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One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2

| Right | June 10, 2011

(It is store policy to ask customers for zip codes, purely for survey purposes.)

Me: “Good evening. May I have you zip code, please?”

Customer: “No! That’s how they find you!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I heard it on the news. The number one way that people steal your identity is from your zip code!”

Me: “I’ll just enter a random one, then.”

Customer: “Thank you. Hey, do you guys ever have coupon specials?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Several times a year. We send out coupons to our email list. Would you like to sign up?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Alright. When you get home, you can go to our website. The address is on your receipt. Sign up with your email address there.”

Customer: “Wait, you’ll have my email address then?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s how the coupons and discounts get sent out. However, we keep that information very private. It’s not given out to anyone else.”

Customer: “No way, they’ll use it to steal my identity! Let me give you my street address. You can send things there.”

(The customer proceeds to hand me a blank check with all her info. She doesn’t even bother to void it.)

 

You Bite It, You Buy It

, | Right | June 9, 2011

(I work in a charity shop selling used items. A customer walks up to me with a pair of gloves.)

Customer: “Are these gloves waterproof?”

Me: “They look it, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll just test them out.”

(The customer then proceeds to bite the gloves, covering them with his spit in the process, while everyone close to him looks on in horror.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take these.”

Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

| Right | June 8, 2011

(A customer comes up to the register with nothing but a coupon.)

Customer: “Can I use this? It says $15.”

Me: “Yes, that will get you $15 off anything in the store.”

Customer: “Okay. I want to use it.”

Me: “No problem. Just go ahead and shop around for whatever you’d like, and then I’ll apply the coupon when you check out.”

Customer: “It says fifteen dollars. I can get fifteen dollars?”

Me: “This is a coupon, so the fifteen dollars will be deducted from the price of whatever you purchase.”

Customer: “Fifteen dollars?”

Me: “Yes sir, all you have to do is go pick out what you’d like.”

Customer: “I want fifteen dollars.”

Me: “I understand, but to get the fifteen dollars off, you must purchase something here.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Do you have an idea of what you were looking for? I can direct you to the right section.”

Customer: “Fifteen… dollars?”

Me: “Yes. Fifteen dollars.”

(The customer turns around and slowly wanders out of the store.)

 

Coupons Are Not The Only Things That Are Expired

| Right | June 6, 2011

Customer: “Can I still use these coupons?”

Me: “You can, if they’re not expired.”

Customer: “So, can I use them?”

Me: “Are they expired?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then no.”

Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6

, | Right | June 5, 2011

(A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)

Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”

Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”

(I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)

Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The menu.”

Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”