(I’d previously pre-ordered ‘Thief 4’ from Amazon, but switched to a competitor when I found out that they were offering a 10% discount on PS4 preorders. However, when I checked my pre-order a few days later, I found that their page (and my order) were listing the release date as a whole month later than everyone else. After confirming that the release date hadn’t changed, and was the same on every other website, I call them.)

Me: “The general release date is at the end of February, which several sources, including other retailers and the publisher’s website, confirm. However, the page and the order details say that my copy won’t be dispatched until the end of March. Is this an error of some sort?”

Employee: “Thank you for getting in touch with us about your pre-order. We send all pre-ordered items out as soon as we receive them into our warehouse from the manufacturers. We always endeavour to have pre-orders delivered to our customers on, if not before, the release date. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

Me: “Thank you. However, that didn’t answer my question. Every other website, and the game’s publisher as well as PSN and Steam, state that the game will be released on the 28th February, but my order and the page give the release date as over a month later on the 31st March. Is that actually when my order will be shipped and, if so, why will it take a month longer than its official release date?”

Employee: “We update the webpage with the date we are given by the manufacturer. I will follow this up with our trading team and as soon as I have received a reply I will be in touch. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

(Sure enough, a few hours later…)

Employee: “It’s been confirmed that the release we have currently on site is correct from the manufacturer. If there is anything else that we can do, then please do not hesitate to get in touch and a member of our team will be happy to help.”

(After checking once again that the game was still out on the 28th February  – including searching for news on a change of release date – I gave up and cancelled my preorder.)

(A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

Me: “Is this a return?”

Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

(I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Free food!”

(I work at one location of the world’s largest retail chain. My department carries luggage, furniture, lamps, and photo frames. Although known for a lower-class clientele, my particular store was in an affluent suburb. A woman comes in and approaches for help with duffel bags.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you with that. They are right over here with our luggage. Are you looking for any specific features?”

Customer: “It’s going to be an airline carry on, so it can’t be too big, and I’ll need to carry it around a lot, so it has to ride well on my shoulder.”

(I point out the bags that fit the carry on restrictions. There are six. She proceeds to take the paper and inflatable stuffing out of all six and walk up and down the aisle with each. Then she picks one.)

Customer: “I’m going to take this one. Thank you.”

(She looks down at the pile of trash she left littered up and down the aisle.)

Customer: “Looks like you won’t be bored for a while.” *she leaves*

(I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

(I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

(I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

Me: “What can I help you find…?”

(On of my coworkers is extremely gullible, so I decide to test her on a slow day. My boyfriend has just left the store after visiting me on his lunch break, and my gullible coworker approaches me.)

Coworker: “Aww, was that your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yeah, that was him.”

Coworker: “He’s the same height as you!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of amazing really.”

Coworker: “Why’s that?”

Me: “He’s the world’s tallest little person.”

Coworker: “He’s what?”

Me: “You know little people?”

Coworker: “You mean midgets?”

Me: “They prefer the term little people, but yes, that’s what I mean. Genetically, he’s a little person; he’s just a really tall one.”

Coworker: “Oh, wow! That’s amazing! I didn’t know little people could grow beards like that!”

(I had to walk away at that point, because I couldn’t hold in my laughter any more.)