(I am a cashier, with a customer hauling a rather expensive patio set along with some groceries in my line. I ring him up and show him the total.)

Customer: “That price is incorrect.”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I will have someone get a price check right away.”

(I have someone check the price of the patio set and it comes back the same as I had on the register.)

Me: “Sir, the price of that patio set is [price].”

(I show him the screen with a picture of his patio set and the price.)

Customer: “No, your total is wrong! I will show you!”

(The man then proceeds to take out a calculator and attempts to add up all his purchases.)

Me: “Sir, I can assure you the register has a built in calculator, so it does not make adding mistakes.”

Customer: “WELL, IT HAS THIS TIME!”

(I have a rather long line building up by this point which has attracted the attention of one of my managers. She walks over and sees the man furiously typing away on his calculator.)

Manager: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here? Can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s not adding the total properly! This is very poor service!”

Manager: “One moment, sir.”

(My manager took me aside and told me to take my break. I did as she said, thankful to be out of there. Later, my manager came into the breakroom and told me that that was the third time that customer had done that in a week. Apparently he couldn’t afford the patio set so he thought he could swindle a cashier into giving it to him cheaper.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to return this. It works fine. Just don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “Okay, let me just take a quick at the receipt see how you paid. Oh… I’m sorry, sir, this is three months outside of the return policy. I won’t be able to take it back. Is it defective?”

Customer: “What? No. So? It works. Where does it say the return policy?”

Me: “Here, there, there, and it was emailed to you. I can’t take it back being so outside the return policy and it being opened.”

Customer: “I am never shopping here again!”

Me: “Okay… sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “I will accept a free store credit for the trouble so I can buy a charger.”

Me: “No, I can’t give you a free store credit; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “This is just ridiculous! I can’t believe I can’t get free stuff here!”

(I work as a cart attendant. My store has a strip of red paired curb that is a fire lane in which no parking is allowed. I see a customer parked in this area.)

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry but you can’t park here as this is a fire lane.”

Customer: “I’m not parked. I’m waiting for my wife to come out. I’m still in the car.”

Me: “Sir, even if you are still in the car, the car is not moving and is therefore parked.”

Customer: “The car is not parked! I’m still in it! So f*** off!”

Me: “Sir, what gear is your car in right now?”

Customer: “It’s in park, you moron!”

Me: “Then in that case the car is considered parked. Please move away from the fire lane or I will have your car towed.”

(The fuming customer finally moved, glaring at me as he did so.)

(I am very small for my age, and am in fact underweight.)

Me: “After this can we get something to eat?”

Mom: “But you just had breakfast!”

Me: “Yeah, but I didn’t want that sixth pancake.”

(I work in a fair trade store. Like most stores, we play music over speakers throughout the day.)

Customer: “It’s too loud!”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your music! It’s too loud!”

Manager: “No one else seems to think so; it’s certainly not as loud as they play in several of the other stores here. I’m friends with the manager at [Makeup Store] and their music is much louder.”

Customer: “That’s different! You’re not a REAL store!”

Manager: “…What?”

Customer: “You’re not a retail store! You’re fair trade! You’re a non-profit! You shouldn’t be acting like a real store!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we are a retail store. Our company is non-profit, that’s true, but retail stores is how we fulfill our mission.”

Customer: “You’re different! I come in here to relax, and I don’t expect it to be like other stores!”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there something special I can help you find today?”

Customer: “What? No! I never spend money in here. I just walk around to relax!”