(We have a security company who picks up our banking a couple of times a week. They dress very casually so as not to draw any attention. They usually say hi or wave as they pass by our front counter, so that managers can be directed to the office. I am working on the floor when I hear a staff member yell from the front of the store. This staff member questions everything.)

Staff Member: *yelling* “[MY NAME], SECURITY’S HERE!”

(I race for our office door which is at the back of the store.)

Me: “Oh, I am so sor—”

Staff Member: *from front of store* “SECURITY’S HERE”

(I see him cringe.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’ll be having words with her. It won’t happen again.”

(I quickly call the front desk on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, I have it. Stop calling it out. I need to talk to you later.”

(I finish with the security guy and head down to the front counter.)

Me: “[Staff Member], security has asked me to talk to you about the way you announce their arrival. You can’t do it like that”.

Staff Member: *in her usual loud shrill voice* “Why?’

Me: *quietly* “Because they are here to pick up the banking and don’t want to draw attention to themselves.”

Staff Member: “So? It’s their job.”

Me: “They don’t want to draw attention due to carrying thousands of dollars in their bag, so they don’t get held up or worse.”

Staff Member: “So what am I supposed to call them?”

Me: “For one thing don’t yell anything across the shop. If you must say anything, either phone or page. Call them a courier or something, but not security or banking guy. Just stop yelling it. Actually just page me to the office; don’t even call them a courier.”

Staff Member: “If I just page you to the office, how do you know who it is for?”

Me: *internally cursing* “They come on the same day every week. I’ll know.”

Staff Member: “But what if you call me and ask who it is?”

Me: *more internal swearing* “Tell me my boyfriend is here.”

Staff Member: “Your boyfriend? But you’re married”.

Me: *even more internal swearing* “That is how I’ll know it’s security.”

Staff Member: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m going on break.” *runs off before my internal swearing becomes external swearing*

(I am working in a retail store, and my shift starts at 12:30. I get in at 12:15, and see many customers so I put my uniform on, clock in early, and get to work. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: *aggressively* “I hope you enjoyed your LUNCH.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do it again. I shouldn’t have to wait.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me. I was here an hour ago and you had a back in five minutes sign, to get your lunch, even though there were people who wanted to get into the store. Don’t EVER do that to your customers again.”

Me: “Ma’am, my shift doesn’t even start for another ten or fifteen minutes. Was there something you wanted help with?”

Woman: “If you keep lying like this, you’ll never find a husband.” *shows me her wedding ring with a smug look, then turns and walks out*

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “No problem. Was there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, they were just the wrong size.”

Me: “Oh, would you like to exchange them for the correct size?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time today.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I process her return. The lady paid credit, which means that it has to go back on the EXACT same card it was paid with.)

Me: “Okay, so you will get [amount] back onto your credit card. I just need to see it to make sure it matches.”

Customer: “Oh, could you tell me which one it was? I have a few.”

Me: “Sure, it was [last for digits of her credit card number].”

Customer: “Oh.” *pulls out card* “This one is cancelled, I thought I lost it.”

Me: *internal sigh* “Sorry, but I have to put it on the same card or I can give you a store credit.”

Customer: “But the card is DEACTIVATED! You cannot put it back on it! I DEMAND MY MONEY BACK!”

Me: “I know, but I have to give you a store credit…”

(She continues to fuss until my manager comes over and give me clearance to put it on her other card as long as her name matches, which it does.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

(She then walks over to the table where the pants she just returned style was and proceeds to dig through the stack there. I go over and ask her if she wants a hand as she is destroying our neat pile. I grab her size out and hand it to her to go try on. She asks if she could leave her many bags of popcorn behind the cash desk since she did not want to hold them while she tried them on.)

Me: “Sure, no problem! Just ask for them when you are leaving!”

(At this point her children are running around the store and have dropped their whole bag of popcorn on our floor. My coworker starts to clean it up while I am cleaning up the pants tables. Her child then goes behind our cash desk to grab more popcorn.)

Me: “Hey! You can’t be behind there!”

Customer’s Kid: “This is my popcorn!”

Me: “You cannot be behind there. You need to get out! If you want your popcorn you need to ask your mom if I can get it for you! But you CANNOT be behind there!”

(The kid finally leaves as his mom comes out of the fitting room and goes to the cash desk with her new pair of pants.)

Me: “Oh, do you have the tags?” *note, all tags, price tag, description, size all have been ripped off. NOT how I gave it to her*

Customer: “No…”

Me: *sigh* “Fine, I’ll go grab another pair.” *grabs the top one from the pile*

Customer: “That’s not my size!”

Me: “I know, but I can look up your size in the computer as long as I have the pant style!”

Customer: “OKAY.”

Me: “All right, your total is [Total].” *cheaper then the pair she returned as these went on sale*

Customer: “Oh, could I have another pair?”

Me: *thinking because it’s cheaper she wants two* “Sure!” *gets a new pair* “Okay, so your price is [double].”

Customer: “What? I don’t want both. I just want this one!” *the new one*

Me: “They are the same pair.”

Customer: “Yes, but this one is cleaner!”

Me: “YOU ripped all the tags off in the fitting room!”

Customer: “I want the cleaner pair!”

Me: *just wanting to get rid of her by this point* “Fine! Your total is [total].”

Customer: “On credit.” *holds up same card she got the refund on*

Me: “Okay, insert when ready.” *customer’s card is declined* “Do you have money on the card?

Customer: “Yes, I just did a return.”

Me: “It takes up to three business days for a return on a credit card to process.”

Customer: “Okay, try my other card.”

(I try her other credit card, it declines too. Finally she decides to pay debit, and that declines too!!)

Customer: “Okay, I’ll just come back another day.”

(Needless to say we were all happy when she left.)

(A new salesperson is recently hired at my store. Right from the beginning, it is pretty clear she won’t work out. She will sigh and roll her eyes whenever the manager asks her to do something, ignores the customers, lies to the other stores about whether we have enough inventory to transfer to them, and picks fights with the usually good-natured other salespeople. Since we really need people and the owner and manager are very kind, they allow her to stay for her full probation period. They hope things will get better, and try to talk to her about her attitude several times. However, after numerous complaints from customers and staff, they’ve had enough.)

Manager: “[Salesperson], I think we should have a talk.”

Salesperson: “Okay…”

Manager: “We really feel that your heart hasn’t been in your work. I think it’s time that we parted ways. I hope you find a job that makes you happier than you have been here.”

Salesperson: “Whatever. This job sucks.”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we wish you luck.”

Salesperson: “I was planning to buy a whole bunch of stuff here, though. Can I still get my employee discount?”

Manager: “No, that only applies to current employees.”

Salesperson: “Are you f****** kidding me? Fine, I’m taking my business elsewhere! You’ve just lost a good employee AND a good customer!”

Manager: “Somehow I doubt it.”

(I have a massive headache. My manager tells me to go to the office to get some of the painkillers from the first aid box. I am in my late 30s; the office girl is in her late teens.)

Me: “Hi, [Coworker], could you please give me a [Brand Painkiller], please?”

Coworker: “Uh, no, I can’t.”

Me: “Oh, [Manager] said there were some in the first aid box.”

Coworker:  “Yes, I know. There are.”

Me: “So can I have two, please?”

Coworker:  “No, I’m not allowed to give you any.”

Me:  “Why not?”

Coworker: “You might be allergic to them.”

Me: “I’m not allergic to them.”

Coworker: “How do you know you aren’t allergic to them?”

Me:  “Because I’ve used that brand for 30 years and I asked for them by name.”

Coworker: “Well, I can’t give them out legally; I could be sued if you are.”

Me: “So if you can’t give them out, why have them in the first aid box?”

Coworker: “Just in case someone has a headache.”

(At that stage I thought that smashing my head against the brick wall might make my head feel better.)