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Postal Paranoia

, , , , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

Me: “All right, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

Woman: “No!”

Me: “I, uh–”

Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

(The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)


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Night Vision Might Be Good, Too

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

(I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

Guy: *to girl* “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

Guy: *to me* “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her–” *points to girlfriend* “–which would you choose?”

Me: “Well… this one has a built-in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

(The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with his girlfriend.)

Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “More than you would think.”

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At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”


This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

 

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A Mother’s Love

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2008

(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”


This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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