Stupidity Exemplified

, , , | Right | February 24, 2008

(I was working in the seasonal section of a large bulk retail chain. It was Christmas time and we sold large sets of decorative houses with lights in them.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to purchase one of these…” *points to a house set* “…but there aren’t anymore underneath it. Where are the others stored?””

(I use my price gun to check the quantities of said item.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it appears we are sold out.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just take this one.” *points to the display unit*

Me: “Oh, that’s just a display unit. That one isn’t for sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “This is one of those specific items that we are given a temporary display unit from the vendor that we have to send back at the end of the season.”

Customer: “So why can’t I buy it?”

Me: “Well, it’s not ours to sell. It is rented from the people who made the set.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t buy it!”

Me: “It does not belong to us. We cannot sell what does not belong to us.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “What kind of car do you drive?”

Customer: “A 2000 Focus. Why?”

Me: *to a passing customer* “Sir, would you like to buy a 2000 Focus?”

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Selling your car.”

Customer: “Why? It’s MY car!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t think ownership made a difference to you.”

(She then stormed off to talk to a manager who told her I would be taken care of. He then proceeded to buy me a piece of pizza for making his day.)


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The Joy Of Sex(ism)

, , , | Right | February 23, 2008

(I’m a 28-year-old female and work for a computer store. I’m alone in the store when a middle-aged man walks in.)

Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

Customer: “Are there any computer guys around here?”

Me: “Just me at the moment, anything I can help you with?”

Customer: *tries to look behind me to the stock room and repair area* “Well, aren’t there any computer GUYS here?”

Me: “No. Look, is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well um…I need this fixed.” *holds a multimedia jukebox*

Me: “Well, I work in repairs as well so just tell me what’s wrong with it and I’ll take a look at it for you.”

Customer: “Listen, I just need to talk to a computer guy! I did everything right. I put the hard disk in but it still won’t work. Just get a guy to fix it!”

Me: “Well, the most common mistake is when people forget to format the hard disk. I can have that fixed in five minutes.”

Customer: “Yeah sure. Get one of the tech GUYS to do it and call me when it’s ready.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I went back and of course he hadn’t formatted the disk. I fix it and call the guy who shows up immediately.)

Me: “Here you go. As I thought you had just forgotten to format the disk. I did that for you and it’s working fine now.”

Customer: “No, that can’t have been the problem. I KNOW computers.”

Me: “Well, this isn’t a computer, and it’s a common mistake to make when you put the hard disk in yourself. Anyway, I fixed it for you so everything should be fine now.”

Customer: “Look, isn’t there a computer GUY I could talk to?”

Me: *losing will to live and considering a sex change*

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A Pain In The Ask

, , | Right | February 23, 2008

(This customer bought a couple of packs of white t-shirts and socks.)

Me: “Your total is $28.77.”

Customer: “Were the shirts on sale?”

Me: “Yes, they were $2 off.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “…because that’s what the sale price is. See? It shows it here on the register screen.”

Customer: “Oh okay. But were they on sale?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay. Were the socks on sale?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Our sales change weekly and this week these socks aren’t on sale.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because they aren’t on sale this week.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “I don’t know…corporate decides the sales.”

Customer: “Oh okay. What’s the total?”

Me: “$28.77.”

(The customer gives me $40 and I give him his $11.23. I used two $5 bills instead of a 10 because I didn’t have any 10s in my till.)

Customer: “I want a ten, I don’t want two fives!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any tens in my drawer. I only have fives.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “Well, when I get change from my supervisors they just give me fives. They don’t usually have any tens. And also customers just don’t usually pay with tens.”

Customer: “But why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t really know. Probably because the customers usually get money from ATMs and they only give out twenties.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess the banks just think that people really just need twenties.”

Customer: *frustrated* “Wait, why are we talking about banks?”

Me: “I don’t know, you brought it up.”

Customer: “I don’t want two fives, I want a ten!”

Me: “Go ask at customer service. They might have some.”

Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

(I call the manager who gets the guy his ten. He finally leaves after asking me again if the socks were on sale.)

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Mmmm, Cherry-Flavored Maxi Pads

, , | Right | February 22, 2008

(Around Easter, stacking poorly transported eggs and bunnies onto a shelf. A young girl, around sixteen, approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where the confectionery is?”

(I am slightly bemused, as we are standing next to the confectionery aisle.)

Me: “Yes, it is just there.”

(She looks, and furrows her brow.)

Customer: “No. Confectionery.”

Me: *pointing again* “Yes, there.”

(She looks even angrier now.)

Customer: “No. The confectionery!”

Me: “Yes… there.”

Customer: “Nooo. The confectionery, like tampons and stuff!”

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F*** The Benefits, We Want Combat Pay

, , | Right | February 22, 2008

(We have this awful woman who regularly shops at our store. One day we were extremely busy and a coworker of mine is struggling to fit shoes for three children.)

Mean Lady: “Bring me this size!”

Coworker: *disappears out back for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it appears we’ve sold our last pair.”

Mean lady: *throws shoebox at coworker’s head, hitting her squarely in the forehead*

Coworker: “Ouch…”

Mean Lady: “I hate you!”


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