s***! What do I have to do? Flash you?”

(I have just finished processing a customer’s transaction. Her total comes up to $22 and some change. She gives me a $50 bill. I have already typed in $50 as a cash payment. Once my till opens, she stops me.)

Customer: “Okay, wait. Can I give you $2? I just don’t want to get a bunch of change back. This way, I’ll get $30 back.”

Me: “Okay. Sure.”

(I add in the $2, give her $30 back and then 21 cents, which is what the register tells me I should give her.)

Customer: “Wow! That was really fast! You must be really smart! You calculated that all by yourself!”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t too difficult! I just added the $2, so I ended up giving you $30 back, and then I gave you back 21 cents, which was what the computer screen told me to give you back in the first place.”

Customer: “Wow! Okay!”

(She walks away, takes her purchase with her and leaves the store, amazed at my ‘fast’ calculation.)

(At the department store where I work we have call boxes where customers can request assistance. When the button is pressed, the name of the department where the customer needs help is paged over the PA system.)

Customer: *to coworker* “Excuse me. My wife was just paged to swimwear. What does that mean? Where is that?”

Coworker: *confused* “Um, we don’t have any swimwear right now. The section where it would be has coats right now.”

Customer: “But she was paged to swimwear!”

(My coworker looks at me for help. I’m several feet away and haven’t really been paying attention to the conversation, so I think he is just trying to find swimwear.)

Me: “All our swimwear is on clearance now since we have all our coats in, but we will probably get some in a few weeks.”

Customer: “But they paged my wife to swimwear!”

Me: “Yeah that’s where the coats are—”

Coworker: “What’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats?”

Coworker: “No, what’s your wife’s name?”

Customer: “Coats!”

(Suddenly something dawns on me.)

Me: “Wait, did the page say, ‘Misses’ Coats and Swimwear?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Mrs. Coates in swimwear!”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the call box. Someone needed help in that section so it announced it over the PA.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks away looking confused*

(I’m picking up a video game my brother ordered online. When I approach the customer service desk, there are three employees working the front and two customers in front of me. After waiting a few minutes I go up to pick up my order.)

Me: “Hello. I’m here to pick up—”

Employee #1: “One moment, sir.”

(I assume he’s going back to restock, instead he turns around and spends 10 minutes gossiping in front of me with a coworker about some very promiscuous girl they know.)

Employee #1: “All right, sir. How can I help you?”

Me: “I have an online order to pick up. It’s—”

Employee #1: “Can I have your name?”

Me: “Well, I’m [Name], but the order—”

Employee #1: *throwing up his hand to stop me* “I don’t see that name on any of the online orders. Are you sure you ordered at this branch?”

Me: “Yes. If you will please—”

Employee #2: “Well, your name isn’t on the list, so you might want to check again.”

Me: “Listen! This order is for my brother, [Brother]. If you will look up the order you’ll see my name as the alternate for pick up.”

Employee #1: *glaring at me now* “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it.”

(Instead of going to the back where all the pre-ordered items are supposed to be held, he instead heads to the other side of the store. I spend another five minutes waiting before he finally shows up with the game and, oddly enough, a 350+ piece Lego set.)

Employee #1: “Here’s your order.”

(I’m a bit confused since my brother only mentioned the game.)

Me: “Are you sure? Can I get a receipt with this?”

Employee #1: “We don’t give receipts for online orders. Now, if you’ll please move, sir, you’re wasting everyone’s time.”

(I simply walked out rather than try to correct him. I found out later they never charged my brother for the Lego set.)