It’s Not All Right, Part 2

| Right | June 27, 2011

(The customer is checking out at my register for her purchase. She pays by credit card.)

Me: “I just need your signature on this slip and then we’ll be all set.”

(The customer is having a difficult time getting the pen to write. Before I can explain that it’s the kind of paper we use, she comes up with her own conclusion.)

Customer: “I can’t get the pen to write. It must not be a left-handed pen.”

 

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Not Remotely Interested

| Right | June 26, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking for one of those video tape players.”

Me: “Oh, a VCR?”

Customer: *confused* “No, one of those video tape players.”

Me: “Yes, sir. They are called VCR’s. They’re a bit ancient now, but we have one used for cheap. It doesn’t come with it’s manual or remote, if that’s okay with you?”

Customer: “Well, no. That’s not going to work for me. How am I supposed to work your magic box without instructions?”

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Money Makes The World Go Round A Lot Slower These Days

| Right | June 25, 2011

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you give cash for games?”

Me: “Yes, what games would you like to trade?”

(The customer lists several games. I give the respective values. The customer then looks at me impatiently for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Oh, so do I need to bring them with me? Or can I just get cash now?”

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You’ll Find That In The Aisle Of Non-Existence

| Right | June 25, 2011

(I work in the electronics department.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a cable for my computer.”

Me: “What type of cable did you need?”

Customer: “Ethereal.”

Me: “Um, you mean for internet? An ethernet cable?”

Customer: “It’s for internet, but it’s not ethernet. It’s ethereal.”

Me: “Maybe it’s CAT5 cable you need?”

Customer: “No. I said I need ethereal cable.”

Me: “Well, sir. Let me show you what we have.”

(I take him to the ethernet cables.)

Customer: “No, these are much too big. It’s a smaller cable than this.”

Me: “Are you connecting from a phone wall jack, or from a cable or DSL modem?”

Customer: “I have a box, a modem, but this isn’t ethereal cable.”

Me: “No, sir. It’s CAT5 ethernet cable. It will run from your modem to the LAN port on your computer. I’m pretty confident that this is the cable you need to use.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know. It isn’t ethereal.”

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Say Sayonara To Sense

| Right | June 24, 2011

(A customer approaches the counter. She offers me a very large bag of clothing, and indicates that she would like to return all of the items.)

Me: “Wow, I’m sorry none of these worked out for you. Is there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “Oh, honey…every single one of them is too small.”

Me: “That’s too bad. I’d be happy to give you a refund.”

Customer: “All the sizes have changed. You have to buy everything at least two sizes bigger these days. Everything is made in Japan these days. You know they’re so much smaller than we are. That’s why all the sizes are wrong!”

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