Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”

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A Mother’s Love

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2008

(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”


This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

Read the next Embarrassing Parents roundup story!

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Sheet Happens

, , | Right | May 10, 2008

(Customer calls our department.)

Me: “Bath and Bedding Department…”

Customer: “Yes, do you guys carry sheets?”

Me: “Yes we do.”

Customer: “Do you carry king-sized sheets?”

Me: “Yes we do.”

Customer: “Do you have a lot of sheets?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have a wide variety of sheets.”

Customer: “Good. I need you to put on hold for me a green set. Then again, put on hold a rose color too. Oh, and ivory and white. And some navy. I’ll be in to pick out what I want.”

Me: “But what kind of sheets? We have several brands and thread counts to choose from…”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: *gives her my name*

Customer: “Okay, I am going to come into your store and find you! Just be sure to get me those colors. I’ll be there in an hour!” *hangs up*

(Of course, she never showed up.)

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Aloha, Mofo

, , | Right | May 9, 2008

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Customer: “¿Hablas español?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Why not? Why didn’t your parents teach you?”

Me: “Because we’re Hawaiian.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not an excuse.”

Me: “Do you speak Hawaiian?”

Customer: “Of course not! I’m Colombian.”

Me: “Well, that’s no excuse.”

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Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too

, , | Right | May 4, 2008

(I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?”

Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh… well, do you know how much this is?”

Me: “It’s a dollar.”

Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?”

Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?”

Customer: “That’s impossible.”

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.”

(At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.)

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