(The marathon was earlier this morning. I am in line behind a customer who ran in it. The cashier is sitting down, while serving patrons.)
Customer: “I don’t have time for this. My legs are killing me. I ran the marathon this morning, and you can’t even bother standing at a cash register for one day!”
(The cashier wheels himself out from behind the register. It becomes clear he has no legs.)
Cashier: “P***y.”
(I am working as a cashier during Easter weekend at a popular retail shop. I have a long line but am getting people rung out quickly. A customer in her early 30s is next in line.)
Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”
(The customer puts her items on the belt, and doesn’t say a word to me.)
Me: *rings up her order* “Okay, that will be [total].”
Customer: *swipes her card very fast* “Why isn’t this working?!”
(She swipes the card back and forth quickly. All the while the machine beeps to inform us that it cannot read her card because she is swiping it too fast.)
Me: “Oh, you need to swipe it slower so the machine can read your card.”
Customer: “Oh.” *continues swiping too fast, back and forth* “Your machine is broken! It won’t accept my card!”
Me: “You just need to swipe it a little slower.”
Customer: “I AM SWIPING IT! YOUR STUPID MACHINE WON’T TAKE MY CARD!”
(She proceeds to keep swiping it back and forth just as fast as before and is getting a bit rough with the machine.)
Customer: “SEE!? IT WON’T WORK!”
Me: “Would you like me to try and swipe the card back here? Sometimes the front one doesn’t work but mine will.”
Customer: “All right… Wait, you’re the store who got hacked, right?”
(I get asked this a lot. During last year’s Christmas shopping season a bunch of credit and debit cards were hacked. People are still cautious about the security breach.)
Me: “Yes, but we have taken care of the issue and your card is safe to use now.”
Customer: “I don’t want my card hacked.”
Me: “As I said, your card is safe.”
Customer: “I don’t want my information stolen!”
Me: “Yes, I understand, but we took care of the issue. I’ve used my card here plenty of times since it was fixed and no one has stolen money from me.”
Customer: “Well, that is because you are an employee. They wouldn’t steal money from someone who works for them.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “[Store] wouldn’t steal money from the people who work for them.”
Me: “Oh, no. It wasn’t [Store] that hacked into people’s accounts. It was a hacker.”
Customer: “But I bet you got a huge paycheck during that time when you were stealing money.”
Me: “Yes, my paycheck was bigger but that was only because there were more hours to go around. [Store] didn’t steal any money.”
(My manager comes over to see why I was taking so long.)
Manager: “Is something wrong, [My Name]?”
Customer: “I’m just making sure your employee doesn’t steal my card information. She asked to swipe it in the card reader behind her because the front one isn’t working. I don’t want my information stolen!”
(I explain to my manager why I asked to swipe her card with my card reader and why she thinks I am trying to steal her information.)
Manager: “As my employee said, [Store] didn’t steal anyone’s money. It was a hacker. I myself was a victim of the breach.”
Customer: “But you work here! They couldn’t steal money from you! You’re just lying so you can get away with stealing more people’s money!”
Manager: “I assure you, we are not trying to steal your money.”
Customer: “But your employee is trying to take my card!”
Manager: “Why don’t you try swiping your card again in the front card reader?”
Customer: *swipes her card fast again, then a few more times violently* “See?! It won’t work! Your employee must have broken the machine so she could copy my card information into the database!”
Manager: “Try swiping it a bit slower.”
(My manager motions over the card reader at the right pace. The customer slides her card again and it goes through.)
Customer: “It worked! Thank goodness you were here to prevent your employee from stealing my information!” *looks at me* “All you kids are thieves. I hope you get fired for this!”
Me: “Er… have a nice day.”
(I hand her her bags and she leaves.)
Manager: “Don’t worry. You aren’t going to be fired for her ignorance.”
(I’m ringing up a customer and giving her her bags. I forget to give her the light jacket she bought and don’t notice until she drives off. Hoping she’ll come back, I put it next to myself for safe-keeping and keep checking customers. Twenty minutes later, she returns.)
Customer: “Where’s my jacket?!”
Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *I give her back the jacket* “I’m sorry about the inconvenience, I—”
Customer: “You should be ASHAMED of yourself! This is very poor service!”
Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am—”
Customer: “I had to get out of my car, bring in my things, see my jacket missing, get my walker, get BACK in my car, and drive all the way back here, and it was very difficult! What’s your name? I’m calling corporate about you, and they’re gonna write you up!”
Me: “I’m sorry about—”
Customer: *wry laughter* “Oh, and of course, you never ONCE said sorry!”
Me: “But I, just— I’m very sorry, ma’am.”
Customer: “Oh, yeah, you apologize NOW, after I TELL you to!”
(I return to my line, shaken and a little upset, and continue ringing up the customer I was helping earlier, who witnessed the whole thing.)
Next Customer: “But you said you were sorry FOUR times. I counted!”
(We’ve had a really long week of trying to get parts out on time and most of the problems are with the machine I run. While waiting for the machine to reboot for the fifth time that day my boss strikes up a conversation.)
Boss: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Me: *thinking he’s just joking as we’re currently working an ideal job for a career and trying to joke in response* “I still don’t know.”
Boss: “What about a unicorn? I want to be a Volkswagon.”
(Two different customers approach me at the same time to ask for help.)
Customers #1 & #2: “Excuse me!”
Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”
(I soon realize that the customers have no relation to each other, as they ask me for help in two completely different departments.)
Me: “Hmm, how should I do this? Who do I help first?”
(Judging by their body language, neither customer wants to back down. So I reach into my pocket and pull out a coin.)
Me: “All right, we’ll do it this way. Heads or tails?”
Customer #1: “Heads!”
Customer #2: “Guess that makes me tails, then.”
(I flip the coin, and it lands tails.)
Customer #2: “Yes!”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go. And sir, I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done with her.”
Customer #1: “Fair enough.”
(I wish more customers were that easy to deal with!)
