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So Much For A Discount

, , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Me: “Hi, is there anything I can help you find today?”

Male Customer: “Well, yeah, I’m trying to get something for my wife. It’s her birthday.”

(He finally decides on a sweater.)

Me: “Okay, now what size would you say your wife is?”

Male Customer: “Um, well, she’s kind of small… maybe about your size. What size are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m a small, so if she’s a similar height and build–”

Male Customer: “She’s about the same size, I guess… except thinner and with bigger boobs.”

Me: “…”

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How Nicknames Are Born, Part 2

, , , | Right | November 3, 2008

Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the rope is? I’ve been looking all over for it, but can’t seem to find it.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, it’s just over this way.”

(I lead him to the hardware aisle, and halfway down there’s a big sign that says “Ropes” with a picture of a rope on it.)

Me: “Right down there. There’s actually a sign there that says ‘Ropes.'”

Customer: “You’re f***ing douche bag, you know that?!”

Me: *laughs, thinking he’s joking*

Customer: “That was intentional, and I WILL talk to your manager!”

Me: “I apologize–”

Customer: “Anytime you wanna come to my house, you just lemme know, Dingleballs!”

(And from that day forward, my nickname at work was “Dingleballs.”)

This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

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So That’s What Those Other Buttons Are For

, , , , , | Right | October 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help?”

Caller: “Is there a Kristie there?”

Me: “We have a Kristie, but is she an older woman or younger woman?”

Caller: “Older. She’s like a manager.”

Me: “Oh… Well, then you need to call the Newport Beach store. She’s at that one.”

Caller: “Oh! Okay, what’s their number?”

Me: *gives number*

Caller: “Okay… Can you transfer me?”

Me: “Um… no, we don’t do that. We’re not a call center.”

Caller: “Okay, so how do I call them?”

Me: “…you dial the number I just gave you.”

Caller: “But how do I do that?”

Me: “You dial 1, then the numbers I gave you.”

Caller: “Is that it?”

Me: “Can I ask how you dialed this store?”

Caller: “I dialed 411!”

Me: “Have you been 411-ing your entire life with the phone?”

Caller: “Of course. How else do you dial other people?!”

Me: “Uhh… Well then, you’re all set. Thanks and have a good day.”

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Bagging For Trouble

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2008

(I was standing in line behind a group of girls who had bought a pack of pencils.)

First Girl: “Can we get a bag?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I’ve already given you one. I’m afraid I can’t give you another.”

Second Girl: “Why not? The woman ahead of us got three bags!”

Cashier: “Yes, and all three of them were full. I can’t give you another bag.”

First Girl: “That is bull-s***! You gave her all those bags and can’t fork over one more for me?! ”

Cashier: “I’m sorry… no, I can’t. She needed the bags for the items she purchased. ”

(The third girl grabs a pack of gum and throws it on the counter.)

Third Girl: “Fine. If we get this, can we get another bag?”

Cashier: “No, you can fit that in your first bag. There are other customers wait–”

First Girl: “F*** you! You’re just doin’ this ‘cuz we’re teenagers! This is age discrimination!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but–”

Second Girl: “We want to see your manager!”

Cashier: “I need to help other customers in line. I’m sorry I can’t–”

First Girl: “You need to help me, b****! I’m asking you for a bag!”

Cashier: “Store policy is–”

Second Girl: “We don’t give a s*** about your store policy! Just give us a d***ed bag!”

(I was in a hurry and by this time I just wanted to get out. Figuring any plastic bag would do, I emptied one that I had already.)

Me: *to the girls* “Here, you can have this one. I don’t need it.”

Third Girl: “Excuse me? Did I ask YOU for help?”

Me: “No, but if it’s a plastic bag you want, I honestly don’t need it.”

Second Girl: “Would you mind your own business?”

Elderly Woman Behind Me: “Jumping Jesus, young lady, it’s a plastic bag! You could find one in a garbage can if you wanted it that badly!”

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Well Played, Indeed, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 20, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Costume Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have costumes?”

Me: *sarcastically* “No, I’m afraid we’re a tax accounting service.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I write off a costume rental on my taxes?”

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