Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

, | Right | April 23, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

Me: “…”

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Conscience: We Loves It

, , , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2008

(This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

Me: “Okay.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”

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Corporate To The Rescue

| Right | April 19, 2008

(I work in a shop that sells nothing other than boxes of chocolate, in various shapes and sizes. A customer strolls into the shop holding a very expensive box.)

Customer: *brandishing the box* “I want to return this.”

Me: “Okay…could I ask you why?”

Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft. Gimme refund.”

(I should point out here that the customer was a male forty-something.)

Me: “Maybe it was just the single chocolate that you tried?”

(To my absolute horror, he opened the lid to reveal that every single last chocolate had been eaten. Both layers.)

Customer: “See? Too soft. Want refund. Give me now.”

(I was about to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what. Thankfully, the day was saved by another customer.)

Customer 2: “You just ate all the chocolates..?”

Customer 1: “Uh?”

Customer 2: “Are you nuts?”

Customer 1: “Wha?”

Customer 2: “How about you f**k off and leave this poor kid to do his job?”

Customer 1: *suddenly talking normally* “I don’t think it’s any of your business–”

Customer 2: “I do.”

Customer 1: “Why!?”

Customer 2: “Because I’m from Head Office.”


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Fun With Mistaken Identities

, | Right | April 19, 2008

(I am a customer in a certain large toy store during Christmas and it is crowded. I’m on my lunch break, but still have the name tag on from my job. Note I am not in a uniform — I’m in jeans and a t-shirt. I get to where the queue is, and a woman accosts me.)

Customer: “It’s about time you opened another register! It’s disgraceful you keep us waiting like this. We’re busy people!”

Me: “You know, you’re right. It IS disgraceful. I quit!”

(I took off my badge before she realised I’m not an employee, and walked out of the store.)

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Granny Git Your Groove On

| Right | April 18, 2008

Old Woman: “Excuse me sir…I need some batteries.”

Me: “Of course. What kind do you need?”

Old Woman: “I…I’m not sure.”

Me: “Not a problem. What do you need the batteries for? I might be able to match them up to the product.”

Old Woman: “…I need them for my ghetto blaster.”

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