(I work at a member-card type box store. Each day a half-dozen staff spend most of their time just walking around and putting away the products customers decided they didn’t want and left randomly in corners, like bloody meat on a stack of white shirts.)

Customer: “I’m trying to decide which of these adorable dresses to buy for my granddaughter. What do you think?”

Me: *gives honest opinion*

Customer: “I agree! Do you mind if I leave my cart here for a minute while I go return this other dress to the rack where I found it?”

Me: “Uh… you mean you’re going to put something back? Would it be inappropriate of me to say that I love you?”

(I’m on the register and call the next customer in line up to my till.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: “I just need to return these sweatpants.”

Me: “Oh, sure. Was there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “They’re ugly.”

Me: *proceeding with the transaction* “I’m sorry you feel that way. May I see your receipt?”

(The customer tosses the receipt at me, along with her ID. I continue processing the transaction without incident until…)

Me: “Okay, you’re going to get back $49.97 for these sweatpants. Looking at your receipt, I see you paid with your [store credit card], so I’ll just go ahead and put the balance back on your card.”

Customer: “No, I paid with cash.”

Me: *looking at the receipt again* “No, ma’am. It very clearly says here at the bottom that you paid with your [store credit card].” *shows receipt to customer* “See?”

Customer: “Yes, but then I paid cash.”

Me: *a light bulb goes off in my head* “Oh! Did you put the purchase on your [store credit card] and then pay off the purchase with cash in the store?”

Customer: “Yes. I paid cash.”

Me: “Okay. Well, unfortunately, the original purchase was made on your card, so I can only refund this to you on your card or store credit.”

Customer: “No. I paid cash, and I want cash back.”

(The circular argument goes on for several minutes, with the customer becoming more and more irate. Finally, I call a manager over to explain.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what my associate is telling you is correct. You made this purchase on a credit card, and so we can only refund it to you on that card. Our computers won’t let us do it any other way.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws credit card at me* “I hope you’re both happy to have stolen money from me!”

(I just got all the way through check in on my way to wait for the plane when I realize that I don’t have my phone charger. I was using the cable in the car on my way to the airport because I use my phone as my GPS.)

Employee: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Me: “Yes. I’m frustrated with myself because I left my charger in my car. Now that I’m through security, I can’t go out and get it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you checked to make sure this is the charger you need?”

(Since I work with technology a lot, I’m very certain it’s the correct cord.)

Me: “Yes. I’m sure it is.”

Employee: “May I see your phone to quickly double check?”

(I hand her my phone and she opens to package, verifying the cord plugs in.)

Employee: “All right, this is definitely the correct cord. Unfortunately, since this package has been opened, I’ll have to give it to you at 50% off. Your total is [Half of the ridiculous airport price, making it actually reasonably priced].” *winks at me*

(I’m pretty stunned by this unexpected turn of events. I paid and thanked her profusely. It completely made my day. Nice airport shop employee, thank you again.)

(It’s the last hour in my shift, and a customer comes into my lane.)

Me: “Hi there! Have a good day!”

(There’s a short pause as we realize what I said.)

Me: “I’m so sorry! I meant to say: ‘Hello. Find everything you needed?'”

Customer: *smiling* “Yes, miss. Thank you.”

(The transaction goes by without a hitch as we engage in small talk, until I finish ringing them up and they pay.)

Me: “All right, did you find everything you— I mean, hello— I mean, no, GOODBYE. HAVE A NICE DAY! I’m so sorry, sir, it’s been a long day and when you say the same phrases over and over…”

Customer: *laughs* “Don’t worry, honey. I’ve worked retail. The phrases can sometimes get mixed up. I know how it is!”

(I have a 14-hour shift because a friend of mine is out sick as she is having surgery. It’s about eight hours into the day, and a customer comes in, with something in a paper bag and a giant scowl on her face.)

Me: “Hello, Ma’am. How may I help you today?”

Guest: “Yes. I’d like to return this, please? Here’s my receipt, and I want the full amount back.”

Me: “Yes, Ma’am. I’ll do what I can.”

(I go to scan the receipt, and it’s declined, because she’s had the items for more than 90 days. We aren’t allowed to return things over that limit without a supervisor’s approval.)

Me: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but my system is showing me that I can’t return these, due to the fact you purchased them more than 90 days ago.”

Guest: “That’s f****** stupid! I demand to speak with your supervisor! I work in retail, and we return everything the guest gives us!”

(I look over, and see my supervisor is busy dealing with another customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you’d just wait right over here for a moment, I’m sure he’ll be with you very shortly.”

Guest: “No! I’ll not be treated this way!”

(She takes out her purse, and slams her bag down on the guest services counter, throwing her store card and three gift cards at my face. I catch one, and dodge the others.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please. We do not allow that kind of behavior here. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience.”

Guest: “You know what? You’re simply a stupid little s*** with no chance at ever being successful, or pretty!” *storms out*

Customer In Line Behind Her: “Well, I never! Miss, you are beautiful, very kind, and I’m in awe of your ninja skills!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate it!”