(I’m told I have a pretty thick Northern California accent, though I personally can’t hear it. I am visiting LA, which is only a few hours south of my hometown.)
Me: “Excuse me, how much is this item?”
Cashier: “Those are 14.99. Hey, you’ve got an accent! Where are you from?”
Me: *thinking it was obvious it was his own state* “One guess.”
Cashier: “Hmm… sounds like… New Orleans?”
(I still don’t know where he got that answer.)
(I need to get an optical audio cable to go join my Blu-ray player to my sound system. I go to a local audio store to get one, and the following exchange occurs:)
Salesman: “That one’s $35, but this one is much higher quality and well worth the $65 for the added clarity.”
Me: “Wait. It’s literally a clear tube that flashes light pulses. It’s all zeroes and ones. It either carries the signal or it does not. Clarity is not an issue with a digital signal.”
Salesman: “But this is a [Brand].”
Me: “Are you saying the $35 cable doesn’t work?”
Salesman: “…Let’s just make it an even $30 for that cable.”
(I manage a retail clothing store and I am at the counter when a mother and daughter walk up with a pair of our boots in the box to return.)
Me: “Hi, ladies, what can I help you with?”
Daughter: “Yes, I talked to the other manager, [My Assistant], yesterday about the studs coming off my boots. She said I could re-order them.”
Me: “Absolutely! I am sorry they are falling apart.”
(I try and see if the boot can be ordered, since the boots launched some time ago.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but the boots are unavailable for re-order. I would be more than happy to return them for you or you can swap it for whatever you like.”
Mother: “But she wants the boots. Can’t you give us something since they can’t be ordered?”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s exactly what I am trying to do. I am more than willing to return them or exchange them for whatever your daughter would like.”
Mother: “But she wants the boots. You can’t give us anything?”
Me: “So let me get this correct: you would like me to give you something for free AND let you keep the boots?”
Daughter: *getting frustrated with the audacity of her mother asking for such a ridiculous request* “No, it’s okay… I’ll keep the boots.” *mumbles to her mother* “Let’s go, mom.”
(My coworker is cleaning out the fitting room and finds a fairly generous bag of weed. Later in the day the police stop by in the back room and are picking it up. Meanwhile on the floor…)
Customer: “Hey, I left a bag here earlier.”
Me: “Okay, what kind of bag?”
Customer: “Just a ziploc bag with some… cooking herbs…”
Me: “Uh. Well, my coworker did find a bag matching that description earlier.”
Customer: “Can I have it back?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “What? Why not! You guys are stealing my… herbs. I’m a… chef… I need those!”
Me: “Well, I can go tell the police officers in the back that the owner of the marijuana came back if you would like.”
(The customer turned around and ran right out of the store.)\
(My manager is serving a customer who has asked for a discount.)
Manager: “Sure, I can give you 10% off.”
Customer: “Hmm, what about 15%?”
Manager: *feeling generous* “Yeah, I suppose I could give you 15% off.”
Customer: “What about 20%?”
Manager: “20% is okay.”
Customer: “30%?”
Manager: “15%.”
Customer: “30%?”
Manager: “10%.”
Customer: “What do you mean 10%? You already said I could have 20%.”
Manager: “Which you asked for and I agreed but you upped it; you can either take the 10% now or my next offer.”
Customer: “Hmmm, I’ll take the next offer then.”
Manager: “Zero percent discount it is, then.”
Customer: “What? You can’t do that!”
Manager: “I just did.”
