Me: “That’ll be [total].”
Customer: *looks through purse* “Oh… I seem to be short five dollars. I’m sure God wouldn’t mind if you looked the other way on that.”
Me: “I think God would understand I could get fired for ‘looking the other way,’ so why can’t you?”
Me: *on the phone with a manager* “Hey, I have a guy here who wants me to give him ten dollars off, because he saw it lower two weeks ago… Uh huh. Uh huh. Right. Okay, thanks.” *hangs up phone* “Unfortunately, my manager won’t honor the price you saw, but maybe it will be that price again in a few weeks fro—”
Customer: *bangs fist on countertop* “God wouldn’t stand for this!”
Me: “I think God would understand that we’re in a recession…”
(The store I work for is famous for finding music and DVDs for customers who aren’t always certain what it is they’re looking for. As a result, we often end up special ordering for many customers, and the policy is to call to inform the customer when their order has arrived in store. If no one answers, staff are encouraged to leave a message, but sometimes customers call back anyway to let us know they’re coming in or just to ask questions. Sometimes, though, they just call because we did first…)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Music Store]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”
Customer: “…Who is this?”
Me: “[My Name] from [Music Store]. Did you have an enquiry?”
(There’s a long pause in which the customer doesn’t say anything.)
Me: “Hello? Are you still there?”
Customer: “Why did you… What do you mean?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “Why would I have an enquiry?”
Me: “I only meant… What was your reason for calling today?”
Customer: “I didn’t call you.”
(It dawns on me where the confusion must be coming from.)
Me: “You… did you have a missed call from this number, by chance? My coworker might have been calling about an order you placed.”
Customer: “What order?”
Me: “Have you placed an order with us recently? If you give me your name I can check the order for you.”
Customer: *gives surname*
Me: “Ah, yes, here it is. Your order for [Title] came in this morning. We were just calling to let you know.”
Customer: “You can do that?!”
Me: “All the time, sure. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Customer: “…Don’t call here again.” *click*
(I work in a shop that sells budget clothing. Since we don’t have a changing room, many customers buy things and return them a few days later when they’ve had a chance to try them on. Since I am usually the only person on the till and my new manager goes berserk if I leave the till unattended, I usually leave it until the end of the day to put the returned items back out, when we’re tidying the shop up to look presentable for the next day. I have just put a dress back on its rail.)
Manager: “[My Name], did you just tidy that rail?”
Me: “No, I was doing menswear and kids. I just wanted to put these returns back so I could get the till point tidy too.”
Manager: “Well, it’ll save time if you tidy this as you go. Otherwise there’s just more work for me and [Coworker] to do!”
(The very next day I have more returns to put back in womenswear. I put my first item back and begin tidying the stand it’s on.)
Manager: “[My Name], what are you doing? Are menswear and kids tidy yet?”
Me: “No, I was just putting this back…”
Manager: “Well, that’s not acceptable! If I see you tidying all the way over there, I’m going to assume that menswear is already done, and that area needs to be perfectly tidy as it’s right at the front of the store! Go back and check that it’s all tidy!”
Me: *sighs* “Okay…”
(The day after that there are lots of returns to put back out. I leave them until the very end of the tidying, knowing that anything else is going to get me into trouble, but by this point it’s getting late, and my manager sees me carrying a huge pile of dresses across the shop.)
Manager: “You know, maybe we should start putting returns back out as we go!”
Me: *speechless*
(I work at a large store that sells nothing but beauty items for women.)
Customer: “I have a very weird question for you.”
Me: “Yay! Those are my favorite kind of questions!”
Customer: “I need very small, very sharp scissors.”
Me: “Well, that’s not weird at all. Let me show you where our cuticle and nail scissors are; that’s exactly what you’re looking for.”
Customer: “I haven’t told you what I need them for. I need to cut the lips off my fish.”
(I stop dead in my tracks, thinking I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly. I give her a puzzled look.)
Customer: “That’s right. I need tiny scissors to cut the lips off my fish.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I have an Angel fish with a large pucker, and she’s my pride and joy. She developed a cancerous growth on her lips. The vet wants an outrageous amount of money to remove it. He said if I wanted, and was brave enough, I could cut off her lips myself.”
(I try to keep my composure, relay my sympathy, and show her the selection of tiny scissors. She makes her decision, and I take her to the register.)
Me: “I wish you luck with your fish!”
Customer: “Thank you, I need it. By the way, do you happen to know a close-by liquor store? I don’t usually drink, but I may need a glass of wine before my adventure!”
(Luckily there was a liquor store nearby. I thanked her for asking the weirdest question I have ever heard in my many years in retail. She laughed and said no one was going to believe me. I hope her fish is okay!)
