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Please See The Hypothetical Aisle

, , , | Right | February 19, 2010

(A customer comes in looking for an item I knew we do not carry.)

Customer: “Where would I find a [item]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry that.”

Customer: *stares at me awhile* “Well, if you did carry it, what aisle would it be in?”

Ah, Mothers, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

(A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

Customer: “Just call her name!”

Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in-store can look out for her.”

Customer: “Just call her name, will you! Stop being so cocky!”

Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? She is thirty-seven years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

(The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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Passing It Forward

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer #1: “Ahhhhh… well, I’m pretty good now!”

Me: “Now?”

Customer #1: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

Me: “That’s… nice…”

(The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

Customer #2: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”


This story is part of our customers give TMI roundup!

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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

(At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after adult film actresses. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family store, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

(The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

Coworker:  “Wow! Way to go!”

Me:  “Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”