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I Personally Prefer Poultry With My PCs

, , , , , | Right | June 7, 2008

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

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They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

Me: “This might be difficult.”

Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

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Sorry I Asked

, , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen-year-old girls!”

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The Customer Is Not Always Happy

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s***.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

Customer: *stalks off*

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A Big Mayo No No, Part 7

, , | Right | May 31, 2008

Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

Me: “…no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 6
A Big Mayo No No, Part 5
A Big Mayo No No, Part 4
A Big Mayo No No, Part 3
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

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